Geezers need excitement. And for two of them, Redskins quarterback Mark Brunell and former Redskin/now-Viking QB Brad Johnson, ESPN's Monday Night Football premiere will be providing it as these two NFC foes duke it out at FedEx Field tonight at 7:30 p.m.

For Washington, who miffed and mussed and stunk their way through the preseason, all eyes will be on the offense. Widely deemed a depthless liability toward the end of last year, a heavy investment was made in the offensive side during the offseason. Al Saunders was given a wheelbarrow full of Faberge eggs to come and run the attack, Antwaan Randle-El was acquired from the Super Bowl Champion Steelers to give Brunell something other than Santana Moss and a collection of animatronic hatracks to throw at, and the all-important offensive line was largely retained and rehabbed in the hopes of healthy stability. So far, the starting unit hasn’t blessed the faithful with much of anything. The next time Mark Brunell leads a scoring drive will be the first time since last season.

The Vikings are coming out of a radical revamping as well. Minnesota is looking for a clean start after the coaching missteps of Mike Tice and the now infamous Sex Boat scandal—which ended up sending Daunte Culpepper to the Dolphins (bringing an end to the highly anticipated Sage Rosenfels era in Miami) and leaving former Redskin Fred Smoot to deal with whatever nautically themed heckling is going to come his way tonight.

The good news for Washington fans is that Clinton Portis, that finely calibrated instrument of smashmouth running and improv comedy, has declared himself “93.9 percent” ready to play after suffering an injury in the first preseason game and will get the ball tonight. With Portis on the field and the Sex Boat Scandal looming as a storyline, that means all it will take for tonight’s game to achieve a Deadspin Hall Of Fame Trifecta is for two of the Redskins cheerleaders to be caught making out in a bathroom stall. Keep your fingers crossed, people.