September 13, 2006
If You See This Man, Hang on to Your Shorts
NBC4 has the story that five area women have reported being assaulted near the Vienna Metro.
We would have liked to have recommended that anyone who spots this man immediately rush forward and kick him in the balls, but our lawyers tell us that's probably not a good thing to do. Instead, we guess we'll just ask all of our readers who use the Vienna Metro stop to be extra vigilant, and see if we can't track this infantile creep down and get him the help he needs.Police said the culprit approaches his victims from behind and attempts to pull down their shorts. In each of the cases the women have screamed and the man has run away. No one has been physically hurt.
...The attacker is described as a dark-skinned Middle Eastern or Hispanic man believed to be in his 20s, standing about 5 feet 4 inches to 5 feet 7 inches tall and weighing between 130 and 160 pounds. He was wearing a red shirt, blue jeans and a blue jacket Monday night.
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OMG, I knew that "pantsing" scene from 16 Candles would corrupt our youth!
this is NOT funny. headlines like this one with an ounce of humor attempted spur stupid comments like the one above -- this is a serious issue and a serious crime both of whic are not a laughing matter.
I'm laughing now.
JV is the life of the party.
Ha ha ha! JV, how dare you call my comment stupid? I name dropped a relevant John Hughes film for crissakes! Oh, and YES it IS very funny that there's a "criminal" out there on the lose pantsing people. Bwa haha ha ha. I think I'd even laugh if I saw it happen in person. Maybe even if I was a victim of this serious criminal...
Really? If you saw woman having her pants pulled down in public by a man she didn't know, and (as the article notes) screaming, you'd laugh?? That's... um, disgusting.
If I saw a pantsing in progress, I would assume the assailant was known to the victim. So would you. Same if you saw a rogue wet-willier plying his despicable trade. Upon learning that the pantser was a stranger (local bands, there's your album title right there) I'd probably laugh harder at the absurdity of the situation. I'd offer assistance to the red-faced victim, of course, and make a reasonable attempt to catch the perp (flying by the seat of my pants, if necessary), but make no mistake: if I saw someone failing to appreciate the humor of the situation (other than the victim, for the first hour or two, perhaps) I would be far more wary of said humorless creep than of the pantsing creep. The pantser is probably just an idiot, but people who fail to appreciate the humor of the situation are immediately under suspicion as sociopaths.
Gabriel, you've made some very important points here and I appreciate your input as we try to come to grips with this most horrible of crime sprees. Aside from the album title you suggest, it should also be pointed out that 'rogue wet-willier' would be an equally engaging band name.
In related news, I humbly admit that my first post was somewhat erroneous. The pantsing scene I alluded to (where Anthony Michael Hall and the other guy get pantsed in the gym, while the mean jock yells "Check us out" from behind them, causing the female gym class to look at them and laugh) actually occurred in Weird Science. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused.