FRIDAY:

Odds are good you will be imbibing a beer or 12 this evening in celebration of St. Patrick's Day, so please write down this number in big, bold letters and stick it in your wallet right now: 1-800-200-TAXI. That's the number for SoberRide, which will be in operation from 4 p.m. today until 4 a.m. tomorrow morning. If you're over 21, the SoberRide program will pay for a taxi (up to $50) to pick you up and take you home (they will not take you to another bar, so don't ask). You have to call when you need the taxi (no reservations) and you have to call from a DC, VA or MD area code -- that means you pretentious bastards who refuse to give up your New York cell phone numbers will need to borrow a friend's phone to use the service.

>>If you're still trying to decide where to make your Paddy's Day stand, we've got our suggestions here and Fritz Hahn at the Post has a list of all the Irish Pub parties for your perusal. Can't make up your mind and want us just to tell you where to go tonight? Why not head over to the National Geographic Society's St. Patrick's Day concert with DANÚ, an honest to goodness Celtic band (no offense to the local lads in Scythian, but everybody knows those guys are more Ukrainian than Irish) who were named "Best Band" by the 2004 BBC Radio Two Folk Awards. Tickets are $27, or $23 for National Geographic members, with two shows -- one at 7 p.m. and one at 9 p.m.

SATURDAY:

>>Last weekend a gaggle of sound technicians were seen installing an impressive array of player pianos, bass drums and electric bells on the upper level of the National Gallery of Art's East Wing in preparation for the first performance there of a fully-automated Ballet Méchanique. The piece, composer George Antheil's most notorious work, was originally supposed to be a soundtrack to a film of the same name by the French Dadaist painter Fernand Léger and cinematographer Dudley Murphy. But Antheil and the filmmakers eventually parted ways, and the atonal, percussion-heavy score now exists in the pantheon of famous musical failures, having been universally panned when it was performed in New York in 1927. Performances are scheduled for 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. on weekdays, and at 1 p.m. on weekends.

>>Something's in the air (or more likely, given our fair city's recent history, the water) and everyone we've talked to this week seems to be on the same page for this weekend: We Need to Get Our Dance On. Maybe it's the lingering effects of last weekend's faux spring, and everyone's just feeling a strong urge to bust loose from winter. But sometimes, you know, you just need to get down and get funky. Luckily Black Cat's old faithful, Britpop dance night Mousetrap, is pairing up with 80s dance night Right Round to take over the whole place (Mousetrap upstairs, Right Round in the backstage room downstairs) this Saturday night, and you get in to both for a downright reasonable $10. The music kicks off at 9:30, but no self respecting club kid would dare show up before 11.

SUNDAY:

>>Mikio Naruse's 1938 film TsuruhachiI and Tsurujiro is the sort of work cinematography students fall all over themselves for: two incredibly attractive stars made even more so by the director's masterful lighting technique, it's a study in sweeping, romantic photography. So much so that the story, revolving around two performers, a female samisen player and a male ballad singer who, though praised as a wonderful team, constantly bicker backstage, would almost be secondary were in not for the undeniable chemistry between Kazuo Hasegawa and Isuzu Yamada. At the Freer Gallery of Art as a part of their series Mikio Naruse: Japanese Master, through April 29. 2 p.m., free.