Sometimes the lede to another publication's story is so subtly great that we just can't bear to mess with it. Take it away, NBC4:

Lawmakers on Capitol Hill want to know what is causing some male fish to acquire female sexual characteristics in the Potomac River and its tributaries.

We'll bet they do! This past week has seen more than its fair share of sexual degeneracy on Capitol Hill. The midterms are nearly here, and that means it's time to return to the pleasantly unambiguous days when men were men, women were women, pages were pages and the only references to ancient Greece came by way of the local architecture. It's a big job, but you have to start somewhere, and it looks like our legislators are doing so by ensuring that the area's fish are still playing their Biblically-appointed roles — by God, this Congress will brook no more gender confusion among our city's bass!

Actually, the hearing — which is going on right now — is being held by the House Committee on Government Reform, and is investigating the distinctly unfunny question of endocrine disruptors in the area's water. We first talked about the increase in hermaphroditic fish in the region's waterways at the beginning of September.

We're sure that Chairman Davis will get this all sorted out. In the meantime, you might want to stick to fishing the Potomac for sport rather than sustenance, and avoid the "lake trout" at your local bulletproof Chinese eatery. Of course, we wouldn't recommend partaking in either of those activities even under normal circumstances.

Image by JinxViolet, used under a Creative Commons license