"Goody Goody Gum Gums"
Following a post not too long ago about pairing leftover Halloween candy with wine, a commenter posed an important question: Where can you find Maynards Wine Gums? These curious flavored gelatins are a mainstay in the canon of British candy. They rank high alongside Cadbury Crunchie (Butterfinger’s much more elegant British cousin), Cadbury Flake (a chocolate stick comprised of thin and delicate concentric layers of chocolate), and Nestle’s porous Aero bars (available in mint, caramel, etc.) seen in area purveyors of goodies hailing from Old Blighty. In order to serve the inquisitive reader and to sate our semiannual craving for Anglo sweets, we hit the road.
Our search began at Classic Cigars and British Goodies on Wilson Boulevard, which houses one of the more impressive arrays of British wares in the D.C. area. The first thing to catch our eyes were the fridges full of Irish bacon, breakfast pudding, and bangers, as well as cold drinks such as Irn Bru (an appallingly sweet Scottish soda), Lilt (a refreshing lemon/lime soda), and Ribena (a black currant-flavored soda).
The dry goods aisle delighted us with the sight of the requisite Marmite and its disturbing cousin, a beefy yeast paste called Bovril, which can be made into soup stock or a delicious spread for toast! Other condiments included an alarming range of pickled spreads by Branston and Heinz, as well as Heinz’s unimaginatively titled "Salad Cream."
Of course, this store doubles as a smoke shop, so it’s worth noting that smokers looking for a coffeehouse prop that’s a bit more pretentious than American Spirits will be pleased with the selection of brands ranging from 555s to Rothmans. And for the cigar enthusiast, a walk-in humidor will provide a few moments of contemplative solace.
We walked off with a number of additions for our candy hoard, the best among them being Cadbury’s Curly Wurly, a flattened chocolate-covered chewy caramel fashioned in pretzel formation; a stick of the aforementioned Crunchie; and Maynards Wine Gums. Although the candy bars are sold at a not unreasonable markup, the bag of Maynards Wine Gums was just under $5. Perhaps the cult of Maynards is sufficient to garner such a premium, but we thought that price was a bit ridiculous.
Maynards Wine Gums, regardless of color or assumed flavor, come in a number of shapes (kidney, crown, diamond, circle, etc.) and are labeled in gelatin relief “Burgundy,” “Claret,” “Port,” etc. Though the flavors essentially follow the standard format of green being lime-flavored and yellow being lemon-flavored, a couple of the flavors were unusually distinctive. Red tasted like a spicy red fruit with a distinct taste of alcohol, an effect that is achieved despite the fact that Wine Gums are made with neither wine nor alcohol. And the nearly pitch-black purple tasted like grape-flavored potting soil. Still, they’re so bizarre that we now love them.
With our first bounty in hand, we carried on to see what else we could procure at The British Collection, which is attached to the Tea Cosy, a small quiet eat-in refuge for those seeking a cup of English breakfast, a scone and perhaps some Irish sausage or maybe even a Welsh Rarebit. And while we’ve enjoyed a scone with some clotted cream here on occasion, it’s a bit too pricey for what you get, we think. So we go precisely for the imports sold in the small room tucked away in the back of the restaurant.
The British Collection is not nearly as expansive as British Goodies, though it does manage to hit most of the same high points. The British Collection did, however, boast a few curiosities that we’ve not seen elsewhere, such as Norfolk Manor’s Pickled Walnuts in Malt Vinegar, which, according to the proprietor, are meant to be eaten straight with meat or vegetables.
We also spotted Buchanan’s Clotted Cream Fudge, which we identified as being similar to Scotch Tablet, a bizarre, mucousy stick of milky fudge. We had to forgo this as part of our candy binge because we once tried Scotch Tablet a couple of years ago and are still reeling from the experience. In addition to its foul taste, the concentrated sugar literally made our teeth hurt. Immediately beset by visions of Hedley & Wyche, we spit our first bite of Scotch Tablet into the nearest corner rubbish bin.
We did make one noteworthy score at The British Collection: The Big Purple One, a hefty chocolate bonbon shaped like a hazelnut and filled with caramel and whole hazelnuts.
While these two stores are expressly devoted to British wares, there are a number of stores in the area that dabble in these products, such as Rodman’s Discount Gourmet with locations in D.C. and Maryland. The indispensable eatWashington offers a number of reader submitted sightings at other places, as well. Feel free to let us know where you get your favorite goodies in the comments.
Classic Cigars and British Goodies
3020 Wilson Blvd.
Arlington, Va.
(703) 525-6510
Tea Cosy & The British Collection
119 South Royal Street
Alexandria, Va.
(703) 836-8181