Whether he was still caught up in the Easter spirit of resurrection or, perhaps more simply, finally catching up on Season 2 of Sex and the City, WUSA reporter Derek McGinty has apparently felt the need to defibrillate a long-dead term from the pop-cultural lexicography of yesteryear. Amid a flurry of blind quotes, mentions of hand lotion, and somewhat inconclusive statements from a self-styled "Grooming Guru," McGinty attempts to get to the root of what it means to be an "Ubersexual."

On its own, the term "Ubersexual" conjures the image of some wickedly pheromonal Teutonic race of erotic demigods, plowing deep furrows in the verdant fields of their sex partners while maintaining not just a level of moistness rarely found outside the roster of the Italian Men's soccer team, but also a smirking fluidity where the Kinsey scale is concerned. McGinty's specimens, by contrast, come off as semi-perplexed schmoes who seem tetchy over the perceived femininity that comes along with being tagged a "metrosexual."

Mostly, however, the practice of Ubersexuality comes across in the article as a random assortment of sartorial and grooming choices baked into a half-assed lifestyle casserole: "A Metrosexual, let’s say will take a shower, use scrub on his hands, use a nail brush, then come out and moisturize his hands - whereas an Ubersexual will just use hand lotion."

Uhm, sure. Though one would like to think that showering might be something we could all enjoy.

With the random quotes and the deluge of terminology ("Old School", "Marlboro Man"), it becomes difficult to determine where "Ubersexuality" begins and ends. This is perhaps fitting: the discovery of a unified field theorem for how people come to slap their genitals together would very likely take all the fun out of it. One thing's for sure, however: before another article on another group of Prefixsexuals gets penned, let's at least have some baseline evidence that someone's actually getting boned. Otherwise, it's all just hot talk about soap and water.