With the first half of the 2006 season in the books, it’s time to reach deep into the bag of sportswriting gimmickry and pull out some mid-season hardware for our own amusement. With the team on pace to lose 95 games, many sad moments have defined the season thus far, but there are a few bright spots in there. So without further ado, DCist proudly presents the Superfluous All-Star Break Awards of 2006:

The FEMA Award:
Created for former FEMA director Mike Brown, this award honors GM Jim Bowden for taking a troubled organization with conflicting priorities and boldly leading them to a last place finish. Like the most experienced of government bureaucrats, Bowden realized early on that a good relationship with the Lerners and Stan Kasten outweighed any on-the-field performance, and was rewarded with the permanent GM job a few weeks ago. Heckuva job, Bowdie!

Best Impersonation of Al Pacino:
By now you know all about Ryan Zimmerman. The cool character stabbing would-be doubles at third base. The calm demeanor beyond his years that commands Corleone-esque respect. The flair for the dramatic climax. With many of the veterans seemingly on the trading block, it shouldn’t be long before Zimmerman takes over the Family Business.

Best Impersonation of Matt LeCroy’s Daddy:
In a memorable moment in late May, Frank Robinson was forced to remove LeCroy mid-inning for his defensive failings – an incredibly rare move, but necessary with the game on the line. After the game, Robinson was distraught at publicly showing up his emergency catcher, who was forced into service by injuries to Brian Schneider and Wiki Gonzalez. Matt clinched the award for his skipper in a later interview, noting that "If my daddy was managing this team, I'm sure he would have done the same thing."

Carrot Top Award:
For being stunningly ineffective, yet still appearing five nights a week in one disasterous performance after another. Congratulations, Mike Stanton.

Best DIY Player Bio:
This one really isn’t even close. Nothing we could write ourselves could top the Wikipedia bio of Playa Hatin' shortstop Royce Clayton.

Most Guzmanian:
With the actual Guzman shelved for the year, Jose Guillen’s injury-plagued season is setting the bar for mediocrity this year. His .211 average is good for 245th (out of 249) of players with at least 200 plate appearances. And three of the four guys below him get on base more often. Thank God for Clint Barmes!

In truth, Guillen is talented and is as hard a worker as the team has. It’s clear the injuries have really impacted his effectiveness. Like Guzman last year, this may say more about Robinson’s suicidal loyalty to his veterans than it does about Guillen.

The Yeast Award:
This year’s bullpen is a dense brick of dough that won’t rise to the occasion. They are overworked, and either too young (Bray), too old (Stanton), or too ineffective (Eischen) to have consistently kept the Nats close late in games. The major difference between this year and last? The injured Luis Ayala, who was an inning-eating, setup machine during the Nats dreamy first half in ’05.

Star in the Wrong League Award:
In the AL, big, lumbering guys like Daryle Ward can really shine. The DH rule allows them to take it easy on the bench instead of fielding, and just get their Big Papi on about four or five times a game. Ward has the power and the talent to be a legitimate threat at the plate. Unfortunately, to get him at bats in the NL, Robinson is forced to either wait to pinch hit, or occasionally put him in right field and pray nothing gets hit out there.

Best Nationals Cheer:
We solicited readers for something - anything - to cheer at RFK that was clever and original. While we appreciate our Philly fan-bashing responses, we were looking for something a little more constructive. So we turn to the denizens of Section 320 for the modified Norway soccer chant: “Hooray, hooray, hooray,... Jose, Jose,” which seems to finally be making its way around the stadium. Notwithstanding his miserable season, Guillen gets some of the best support RFK fans can offer.

We support this sort of creative, heartfelt fan enthusiasm, which is why we really get excited about this suggestion for the greatest of cheering prompts, courtesy of Ball-Wonk: a Rally Panda. He knows our weakness for all things Butterstick.

What else is memorable from this last half-season of MLB ownership? What else has the team, the stadium, or the fans given us these bittersweet four months? Put them in the comments, readers, and we’ll preserve them for posterity.

Photo by Flickr user easement.