Back before their redesign, it was easy, web-wise, to find a little feature in the Examiner opinion section called "If I Were President..." (click here for a cached page we dug up).

The gist of it was this: the Examiner staff approaches local, uh, personalities, of greater (or in our case lesser) note, and asks them what their first act would be were they elevated to the office of President. Of the United States. Unable to follow directions, we went way over the word limit and ultimately gave them two acts. Justifiably irked, they cut out our joke, which, we'll freely admit, wasn't funny.

Anyway, if you feel like navigating the PDF of today's Examiner (or the real thing), check out page 19. And please, no comments on the photos.