If a Cow Moos in Silver Spring and People Bitch About It, Is it Still Delicious?
It appears as if the rumors are true. Months of speculation, faux closings, and exasperation are near their end. Ray's the Steaks is looking for staff to fill the positions at the new (and presumably more congenial) location in Silver Spring dubbed "Ray's the Classics." No joke! Our friend Craig told us.

Reading the job postings, you might expect that the interviews for the positions would be straightforward, but DCist knows better. Ray's owner Michael Landrum is an enigma shrouded in mystery drizzled with Diablo sauce. He's a sea cucumber dipped in Astroglide. You can never tell what he's up to, but we're here to make sure you don't miss the between-the-lines requirements for a Ray's interview. If you want to land the job, read on.

• Ray's steaks are top notch. They're cut either by or under the direction of someone who knows what he's doing. These steaks aren't out of the Giant freezer case. So, you're going to have to kill and butcher a cow. It's a lot to ask a prospective employee, I know! But, you're going to have to do it sometime, so you might as well get it over with. Landrum might let you get away with something small like a pig or a chinchilla right off the bat, but will expect you to graduate quickly.

• You will have to be intimately familiar with the Western Canon of literature. Landrum is one erudite steak-slinger, so you'll need to keep up. He'll often deal with situations by quoting The Aeneid or Edmund Burke and you won't have time to look these things up. You'll just have to act! You can ignore Phaedo's Apology, though.

• You have to learn the real names and faces of all the folks on DonRockwell.com because many of them will want special treatment. You won't have to give it to them, but you'll want to be aware of who's posting about not getting a demitasse of crab bisque.

• This location makes Ray's an interstate business. As such, there will be a geography test. You'll be asked to name all the States and their capitals, and well as all the Canadian provinces. He'll also throw an impromptu map test, so make sure you know the difference between Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan. Knowing Africa wouldn't hurt, either.

• If you're a jerk, you're not welcome at Silver Spring. That's the whole reason the place is opening up, after all.

Matchbox Growing to Size of Crayon Box
DCist buddy Metrocurean has the goods on the upcoming expansion of Chinatown pizza place Matchbox. The expansion will increase their seating from 75 to 200, which is at least what that place needs. The new digs will also have a second oven, patio seating, and a private room. It's about time, I say. The place is good, but it's not a 90-minute wait for two on a random Wednesday night good. Good gravy!

Yuca Es No Más
Do you Yuca? You don't any more. Despite being the location of a recent blogger happy hour, Yuca was evicted from its space on M and 18th Streets NW yesterday. DCfüd was Johnny-on-the-spot while people were apparently trying to swipe the furniture from the sidewalk. I am so sad I missed that. Do you think they made mojitos for passers-by?

Photo from flickrite Saffana.