October 19, 2005
DCist's New Words for Metro
As we noted this morning, WMATA has initiated an interesting ad campaign through which they coin specific terms for safety-enhancing actions. So far the campaign has only added four words -- or sniglets -- to the English language: PlanBdextrous, referring to the ability to map out an alternate route home; Sumpnspicious, those suspicious actions and occurrences that should be reported to Metro officials; Conseaterate, the act of giving ones seat to someone in need of a seat; and Doorker, the person who blocks the train or bus doors.
Given the many things that happen daily on the transit agency's trains and buses, we couldn't help but brainstorm some more sniglets for WMATA's use. Of course, this is a developing language, so we are accepting any and all suggestions from readers.
Packitoma -- The commuter who insists that their bag, briefcase, or package is worth the seat next to them, thus denying a needy soul the opportunity to rest their weary feet.
Wingoo -- The strange, image-distorting grease left on the train or bus window after someone's head has been leaned on it for an extended period of time.
Sophmapic -- A term generally describing the consistent need of inexperienced Metrorail riders to check the system map and constantly ask, "Is this our station?"
Constairpation -- The human traffic jam created by that one Metrorail user that by inexperience or obliviousness to Metro etiquette stands on the left side of a given escalator. See also "Tourist."
Stairs -- A more accurate descriptor of Metrorail's escalators.
Dirtyrottenrudebastard -- A term describing the Metrorail user who believes that they can easily force their way onto the train before others can make their way off.
Peeternity -- A term referring to the excruciatingly long amount of time one must wait with a full bladder for a given train.*
Confarecardfusion -- An act which finds a Metrorail user staring blankly at the Farecard machine like its a supercomputer.
Bunchabuses -- The process by which Metrobuses appear only in packs or bunches at irregular and wholly unpredictable intervals.
Clearadorsis -- When a Metrorail user is caught between two unforgiving closing doors.
Premature Boardgasm -- When a train stops short at a station, only to move forward as users frantically run to catch up with the train's lead car.
Sleepthroughstop -- The inevitable realization that you napped straight past your stop or station, most often on the last bus or train home.
Wasteomoney -- Ad campaigns that seek to promote safety by creating a new and completely useless set of words.
* Courtesy of Chrisafer.
Picture of Metro tunnel snapped by mmarchin.
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Wasteomoney: See also "Comcastic"
Freakintourists--Exclamation heard from disgruntled and possibly late local commuter who has found themselves stuck behind a caloricly challenged family from Ohio on the escalator that doesn't know (there's no signs so how would they know) they should stand to the right while riding.
The Dirtyrottenrudebastard has also been spotted shoving their way onto a clearly packed train.
@)(*#@!#!@! - anything that comes out of the speakers inside of metro station.
That's pretty damn funny. Bunchabuses have been seen as far north as Bethesda, which leads me to believe that they have interbred with the RideOn species as well. Good stuff. Great DCist posts all around today. Keep it up!
DumbTrip - the act of going into a negative balance on a SmartTrip Card and forgetting to add money before using the SmartTrip card again.
Selective Celly Service - the corporate payola that allows one cell phone service provider the exclusive rights to the Metro.
Deadheading - the process of an empty train or bus going back to station without picking up passengers. (actual term)
Lack O' Fundz - the absence of dedicated funding to the WMATA causing it be one of the most expensive mass transit systems in the country.
dirty rotten also likes to lean against the vertical poles on a crowded train, not allowing others to hold on to the pole.
My friend Liz wishes to contribute:
anticenterites - riders who refuse to move to the center of the train
The Gray Stare-- Upon comfortably finding a seat, book in hand, IPod jamming within a packed train, you glance up to catch the stare of a Gray haired lady who is giving you the evil eye of shame that you haven't jumped up to give her a seat. Also can be synonymous with the "Tourist Shame Stare", when male tourists exaggeratingly jump up to give their seat to a lady, then stare at you for not getting up to give any other standing female your seat.
Metro-Crush--Seeing the same hot person every day or so that you normally would talk to in a bar, but knowing that it's just weird as hell to actually strike up a conversation to anyone on the Metro as that's strictly verboten unless the circumstances are just right you just glance occasionally to check them out as you both just ride along your merry ways. Some metro-crushes can exist for years.
Ipod By Proxy- When someone's music is so loud, despite use of headphones, that the entire train can enjoy it!
Greenternity: The Godot-like wait for a Green Line train to arrive on weekends.
Bejeadache The throbbing, unforgiving headache sensation a Metro rider experiences as the near-center of his or her consciousness, second only to the jangling sound effects known to accompany a fellow passenger's cellular phone during a jolly round of Bejeweled.
Symptoms may be alleviated by first addressing Selective Celly Service, thereby eliminating the need for colorful diamond video games.
I can't think of a sufficiently witty term, but we need one for people who don't realize you need a SmarTrip card to leave the parking garages until they actually pull up to the gate. Happened a lot after weeknight Nats games this year.
Copanattitude:
The unnecessary harassment and/or arrest of civilians by Metro rent-a-cops.
Freakography:
The empty space surrounding a crazy homeless person in a crowded rush hour train.
Punkemonium:
The cursing and abuse leveled at other passengers by high schoolers in the afternoons.
Bratemonium:
The wailing sound emanating from a hungry toddler on the Metro.
Lexicographidiot: a person who writes joke definitions without managing to get them to correspond to the parts of speech the words represent (see author of conseatarate and sumpnspicious, which certainly look like they would be adjectives).
Whoever came up with "Constairpation" is a hero.
how about
Metrotranssexual: The androgynous, ambiguously dressed rider that has just entered your train and whose gender you will likely try to guess for the remainder of the ride.
KCinDC... actually, not to defend WMATA or anything, but they did identify conseaterate as an adjective, and defined it in such a way that it was an adjective in the poster. DCist's definition does not quite correspond to the one WMATA used.
I am pedantigger. And the wonderful thing about pedantiggers, is I'm the only one.
Idiot-cisive - the guy who moves left, then back, then right, then back, unsure whether to go to the 12th street exit, or the 13th, and meanwhile, no one can get around him.
Great. Doublespeak.
And we're fawning over it.
I like the "suspicious" one.
Good Christ.
Why don't we all lay down on the tracks and give up?
Touritard
A tourist who exhibits and or all of the following behaviors: getting off the train and stopping immediately so that nobody else can exit; blocking the turnstiles while patting one’s pockets in search of a fare card; and/or yelling inaccurate information about Metro stations to all the other families on the home schooling tour.
This thread is worse than a Bob Levey column. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
What about "Gee-Double-yers." The pack that gets off the train at the George Washington University stop.
how about Busavan? When no buses come for 20 minutes, then three show up in a row.
C’mon-c’mon-c’moners (train variety): Metro riders who stand on platforms looking down the tracks in an effort to see the train coming. They believe that their actions make the train come faster.
C’mon-c’mon-c’moners (bus variety): Bus riders who stand in the middle of the street to better see if the bus is coming, as if that will make any difference in how long they have to wait. These folks are apparently oblivious to other traffic coming towards them.
(I can’t think of a clever name for this one): Folks who find a place to stand on an empty platform, then are compelled to move along with the train as it enters the station, as if drawn along by a current. Oh, sure, we all move towards where we think the doors will be as a train slows to a stop, but these folks start moving as soon as the train moves past them. They see empty seats and reflexively move towards them, I guess, but that’s silly, considering those seats will be three cars up by the time the train stops.
LoiusGlutton - A person who decides that 8:45am on a Tuesday is the perfect time to try and squeeze an 85lb. 28x30x16" rolling suitcase and an overstuffed garment bag into Metrorail car, ensuring that they will be blocking the doors for your stop.
Monkey Card - An extremely rare and expensive permit that allows you and/or your children to swing from the poles and handrails in a Metrorail car without looking like a total jackass. As genuine cards are only valid from 2-5am on Tuesdays, it's more likely that you've witnessed a jackass swinging on the 'monkey bars' than a valid card holder.
Escawaiter -
Mike -- Why do GW students bug you, so? Does your irritation include AU, Marymount, GMU, Galludet and Catholic U. students, as well? (Obviously, though, Georgetown is excluded, since they're too good to travel with the likes of us plebeians who use public transportation.)
Oh, and I spotted a Metrotransitsexual on my train this morning.
Actually, we Georgetowners are pretty likely to use Metrorail. We have our own special buses that take us straight to Rosslyn and Dupont. So, we're not too good for Metrorail, but we are definitely too classy for Metrobus. (By the way, in case anyone wants to get snippy, I'm joking--this is coming from the girl who spent two hours one Sunday on Metrorail/bus getting to the Alexandria Target, and who takes the buses all over the city.)
The Escawaiter entry inspired me to submit a related type, the Turnstilewhiler, who feels it's necessary to wait at the turnstile until the previous patron has fully exited and the gates have closed before inserting his card.
re "Touritard -- yelling inaccurate information about Metro stations to all the other families on the home schooling tour"
If done by a local, describes a fun pastime.
Castragate - The painful result of running into one of Metro's many malfunctioning faregares which open on only one side.
Umbrella -
Meredith I, too, was joking. It was just odd that Mike was apparently disdainful of GW students (my undergrad alma mater).
Oh, and "LoiusGlutton" should read LouisGlutton. (Oops)
The Triathlete- seen predominately at the commuter stations. Due often to Metrorail delays, in order to avoid at least a 30-minute wait for the next bus, must: (1) come flying out of the train car and up/down the "stairs," drawing the farecard with one hand while doing so; (2) pass through the fare gate treating the farecard as an Olympic relay team would a baton; (3) in a dead sprint, briefcase/backpack slapping at the side, attempt to set new world record in 200m, screaming "Hold the 101/whatever!" As the bus they are trying to catch begins to pull away from the station.
My fiancé has suggested that if television cameras could capture these athletes competing, Metro could easily generate new revenue, billing the show as "Wild World of Metro."
Jumpin' Jack Flash- This is the person who is overlooked as a bus passes by a marked stop, causing the person to do a jumping jack signaling motion to flag the bus down, hopefully.
LiftGaters - Someone seen leaving the passenger side of a vehicle in order to lift a malfunctioning parking lot gate in order to exit.
Seen at the Greenbelt Station as U2 and Maryland football fans were trying to leave the parking lot and the gates didn't want to go up. Good think someone reason there was a problem as the gates open and everyone in line got out for free.
naive: Metro riders who complain about how crowded trains are during rush hour. Yall have No CLUE as to how crowded subway cars get in other systems around the world, so stop yer bitchin.
"metro rage" - the reaction of many "type A" metro riders who get angry by touritards, dirtyrottenrudebastards, and tourists and who act out their rage through rude muttered comments, storming up the escalator, pushing and "accidentally" elbowing/stepping on the foot of the offending touritard, dirtyrottenrudebastard, or tourist.
"ReturnToDescender" - the escalator rider in front of you who waits until the last centimeter of moving tread before stepping off, as if he/she were considering staying on for the return trip underneath.
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Can you believe this campaign has drawn complaints about the singlet: Sumpnspicious
http://dcbubble.blogspot.com/2006/02/metro-ad-offensive.html
Its the second time visited this blog. Looks interesting.
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