June 19, 2006
Sear and Loathing in Washington
Watching food personality Rachael Ray on television makes us want to buy exactly $40 worth of "EVOO," break the glass bottles the EVOO came in, and use the oily shards to cut the word "yummo" into our skin just to feel again. Watching chef Bobby Flay on television makes us want to toss ourselves on a smoking-hot grill, smear ancho-chili sauce and mango chutney on the marks in our flesh, and jump on a cutting board to proclaim our hatred for him. Our reactions are relatively mild.
Then, why are we attending Flay-Ray's joint speech tonight at the Kennedy Center as part of the ASAE and Center for Association Leadership's 2005-2006 Nation's Capital Distinguished Speakers Series?
- We're curious to see what happens when the Gatekeeper meets the Keymaster.
- Nothing beats playing the Rachael Ray drinking game in real time. Example: Ms. Ray says, "I threw five drafts of this speech into the 'GB.'" We take two drinks.
- Because time does not heal all wounds, we plan to heckle Bobby over the infamous cutting board incident with Masaharu Morimoto. To paraphrase from the Québécois' license plates, nous nous souvenons.
- It's slim pickings for foodie entertainment tonight, and Flay-Ray live beats out Gordon Ramsay's Hell's Kitchen on FOX. A fresh episode of the fantastic Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on BBC America would have made for a tougher call.
- We landed a free ticket.
- We lost a bet -- which means that we have to use the free ticket.
According to the Flay-Ray press release, the love-'em-or-hate-'em pair will "explore the role of the creative process in their work and delve into how food and wine have brought people together for centuries, connecting diverse cultures and enhancing the richness of life." The "richness of life" part undoubtedly holds special meaning for the polarizing, yet money-making duo -- what with ticket prices originally starting at $50 and topping out at $85.
Those prices haven't deterred their fans, who apparently don't care that Bobby Flay seems to be a total jackass and who evidently have no use for Rachael Ray's tips on how to dine out for less than $40 a day (Rachael's hints in a nutshell: have a smoothie for dinner when you're getting close to the limit, buy the cheapest "sammies" money can buy regardless of quality, and undertip). Indeed, we hear that tickets are close to sold out.
To be fair, Flay-Ray have endeavored to make cooking accessible -- an entirely noble cause. We just happen to find them irritating and question certain of their methods. If you dig them (or, like us, simply like to see famous people), a few tickets remain available via the Kennedy Center box office. Beware, though -- the Kennedy Center is now charging $60 a piece for the cheap seats and $100 for orchestra seats, so you might want to give Craig a shot first.
See you there. We'll be the ones standing during the speech with our backs turned to Flay-Ray.
Bobby Flay & Rachael Ray
"Food, Culture and Fulfillment: Living a Richer Life"
2005-2006 Nation's Capital Distinguished Speakers Series
Kennedy Center (Concert Hall)
2700 F Street NW
(202) 467-4600
June 19, 2006
8 p.m.
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nice veiled conceit shout out.
i have to say that I abhore flayjerk more than ray. i mean his claim to fame is to charbroil meat and puts sauce on it...i mean how creative is that? i hate him more than I do warren brown's show...
"i hate him more than I do warren brown's show..."
That's just not possible.
You managed to find the two best photos for this piece. Nice work.
Rachel Ray is the antichrist
YOUR SOUL WILL BE VANQUISHED TO THE ETERNAL GARBAGE BOWL!
I have a hard time with RR and her "yummo" stuff. I once dated a girl who told me, "these Jell-o shots are yummy!" and I broke up with her shortly after that.
Flay and Ray are a couple of brutes that need exterminating, and not because they're a closet case and a cokehead, respectively.
I love how you could hand RR a freshly used diaper, and she'd take a big bite, roll her eyes in ecstasy, and proclaim, "THAT...is so GOOD!"
Flush twice.
You forgot chipotle SOMETHING. The man can't cook ANYTHING without shoving a chipotle pepper into it. Baking a cake? Add chipotles. My hatred for him burns with the heat of a thousand suns. Why is Iron Chef Asshat here again anyway?
And don't get me started on Rachel Ray. Any talent she had is long long gone. I'm sure she'll explode with the fatness soon and then, once people aren't blinded by her psuedo-beauty, they'll realize her food sucks.
Sorry. I'm aggro.
Oh yeah, wtf is with Ray always tucking her shirt in?
I think that Ray is actually a robot. Her tv-host gestures are mechanical.
I like watching RR's show, because its on early on Saturday morning when I'm just waking up, and she's so hyper she's bouncing off the walls. Lay off the coffee, woman. And the way she gets by on $40 a day is to be stingy with tipping. One of these days she's going to visit the same place twice and get hot soup spilled down her back.
Some Food Network promo once asked "What do you get when you cross Rachel Ray and Alton Brown?" my immediate response was "A Meth lab!"
The best thing RR could possibly do is get mixed up with Alton Brown; perhaps some of his brains would rub off on her, but hell if I'd be worried Alton would dumb down just for being in her presence. :(
And yeah, I noticed that too after a little while-the only way she makes her 40 dollars a day is to tip in change. That's just asstastic.
I read an article some time back where the reporter questioned RR on her tipping practices. She said that she actually tips much more than what you see on the show (I believe the quote was something like "I've been in the industry my whole life. I'm a gross over-tipper"). She just uses either 15 or 18 percent pre-tax (I don't remember which) when figuring the budget. Although I was happy to know that she actually does tip more than what you see on the show, she's still setting a precendent that 15 percent, pre-tax, is sufficient. That sucks.
Then again, if her Oprah-produced talk show this fall is a hit, she probably won't have time for her Food Network shows.
I'm sorry to break it to you, but 15% pre-tax IS sufficient when it comes to tipping. It may not be generous, it may not be what servers would prefer, but it's the basis that the US government uses to calculate servers' taxes, and the rate which nearly every American has been taught as the standard. Servers may want the new standard to be 18%, and for anyone leaving less than 20% to feel guilty, but that's just not the way things are.
Nate - I've also noticed a movement in the last few years to make the tip a % of the after-tax figure. I dunno where the hell this started (it generally only makes a difference at expensive places or with large parties, anyway).
All y'all are lame. Michael included.
The fact that, first of all, you know about these two, and second, that you know so friggin' much about them -- it speaks volumes.
More than your straining-to-be-cynical words intended to dis them.
Admit it. You're pop, you're plugged in, you watch TV, you're as starfucking as all the rest of us.
Altazar: Admit it? I thought I did when I wrote that we "simply like to see famous people." If you're a regular Food Network viewer (or indeed one who gives new shows a shot), I don't see how you can avoid Flay and Ray. They are two of countless celebrities about whom we know very much but for whom we care very little.
Pheonix, I am a server but not upset by you tipping 15 percent pre tax. You are not just giving away that money though you should know that you are buying something. If you don't go out to eat much I guess it doesn't matter. But we do remember people even if you have only eaten at a restaurant once and you have a different server there is a pretty good chance we know what you tip. We have this one guy who remembers people from like 3 years back, what they ate and how they tipped. If you sit down at my table and tipped poorly or caused problems before (or if you were great also) he will always come and let me know. So if you plan on going back to the restaurant you are currently dining at I recommend throwing down a STANDARD 20 percent. The government statement you made is wrong. You are required to report ALL TIPS or face IRS penalty. Not that anyone ever does but just so you know they don't have a standard that you are taxed on. They make it very clear they don't have a set tip percentage. If you make 7 percent you are supposed to be taxed on that. 25 percent same deal. So the way I figure "standard" is that probably 70-75 percent of my customers leave somewhere in that 18-22 percent range post tax with another 5 percent being above that and probably 5 percent of the ones below being tourists complete with name tags. Most customers don't sweat the less-than-dollar amount calculating pre-tax makes. They just look at that 53 dollar check multiply 5 by two and leave 10 bucks. Just remember you are purchasing service. Its just like at a carwash when you pay the extra 5 bucks for tire cleaning. It is an add-on to your meal. Servers prioritize all night long. Should I run this steak, get that guy a refill on his soda, or greet table 67 first? If your steak is ready to come out to your table and I also see a party who always leaves me 20 percent low on soda, they are getting refills while your steak sits under the warmer and toughens up for a few minutes. I am not being vindictive it is just economics. I am increasing my take home. You can rant and rave and say servers like me deserve to be fired or whatever but chances are you will never know that your steak should have been more tender. And if you hate it and decide never to come back, I don't care. It frees up more table space for someone who might give me 20 percent. All that being said I am not one of these servers who gets pissed or rude when people leave 15 or lower. That is fine just know that you are opting out of the extra service option.
Sorry my message was meant for Nate not pheonix.
foodfiend: I hear you, I hear you -- we tip the service and we're served the tip. Maybe you're a good waiter, but there are so many better-than-ehh restaurants out there who have a young, inexperienced waitstaff and they butcher meals like, well...like it's their job. I wouldn't (and don't) tip a bad waiter 20% in the hopes that he'll pref me next time.
Another thing: all my waiter-friends have come to expect 20%, but that doesn't mean their service deserves that tip. Obviously I tip them well -- they're my friends -- but frankly, I claim and they've admitted that when their tips for a night are crappy, it makes them work harder. There's a reason why tipping is in the hands of the customer. Ideally, it motivates waiters to do their jobs well.
I've waited tables and the job requires next to no skill, like working in fast food. Waiters and waitresses make way more than they are worth and think they should get more. It's stupid. If you want to make a more money learn how to do somthing a complete idiot can't do instead of blackmailing customers into bribing your dumb ass into actually doing your job.
I'm guessing "Michael" was the star waiter at the Complete Idiot Bistro. "Five percent or fight!"
Meanwhile, back in the real world, we buy what the FoodFiend is selling. If you want to roll large, tip large. Plain and simple. It's not about the waiter blackmailing the customer, it's about the customer making a fairly painless investment in order to get top-tier treatment. I can tell you from personal experience that before long, your good tips pay dividends at the places you frequent--preferential treatment on seating, speedier service and the frequent freebie being among them.
I've heard all the chic-sounding reasons against tipping (they're all available in Waiterrant's comment streams if you haven't reached the sufficient been-there-done-that level) and the inevitable conclusion is that no matter how you dress your anti-tip stance, one message comes screaming out: You're cheap! You're cheap! You're cheap!
Why don't you tip your accountant or your cashier or anyone else? What are you cheap? You tip or not because it is expected. Tipping some one for carringing an order to the kitchen and returning with a plate is silly. Most countries pay their waitstaff an appropriate wage and then don't require tipping. I prefer that system; in america I tip the idiots 15% like you are supposed to, because I know they aren't payed shit. But seriously waiters and waitresses make more than other entry level jobs that require skills that retards can't master and I don't think that is appropriate "Jason".
"the frequent freebie" you mean if you pay the waitstaff they will steal for you! Maybe? That's awesome.
Sigh. Nice example of the been-there-done-that I mentioned. YAAAAAAAWWWWWWNNNN.
You don't tip for the carrying of plates. You tip so that your dining experience gets off on the right foot and develops into something first-class.
Really, if i have to explain it to you, you'll never know! Suffice it to say that it's an easy bet that I'm having a better dining out experience than you by LEAPS and BOUNDS--and at such a minimal cost.
Ok, so Flay is a arrogant and Ray is ebullient. (understatements, yes, but I am trying to keep it clean) Everybody calm down. I don't seriously watch those shows looking for a meal that will impress my friends or get dinner on the table in 30. It's ENTERTAINMENT. Relax. They gotta hook you in with something. So Flay's all "Hey look at me, I'm cookin on my uber sophisticated roof top grille." Rach is playing the down-homey-anybody can do this thang. So what? Do you think anybody's studying the ingredients on Giada Dilaurentiis' show? No, they are leering at her boobs that are about ready to pop out of her shirt. Do they care that Dave Lieberman has saved a bundle on his faux haute cuisine? Of course not. He's just pretty to look at. I'll admit it. I watch Food TV. I sit there, chill. Think about cooking stuff, but ultimately throw Trader Joes Pasta into a pan. There's something calming about it, but that's just me. If it's that irritating, don't watch!
Michael you must have been a horrible server. Your arguments don't mesh. You bitch about service being bad but then go on to say it is the easiest thing in the world "just carrying plates". It just doesn't make sense. If that is all it is then how are they messing it up. And you are the exact holier than thou customer who treats waiters like "the help". Get over yourself. I work a full time analyst job in the day which requires a college degree and it is 30 times easier than my evening job waiting tables. And why would you tip your accountant? He gets a paycheck. I get entry level wages at my day job and if I think I am overpaid at one of my jobs it is my office one. I sit in an airconditioned office in a comfortable chair all day. At night I am on my feet all night running through hot kitchens, burning my hands on hot plates and getting talked down to like an idiot or failure because I am getting your food. And we don't steal freebies. You worked in a restaurant?? We do have comps and frequently use them as a thank you for good clients. I don't think that is totally unheard of in any business. And as far as the European wage comment, BRING IT ON. I would LOVE to get a flat wage and benefits instead of depending on tips. (I already have bennies from my other job but I can think of some people who would love it). And lastly this goes for everyone, it dissappoints me that we still have so many people in such an educated and classy city who treat servers like they are beneath them. Some people always assume that waiters are some uneducated losers who must have failed in life at some point to end up cleaning dirty plates off your table. At my restaurant we have 2 people working on phd's right now, 3 on masters degrees and a handful of college students. 4-5 of us have full time entry level office jobs.
"Most countries pay their waitstaff an appropriate wage and then don't require tipping."
That's where "French Waiter Syndrome" comes from. What happens when servers get paid a wage and tips go by the wayside? The service--which you already decry--goes right in the toilet. There'd be no incentive for a server to do anything but the bare minimum.
Of course, the natural advantage servers have operating in the conditions of French Waiter Syndrome is that they never have to shy away from telling you exactly what they think of you.
Oh, and the money you think you'd be offsetting by not tipping? The owner will simply take it from you himself when he has to jack up his prices to pay everyone a standardized wage. And, in all likelihood, he'd take more from you that the server would under the tipping regime.
Ultimately, tipping may not square with your weird worldview--in which white collar professionals are entitled to gratuities by dint of having a more vaunted profession (I guess to allay their deap-seated inferiority complexes!)--but there is a system by which the majority of dining-out Americans enjoy the experience that depends on the delicate balance of service and incentive, diner and server. You may not like it, but the SYSTEM WORKS. Let's have no more mucking about with it!
This all has me rolling with laughs. I thing Flay and Ray should have a child and then BBQ it. They both make me puke. No talent between the 2.