What happens when you put together five friends, four pumpkins, and 30 beers? We don't know because we can't remember; there were thirty beers. All we know is that we got ham-daddy. Fortunately, we had paper and pen on hand and can recount to you what happened. Well look at that! We were smart enough to leave the carving to more sober times, but it turns out we did manage a testing of our favorite seasonal libation: Pumpkin Ale.

Ahh, how we cherish the wonderful taste of autumn's most ubiquitous gourd. The pumpkin conjures our grade school Halloweens; resplendent in our costumes and agog at the mastery of our neighbors' jack-o-lanterns. The pumpkin gives us its flesh so our grandmothers can create a perfect pie (provided she doesn't forget the sugar, like she did a few years ago). You can bowl with it, catapult it, and make unnecessarily complex dishes with it. You can entertain a whole rugby team with it. Fortunately, you can also make like Benjamin Franklin, George Washington or even the Pilgrims, and make beer with it.

The last time we followed the Pilgrims' lead a whole race of people was moved west of the Mississippi and given some pretty questionable blankets. The Pilgrims were a shifty bunch, what with their buckles and religious zealotry, but we decided to put our better judgment aside and pop a few bottles of their pub progeny in the name of a fully-informed DCist readership. So here you go -- a rundown of DCist's experimentation with pumpkin ale, the autumn's best brew.

We based our review on three criteria: aroma, taste and finish. We looked for a distinctly pumpkiny smell; we wanted pumpkin pie in a bottle. For a high score on taste, the beer needed to be spicy with nutmeg, allspice and cinnamon, but not too bitter. The finish should have been pumpkin-heavy but shouldn't stay so long as to be overwhelming. We were looking for good pumpkin beer, not just regular beer with a pumpkin on the label. We are giving years of carved gourds a chance at revenge in the form of intoxication, they shouldn't be pussyfooting around.

So, resolved to our task, with our rubric set up, and our bottle opener at the ready, we set off for the dark side of Halloween…

Dogfish Head "Punkin" Ale

Local (Milton, Deleware) favorite Dogfish Head was first up with their nod to southern-drawl-phonetics: Punkin Ale. According to their website, the brew is "a full-bodied, spicy brown ale brewed with real pumpkins…named after the Punkin' Chunkin' festival in Lewes, Delaware." (Actually, it's near Millsboro. It's this weekend, directions are here). We definitely give it the thumbs up for being small-batch and having a cool, minimalist label. But what about for drinking?

Aroma: It is indeed full-bodied. It's a little cinnamony, but overall it isn't good on the nose. "Yucky," was a quote from one taster.
Taste: "Ew! Bitter!" was first out of the gate. The Punkin' base doesn't really pull back to let the pumpkin flavor move to the front. In fact, you can't really taste the pumpkin at all. Not a bad beer taste, but not a good pumpkin beer taste.
Finish: The finish was just as bitter as the taste, and it was bitter for a long time. Bitter like Democrats thinking about '00 Nader voters.

DCist is not psyched about the Punkin' Ale. A taster summed it up with, "I would not enjoy another one of these." That's rough, Dogfish. We like your other brews, but are going to pass on your special seasonal until the spring when you bust out your ApriHop. If you want to try it, check for local distributors on their website. D.C. locals can find it at Schneider's.

Score (out of 5 pumpkins):

Smuttynose Pumpkin Ale

Smuttynose, named after a storied island off the coast of New Hampshire, brings us our second beer. Brewed in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, you might have to look hard to find this one in the area. Again, we found it at Schneider's on the Hill (hint: DCist loves this liquor store). With a little buzz going, we went headlong into the night.

Aroma: A big pumpkin aroma right off the bat; this is very promising. "A warm embrace of pumpkin," said DCist's roommate.
Taste: Unfortunately, the Smuttynose's aroma ends in a smoldering heap, with a weak-tasting beer. "Watery," was one comment. It's as if the ale overworked itself into smelling good and had nothing left to give the palate. Kind of like our first boyfriend.
Finish: The finish on this one was wicked long. Long like the lines for returning that pumpkin-colored sweater you received for your birthday, and almost as fun.

Wow. DCist doesn't want to hate on any beer that has a harbor seal as its mascot, but Smuttynose Pumpkin fell on its face. The alcohol worked its magic though, as DCist spent the next 10 minutes telling a boring story about a friend with double-jointed elbows. THAT doesn’t bode well for the evening.

Score (out of 5 pumpkins):

Sea Dog Brewing Company Pumpkin Ale

Sea Dog is a microbrewery out of Topsham, Maine, that works to produce a startlingly wide selection of beers. Trader Joe's picked them up, and it seems like they've been brewing gangbusters ever since. Sea Dog's seasonal Pumpkin Ale is wallet-friendly as Trader Joe's is in general, but can only be had at TJ's Virginia locations (thanks to Maryland's backward liquor laws). For DCist, it's number three of the evening.

Aroma: A heavy pumpkin smell. "It smells perfect," said one of our tasters. The nutmeg was right up front, tempting us to drink up.
Taste: Nothing short of pumpkin Shangri-la. Sea Dog gave us pretty much what we were looking for: a good amount of spice, a little sweet, not bitter at all. Overall, immensely satisfying.
Finish: Sea Dog walks away sweet and spicy, just like the taste.

Is this the Great Pumpkin? We think so. There is a downside, though. Sea Dog is the only beer we had that used flavoring, instead of natural pumpkin in the brewing process. We were disheartened at first, but soon forgot about it. It tastes good and, assuming the flavoring isn't toxic, does a better job than its natural cousin. Good boy, Sea Dog, good boy.

Score (out of 5 pumpkins):

Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale

On an outing to the Lost Dog Café way out west in Arlington, we picked up the Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale. We heart Blue Moon's (actually a Coors brand) Belgian White beer, so we had high hopes for its orange cousin. Let's go to the panel.

Aroma: "It actually smells like a pumpkin," said our roommate. It's true, it has a pleasant spice aroma. It smelled so much like pumpkin that we checked to see if there were any pumpkin guts in there: no dice.
Taste: Ack! Horrendous. It doesn't taste pumpkiny at all. In fact it doesn't even taste good. We summed it up when we said, "tastes like ass, with just a soupçon of pumpkin." Ugh, we shudder just thinking about it.
Finish: We didn't wait around for the finish, after its poor showing in the taste department. One of our tasters was wiping her tongue with a napkin just to make it stop.

Blue Moon! What happened? You're a great beer. Why do you want to inflict such horrible damage on us? Stick with what you know and leave the pumpkin ale to the Mainers.

Score (out of 5 pumpkins):

Post Road Pumpkin Ale

Would World Market lead us astray for our last beer of the night? We hoped not, but we were clamoring for a taste of something new after the Blue Moon fiasco, so we hopped right in. Post Road out of Utica, New York had an important job to do.

Aroma: This beer is middle of the road in aroma. You can smell the pumpkin, but it doesn't jump up and kiss you. This beer was the darkest of the bunch, with the color of a nut brown ale.
Taste: Oh, sweet relief! The Post Road is incredibly smooth, with just a hint of bitter at the front that is overtaken with a strong nutty flavor and a good deal of spice. The taste more than makes up for the aroma, much like ghastly stinky cheese. This is a really good pumpkin beer, highly recommended.
Finish: The finish was a little bitter, but with a good deal of pumpkin as well. Not bad, really, what you'd expect from a dark beer.

We had started to waiver, but the Post Road reinforced our love of the pumpkin brew. This one's only available in the autumn months, but at several different locations.

Score (out of 5 pumpkins):

DCist didn't go out after our tasting, as we were a little too tipsy, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't. There are pumpkin ales to be had not in DCist's living room. Capitol City Brewing Company currently has one on tap (and will for about a week, according to the hostess), and you might be able to find it at John Harvard's on E and 13th NW, if you're lucky.

We really love fall, and the availability of pumpkin beer makes it just that much more enjoyable. Let us know if you know of any other great pumpkin beers (especially on tap), or other autumnal potables we should be sipping.

Update:

Buffalo Bill's Pumpkin Ale

After a few days break from beer drinking (in order to cleanse our palates, obviously) we cracked under the comment pressure and tested some of the Buffalo Bill's Pumpkin Ale. Now, we said that we didn't see it at World Market when we went there but, as it turns out, we just assumed that it was a entire wall of the above Post Road. Of course we didn't ask anyone at World Market if they carried it; that would show weakness. We were ultimately rewarded for our stupidity, though. The Portland, Oregon based brew came home with us in the end, even if it was a little pissed.

Aroma: This one has the spiciest aroma of all that we tried. Like these Brits' lives, it is real good.
Taste: [sip] Mmm, cinammon, nutmeg...wait. [sip] Cinnamon, nutmeg, and... [sip] Cinnamon, nutmeg, and soap? What? [sip] Soap again! WTF?! Confused, this DCist went to the kitchen and put a freshly-grated nutmeg seed on his tongue to compare. A HA! Using our sleuthing skills acquired from hours with Movable Type, we concluded that a super-dose of nutmeg actually does give a little soapy flavor. It only lasts for a split-second, but we think that there is so much spice in the ale that it lends a little eau du soap to it. It's nutmeg flavored soap, and it's not bad at all . Don't let this put you off, as the rest of the flavor quickly rushes in to fill you up with real pumpkin pie taste. Not too sweet, not at all bitter. Overall, the flavor is warm and pleasant.
Finish: Fortunately the soap fades fast, and the Buffalo Bill's ends with a lingering spice flavor. Well done.

This is clearly a superlative pumpkin ale. Is it worth five full pumpkins? We opened another bottle of the Bill's and a bottle of Sea Dog for a side-by-side. The aroma and finish of the Bill's is clearly superior, but the soap is a little off-putting. Sea Dog didn't roll out any punches in the bottle-to-bottle combat, but it was cool in its defense. At the same time, Buffalo Bill worked hard. DCist hates to do it, but we're calling a draw.

Score (out of 5 pumpkins):