July 11, 2006
The Militant Pedestrian’s 10 Rules of the Road
By DCist contributer Clare Kelley.
D.C. has a lot of important people going to a lot of important places. However, unless your vehicle has flashing lights and sirens on it, a pedestrian’s life and/or safety is actually more important than where you’re going. With that in mind, DCist hereby announces the following rules for Militant Pedestrians, effective immediately:
1. If, when stopped at a red light, your car is anywhere in the crosswalk, pedestrians are allowed to trample over your car. Female pedestrians should feel free to change out of their commuter shoes and back into their stiletto heels before trampling the car.
2. If you honk at a pedestrian when said pedestrian clearly has the right of way, (this means YOU, drivers who ignore the sign that says “Yield to Pedestrians When Turning" in 2 inch block letters at 16th and U St. NW!), the pedestrian may stand in the middle of the intersection in front of your car for an amount of time to be determined him or her, blocking your progress while laughing at your hapless state of powerlessness. Other passersby may also feel free to point and mock you.
3. If you are pulling out of a parking garage and you block the sidewalk so that a pedestrian must either wait for you or be forced into oncoming traffic, you will be sentenced to do community service by leading a family of Midwestern tourists on a Segway Tour of the monuments in the middle of the day during the July heat wave.
4. If you ignore the red lights in the middle of a traffic circle, simply because they are traffic circles and you think you’re only inconveniencing pedestrians, you will be banished to a moldy church basement for the afternoon while your car is immobilized by illegal double parkers for the remaineder of the day.
5. If you drive your motorcycle/scooter on the sidewalk, pedestrians can feel free to jam a stick in the wheels and then point and laugh when you fall over.
6. If you drive too fast on narrow residential roads, the parents of that neighborhood may send their children to your house when they have not napped and are really cranly with only packets of ketchup and grape jelly to play with.
7. If you do any of the above while talking on your cell phone, you will be sentenced to ride the entire Orange Line in a Metro car with two dozen teenage girls the day after the latest episode of American Idol (OMG!).
DCist recognizes that not all traffic crimes are perpetrated by motorists. Therefore, we also offer rules 8-10:
8. If you stop for a pedestrian in a crosswalk, the pedestrian must cross reasonably quickly. Giving you the courtesy wave is optional, but encouraged to reinforce your good behavior.
9. If an oblivious pedestrian has stepped too far into a lane where you have the right of way, your passenger is allowed to roll down his window and yank those ridiculous iPod ear buds out of the pedestrian’s ears. Extra points if he has the dexterity to actually gank the iPod, in which case he is entitled to keep it. If you disapprove of the music selection, you are allowed to find the pedestrian and harass her for her poor taste in music.
10. If a pedestrian crosses against the light and flips you off, you are allowed to forcibly remove her middle finger and use it at your office as a trophy to scare new employees.
DCist is confident that if these rules are followed and enforced, pedestrian-motorist relations will significantly improve.
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I don't really agree with 3. Drivers often need to block the sidewalk so that they can wait until they can join traffic. Sitting ten feet back so that you can pass won't let them see traffic. Besides, the pedestrian can often just walk behind the car.
However, I totally agree with 4. On my normal run I pass a traffic circle at which I need to cross a one-way "exit". Normally it has a green arrow allowing the cars to exit the circle without stopping, but every two minutes or so the arrow turns red (but the circle traffic can continue to go straight) to allow pedestrians to cross. I can never trust it though because I always ALWAYS(!) see at least one car blow right through it. I normally try and smack the trunk and yell at them, but often they're going too fast.
#3 is stupid. What are you supposed to do, just blindly pull into traffic?
Give us drivers a break! DC is a tough city to drive, I hate that I often have to pull into a cross walk before I can safely drive away from a stop sign. But when someone's gi-normous SUV is parked on the corner, you just can't see what's coming.
11. if you step out in front of moving traffic, you will be killed by a 2-ton vehicle. right-of-ways are nice, but cars weigh more than you.
walk defensively.
Is there a reason why that "militant pedestrian" street sign appears only on the home page, but not on the page with the full blog post? It cracked me up when I saw it on the RSS feed.
Don't forget the bicycles and wheelchairs!
- Pedestrians who hog the sidewalk ramps before wheelchair-bound individuals and bicyclists may be mowed down at will by those blocked.
- On the flip side, any bicyclist who cuts off pedestrians in his rush to run the next red light (this happens to me constantly, since BICYCLES ARE SO FAR ABOVE THE LAW YOU CAN'T REACH `EM) will be made to pump gas for SUVs in exurban neighborhoods, for a number of hours corresponding to number of red lights run. (And not biodiesel either. Super Unleaded.)
Yeah, #4 is good. I see that happen at least a couple of times a week while walking through Dupont Circle.
For #9 I would also add that your passenger is allowed to swipe cell phone and/or blackberry and max out the minutes on the monthly call/data plan before returning said device.
I would also suggest adding some sort of punishment for pedestrians who begin crossing very busy streets when the "don't walk" sign is at 1 or 2 seconds, espeically while cars are waiting to turn left (such as at 16th and L streets).
Reid, here's some friendly advice: don't slap cars. They're bigger than you.
I used slap cars (and hit them with an umbrella) until one day someone actually shifted into reverse and tried to run me over. It was lucky that I managed to jump out of the way.
I've decided life's too short, and I'd rather be able to walk than make a point to some a-hole who is disobeying traffic laws.
#2 is good, but we need to take firmer action against honking in general.
Drivers: Your horn is meant to be used for SAFETY ONLY, not because you're pissed that the guy in front of you isn't driving fast enough.
Pedestrians should carry air horns with them so that when a car near you honks gratuitously, you can walk up, tap on the window, and blow the air horn in the inconsiderate driver's face. That'll learn 'em!
Paulo: technically, bicyclists don't have any claim to the sidewalk ramps - at least, nothing to let them mow down pedestrians. 18 DCMR 1201.10 says that bicyclists are supposed to yield right-of-way, on sidewalks, to pedestrians.
I'm all for the wheelchairs running them down, though.
Agree or disagree with #3, the punishment is pretty heinous...
Why exactly are iPod earbuds "ridiculous"?
This post tries way too hard, but I'm not sure what it's trying to do.
Because when walking you should be paying attention to your surroundings instead of listening to music that drowns them out.
Rule #11 - Bicyclists, you are vehicles, not pedestrians...so get your ass in the street and stay there.
As for the supposed #11 - not in MoCo - bikes are allowed on the sidewalk. I wouldn't ride the pike anywhere but the sidewalk, but I'm super slow, not your typical messenger-type cyclist.
Can we implement the punishment for number 7 on other crimes against humanity, i.e. the Logan Circle Church double-parkers or the "escalumps" who stand on the left side of the Metro escalators?
I'm all for making drivers strictly follow the law, but only if pedestrians are as strict on themselves as they are on the drivers. So let's start with the most simple rule:
If the red hand/don't walk sign is staring you in the face, don't walk. Stay on the sidewalk. Don't just go ahead and cross because you feel like you can get to the other side, even if you choose to walk slow to prove you can. Don't even step into the street where a turning car might come so close to you you get sensitive about it. Just stay on the side walk until you get the walk sign. And if you see someone else start crossing while the don't walk signal is on, don't just follow like a herd of sheep. Stay on the sidewalk. I bet you can't do it consistently. You know why? Because you're as human as the drivers, even as you act like you're better.
ah, but kelby, we aren't carrying around 2500+ lbs of metal for fun, by endangering ourselves when no traffic is coming, but 20+ seconds remain on the no-walkie sign, we don't run the risk of killing/injuring others directly. (of course they may swerve or something, but it just isn't human nature to step out in front of a moving vehicle while on foot, strange how that nature changes when on bicycle or in a car)
The day I see a motorized wheelchair using the sidewalk as opposed to the road, is the day the old folks/ROD place closes its doors in my neighborhood. It makes sense though: DC sidewalks are pretty uneven.
Actually I've learned to fear bicyclists more than drivers or supposed crack crazed thug rapists which apparently are just rampaging all over town. At least they don't whiz right by me, and often yell before they attack. Next bike I see on the sidewalk gets a stick in the spokes. I am so goddamn tired of having a near heart attack from those inconsiderate bastards. And I'm not even talking about the bike messengers, who use the ROAD.
Drivers in DC are absolutely spoiled with the patience of pedestrian compared to any large city. You'd be oh so lucky to make it through a week without a few dents in Paris, or even a few thumps on your car and a big middle finger in say New York City.
I want one for cars pulling into traffic circles, who don't feel the need to stop at the red light. (read: Thomas Circle)
"But I'm just making a right on red!"
It's not a right, *&$#. If that lights not intended for you, who is it for?
I don't love the insinuation of violence against women in #9 and #10. Not that I love the idea of violence against anyone, but #10 in particular really turned my stomach. And I don't think anyone needs to be told that harrassing women on the street is okay, even in jest.
Oh get over yourself, CL...there's a big difference between yelling at a pedestrian that crosses against the light, forces you to slam on your brakes, and then decides you've ruined her day by bringing your filthy car within a few feet of her precious body...i usually settle for giving such people a dirty look, but the last time a pedestrian pulled out that middle finger moments after bounding happily into traffic I was more than obligated to tell her to go fu*k herself (and mock her Forever 21 top, but whatever)
Re: Bikes - I've always wondered - the slogan for bicycle safety via cars is "Share the Road"; I'm all for that when I'm in my car, but shouldn't bicyclists have to obey traffic laws too in their quest for sharing the road? I can't tell you angry it makes me to have bicyclists endanger not only themselves but also drivers when they decide they are in too big of a hurry and run red lights. What's the harm in waiting 20(...19...18...17) seconds to continue on your way?
The only place in the Metro area where I am aware that bicycles, by law, are specifically NOT allowed on the sidewalks is downtown DC -- although I hasten to add that I ALWAYS ride my bike on the street, regardless of my location, where many drivers seem to feel I'm not allowed either.
As for bicyclists engaging in infractions against peds, I'm sure some of us could use some lessons in courtesy. However, if I had a quarter for everytime a pedestrian steps out in front of me against the light and/or when I have the right-of-way, I'd be very rich indeed!
To #22's comments about bicycles at red lights, OF COURSE we should all obey all traffic laws (cyclists and drivers alike). But seriously, is their a driver out there who never, ever runs red lights, merely slows down at Stop signs, speeds up at yellow lights, obeys the speed limits, and always stops before turning right on red?? When you see cyclists engage in such things, you're right to observe they are wrong in doing so, but I'd suggest examining your own driver before you judge too harshly. After all, a car is much more dangerous than a bicycle.
According to everything I've read, in Fairfax County and in DC, sidewalks are open to cyclists if there is not a bike lane on the road. However, that doesn't change the fact that I've never heard a cyclist in DC announce his/her presence to the pedestrians he/she is about to run down.
My biggest complaint as a driver is when I get an arrow to make a left turn at an intersection where making a left turn otherwise is near impossible, and pedestrians ignore the Don't Walk signal and barge ahead in a big herd anyway, so you can't turn. This pisses me off. It's especially bad at 14th & U and 14th & K.
From DC's municipal regulations (in other words, it's against the law to ride your bike on a sidewalk downtown):
1201.9 There shall be no prohibition against any person riding a bicycle upon a sidewalk within the District, so long as the rider does not create a hazard; Provided, that no person shall ride a bicycle upon a sidewalk within the Central Business District except on those sidewalks expressly designated by Order of the Mayor, nor shall any person ride a bicycle upon a sidewalk in any area outside of the Central Business District if it is expressly prohibited by Order of the Mayor and appropriate signs to such effect are posted.
as a meek, slow-riding bicyclist, I just want to say that I don't feel welcome on either the street or the sidewalk. :(
Chris, true cars are per se more dangerous than bikes; however, the way some bicyclists weave in and out of traffic and run red lights into oncoming traffic, they can sometimes be more dangerous than cars. No one is a perfect driver/rider, granted, but on the whole I would say a bike (which is harder to see than a car) has more potential downtown to cause an accident.
What grinds my gears (pun intended) about bicyclists is that they want to act like a car when they take up all that space on the road, but when it comes to obeying traffic laws (which is required in most localities), they no longer want to pretend to be a motor vehicle. Such a double standard! And to top it all off, there are those bicyclists who ride the road like a car and are nothing more than "weekend warriors" who don't know much about how to handle traffic and don't even wear a helmet.
Chris, true cars are per se more dangerous than bikes; however, the way some bicyclists weave in and out of traffic and run red lights into oncoming traffic, they can sometimes be more dangerous than cars.
Really? I didn't know bicycles weighed one and a half tons, traveled well above posted speed limits, and were capable of killing a pedestrian instantly. Go figure!
OK, a quick pedestrian pet peeve: I will give you total, and I mean total, right of way in crosswalks, but in return, I get total, and I mean total, right of way in the street. This is particularly bad around 1st and G Sts. NE (Union Station area). Huge groups walk diagonally across the street (i.e. putting themselves in the street for as long as possible) and then get beyond annoyed if you honk or get close...it's the street people!
back to CL's comments about #9 and #10 insinuating violence against women: you nutball. the writer was simply using gender-neutral rules and switching pronouns - some sentences used "he" while others used "she". get a grip! you make the rest of us sane feminists look bad.
i sold my car, and so now am more of a pedestrian, but when i do use my roommate's car, i go absolutely INSANE when a pedestrian crosses with the "don't walk" sign. many times i've had to sit at a green light, waiting impatiently as a pedestrian began his (slooooow) walk after the happy little flashing walk guy had turned to a nasty red hand. who the eff do you think you are? i would never do that - how do i know people are going to stop? so i always honk at them. they deserve it.
WHOA, Civil Negligence, you have taken your observations of some bicyclists and applied them to all bicyclists. How'd you like it if I did that with motorists?
As a cyclist: I don't weave around traffic(unless it's for my own safety), I don't run red lights into oncoming traffic, and I certainly wear a helmet. As for taking my rightful place on the road, you need to read the law: we're allowed there, and DC we're required to ride as far to the right AS IS SAFELY POSSIBLE. I offer absolutely no apology for riding my bike in the center of the lane if that's the only way I can prevent getting side-swiped by some insane driver.
dur, again, cars are per se more dangerous, but the way bikes can come out of nowhere and force those in cars to react in undesirable ways does make bikes an acute problem at time. This is especially true in dwntown areas where cars are usually stop and go while bikers dart in and out of traffic without warning. That is all I was saying. I never suggested that bikes are always more dangerous than cars in my post, just that they can, from time to time, have unique ways of causing accidents.
Chris, I never insinuated that you were not allowed in the road. By all means, stay in the road (even the middle of the road if need be), just be sure to follow traffic laws like us cars. I think it is only fair.
My apologies if it seemed like I was applying my views on all bicyclists-- I was not; it is simply an observation I have consistently been making downtown from about 75% of the biking population. If you follow the law kudos to you, but you appear to be the exception downtown rather than the norm.
As a pedestrian who lives in DC and works in the suburbs, let me say that most DC drivers are pretty good. However, suburban drivers scare the crap out of me. I'm not sure they're aware that pedestrians are actually out there - they often squint at me puzzledly (why is that girl without her car?) as they screetch to a halt 6 inches from my calves. There have been several pedestrian deaths outside my office in PG county, most hit-and-runs.
When I had a car in DC (getting rid of it was one of the best ideas I've ever had) I was continually amazed by not how recklessly everyone drove, but how badly. No one seemed to know who had right of way in an intersection. No one knew how to merge without creating a traffic snarl. No one seemed to know how to share the roads with pedestrians and bicycles.
A lot the more clueless behavior on DC area roads was explained to me when I took a foreign graduate student for a drivers exam in Virginia. When I took my own road exam in New York, it was a 20 minute road test with parallel parking, 3-point turns, and several one way streets. For example, only the following stop sign approach was allowed to pass the exam was the following:
My friend's road test in Virginia? Seven cones in a parking lot. A couple of turns through the cones and he was licensed driver of the great commonwealth of Virginia. Explains a lot, actually, about how bad traffic is there.
Civil Negligence - I would say that obeying traffic laws downtown in general are the exception rather than the rule. Again, I'll say it -- look at the behavior of your fellow motorists before you make judgements on your two-wheeled friends.
In response to "e" in #12:
"If an oblivious pedestrian has stepped too far into a lane where you have the right of way, your passenger is allowed to roll down his window and yank those ridiculous iPod ear buds out of the pedestrian’s ears."
How do iPod earbuds "drown out" a person's view of where the sidewalk ends?
Clare was trying to be cool and poke fun at iPod earbuds for no apparent reason in her post. I bet she owns an iPod too.
This is an awful post. Just plain stupid.
#12: Guess the deaf are just target practice for motorists.
DC really could invest in directional audio cues for crosswalks, so the blind could get across safely. Maybe that's why I see so few in DC, they've all been killed.
And god forbid you be elderly or not in perfect yuppie health, and you need a little extra time to cross. The fact that that isn't even the slightest consideration tells me a lot more about DCist's readership than I ever wanted to know.
#12: Guess the deaf are just target practice for motorists.
DC really could invest in directional audio cues for crosswalks, so the blind could get across safely. Maybe that's why I see so few in DC, they've all been killed.
And god forbid you be elderly or not in perfect yuppie health, and you need a little extra time to cross. The fact that that isn't even the slightest consideration tells me a lot more about DCist's readership than I ever wanted to know.
In defense of the writer, she did say "reasonably" in regards to the amount of time taken to cross the street. I certainly am not about to honk at little old ladies, but I get more than plenty seemingly "perfectly healthy yuppies" who like to cross slowly and stare at you with a smirk, basically taunting you as they go.
Also, I try to be considerate of bikers, and I date a bicycle commuter, but PLEASE do not insist that you get to share a multilane road (biking in the lane) and then "cut corners" by snaking up between lanes instead of waiting in line like everyone else.
One more thing, I have seen a HUGE increase in the number of drivers wearing headphones or earbuds. I used to see it maybe once in a blue moon (like maybe four times in the 10 years I've been driving), but I've seen it an additional four times in the past month! Anyone else noticing this?
Yeah I don't recall saying anything about deaf people...since they probably aren't, you know, listening to music. But since you recognize that not being able to hear makes walking more difficult, surely you'd agree that you shouldn't listen to music while doing so!
I don't own a car, I'm speaking as a pedestrian here, but I always worry about those people I see walking or jogging with headphones in. My concern is more that they will get mugged than that they're going to wander into the street, but when you're not paying attnention you can miss things. I know someone who got hit by a metrobus while walking and talking on his cell phone. He was lucky to live.
Also a few intersections do have the audio cues, somewhere around L and 20th I think, but certainly we should have more.
Re: earbuds. My experience/observations have been that people using iPods (or other mp3 players), cell phones, blackberries, etc. tend to "zone out" as they walk down the street. They let the technology distract them. I can't count the number of times I've seen fellow pedestrians just walk into the sidewalk without looking at the "don't walk" sign because they were listening to an iPod or talking on a cell phone.
back to CL's comments about #9 and #10 insinuating violence against women: you nutball. the writer was simply using gender-neutral rules and switching pronouns - some sentences used "he" while others used "she". get a grip! you make the rest of us sane feminists look bad.
If you read the post again you'll see that's actually not true. "You" or "the pedestrian" is used in the early points. In the later points, the pronoun is "he" when it's the person doing the iPod stealing and "she" when it's the person being harrassed or assaulted. Except in the first point about stiletto heels, which I feel is obnoxious as well.
Feel free to call me insane or tell me to get a grip. I think this kind of language is most insidious when used in supposedly "harmless" ways. I'll feel free to keep pointing it out.
Can I feel free to call you insane and tell you to get a grip while saying that I don't think someone named "Clare Kelley" is writing a piece advocating violence against women?
Embrace your pedestrian rage! I find it helpful to make eye contact with abusers of my right to lawfully cross streets.
Next issue to address: Cabbies who drive down the street honking their horns to troll for fares.
What do you call something that crosses the road whenever and wherever they f'ing feel like it and go slow as shit when crossing? A duck.
They even get pissed at you when you call them ducks even though they're a human being and should have the mental capacity to understand that a car has the right of away when the light is green (or when they cross where there's no crosswalk with oncoming traffic).
That is my name for people that do this. These people are primarily in the SE and NE sections of the city, specifically, New York Ave is a famous duck crossing.
THE most important rule as a pedestrian:
Cars are bigger than you. It will hurt if you assume that just because you have the right of way, you can walk in front of a moving car.
Don't be a retard.