March 29, 2007
Blogging Street Harassment
Recently we noticed a new D.C. blog, called Don't Be Silent, pop up that's dedicated to documenting street harassment in the District. In an e-mail exchange with its author, Golden Silence, we learned that she started the site as a way of speaking out against what she sees as rampant street harassment in our city, and out of frustration with the demise of the now-defunct HollaBackDC, which also used to serve as a place where people could document and post photographs of their harassers. Here's what she had to say:
DC seems to be the worst place for street harassment, and we needed a place to let the world know that we get targeted by these men too much! After coming home from a rough time dealing with street harassment this past Saturday (ending with a guy calling me "gay" because I told him I didn't need a ride from him), I got on my laptop and started "Don't Be Silent." It's mainly because I know I'm not the only one dealing with this and want the women in DC to know they're not alone, either.
There are only a few entries up on the site so far, just having started last weekend. The most recent is a letter from a woman who encountered a masturbator on the Red line and, unsure of how to handle the situation, was shaken up pretty badly. It's disturbing to read, and while it's great that the Internet is providing a place for individuals to "speak out" and vent about these kinds of situations, we'd be more interested to see a dialogue begin about street harassment in D.C. So we're starting one here.
What do you think about the level of street harassment you encounter in D.C. compared to other cities? And what, if anything, would you propose be done about?
Photo by philliefan_99
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Not to downplay female street harrassment, but men get harrassed too. Most notably, I've had people masturbate next to me on a couple of occasions, in random places, and I'm just your normal, run of the mill, straight guy.
All I'm saying is that the site reads fairly one-sided (especially how the end of every post is punctuated by an incredibly strong, universal, anti-male emphasis).
I'd venture that street harassment in DC is significantly less than in other cities, and all just part of living in an urban environment. Yes, it's creepy to be flashed, but being "shaken up about it"? That's just being overly sensitive.
sounds like a good project.
but photographing your harrasers sounds risky to me..
As a straight male, I haven't experienced harassment in any significant degree beyond the usual panhandlers and bums (who do seem to be noticeably thicker in DC than other cities I've lived in). My ex-gf, however, complained that harassment in DC (mostly from these same people) was terrible, and she was often afraid to walk outside her apartment around Gallery Place at night.
I don't expect guys to "get it." The only way they'd be able to do so is by swapping minds with a female and living in a woman's body for one day.
And please tell me I'm being "sensitive" when some crusty fool gets in my face and threatens to slap the shit out of me because I told him I didn't want to hear what he had to say.
I wish you'd re-evaluate your mindsets because street harassment is a problem in this city.
Meg, I don't know what other cities you've lived in, but speaking for myself - a guy from Chicago who's lived in NYC, London, Madrid, and elsewhere - the day-to-day harassment I get in DC is far higher than just about anywhere else. Between people asking me for money or just random crackheads screaming about gays, Jews, white people, whatever, it's hard for me to walk two blocks in DC without having someone bug me.
And don't even get me started on the ghetto teenagers who think it makes them cool to smack into a white guy in the middle of a crowded Metro station, and stuff like that.
It's all part of DC culture's particular pathology. Hopefully, gentrification and the arrival of people (of any and all races) with education and class will do much to obliterate it. It can't happen fast enough.
How broad do you want to define harrassment? Is it just the usual, "Hey, baby. You looking so fine, I'd eat the corn outta your dookie!" or do you want to include the schizo screaming obscenities at you? Or how about that old standby, the teenagers who throw pennies at your head?
And I don't think this is really a "dialog" unless we get some of the aformentioned sexist/schizo/jerkwads to participate.
Comparatively, DC is pretty tame. Europe and the Middle East, a lot of other places, are far worse. It is nice though to have a place to post your experiences and report dangerous offenders.
I dont know, maybe its just me but i always got more of that creepy unwanted attention in Philly-maybe they just like booty there a little more. Although I have been having a weird time lately with bike messengers...
Wait... You mean in other cities panhandlers DON'T yell at you when you don't give them change?
I've never experienced any other kind of harassment, so I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.
Golden Silence: I am a woman so does that make it okay for me to speak out about this?
I agree with "Meg" I think people are over-reacting about this. People in D.C. are so "me" focused and able to ignore just about everything around them, why can't you ignore this.
Wait... You mean in other cities, panhandlers DON'T yell at you when you don't give them change?
That's about the only harassment I've experienced here (and I'm a little blonde girl), though, so I guess I'm lucky.
I've noticed a lot more street harassment in this city than pretty much any other place I've lived. However, I've always noticed that it seems to be suburbanites from MD and VA that are doing the harassing, but that might be b/c I live in Georgetown and hang out mostly in Adams Morgan and U St. on the weekends where those types tend to congregate. DCites themselves seem to carry themselves a little better, hopefully respecting themselves and their cities. I used to ride the Orange line from New Carrollton to Falls Church when I lived in MD, and I always saw kids slapping books out of hands, etc., on the MD side, but once we hit DC, that stuff stopped. Cars full of guys yelling at women out windows always seem to have Va/Md plates. I'd be curious to see if this theory is true.
I think suburbanites tend to see the city as a kind of free-for-all (in terms of street harassment, littering, god-awful driving, etc.) b/c they get to leave. The rest of us have to stay here and put up with their nonsense.
There was a community forum last year about this, and one of the guys who attended was a harasser. He said he didn't get what the big deal was and left early! I don't expect them to get that what they do is wrong.
What European cities are you talking about that are worse than DC? Honestly, being whistled at by a couple 60 year old Italian guys smoking at a cafe probably isn't as intimdating as being screamed at or berated by someone who's mentally ill, on drugs, or both, where the potential for real violence seems much greater.
Let me guess, ick - you write for CityPaper, hmm?
I have to agree with Golden Silence (which is why, the minute I realized her site existed, I sent her some of my own stories). First of all, it doesn't matter if DC is "worse" or "better"--what matters is that there are men out there who feel they have the right (which implies they feel that their actions are condoned by our society) to speak to me as if I am nothing but a vagina. It happens to me everyone--from my work cafeteria on the NIH campus, to my street. Sometimes it's just funny pick up lines, but sometimes there's something more behind it--what I call the leer--that look that says, if I could get you behind that alley/door/car I would rape you. Second, I'm sure it sounds like I'm exaggerating and I really don't want to do the whole, "you wouldn't understand because you're not a woman", but if you have never been in a moment where you have felt threatened, I'm glad for you. Just shut up about those that have. You obviously have been lucky enough to not have your safety questioned. I (and other women/men in DC) have. And I'm glad to have a site/conversation/new contact in this world that understands what I feel like. Third, I just want to point out that some of these street harassers are so brazen and threatening that they don't even care that my husband is there, staring them right back down. All that matters to them is that the male culture they live gives them the right to do that.
Not cool.
I think this blog is a really good idea. A number of the women that I know have had some pretty disturbing encounters...much more than "hey baby".
But...I do agree with the people who think that DC is not necessarily any worse than any other big city. It's something that comes with the territory of being in a place where you're constantly in contact with other people. It's simple math: if you're out in public more often and less in your car, that increases the chances of you having these sorts of experiences. That in no way excuses it or means that we shouldn't work to change it, but the ratio does make a difference.
Simply put, there's a lot to be done, but it shouldn't be taken out on DC as some horrible city that's notably worse than any other pedestrian-heavy city.
Likewise, while I certainly empathize with the bitterness that Golden Silence and others are feeling, saying thing like "I don't expect guys to get it" isn't very helpful. Everyone can do something about this...there's no need to make the men who would otherwise feel strongly about wanting to make a change feel alienated and hated along with the perverts.
"Adams Morgan," go to my comment (which is #5). Hard to ignore when some thuggish idiot gets in your face and threatens physical violence.
FYI, I've been removing a few comments that contained unnecessary personal insults. Let's keep it civil, guys.
"I don't expect guys to 'get it.' The only way they'd be able to do so is by swapping minds with a female and living in a woman's body for one day."
I'm a man, and I don't think it's necessary for me to swap minds with a female and live in her body to "get" that harrassment of ANYONE - male or female - is pure bullshit that should not be tolerated.
But thanks for your man-hating vitriol. It really progresses the discussion.
"I agree with "Meg" I think people are over-reacting about this. People in D.C. are so "me" focused and able to ignore just about everything around them, why can't you ignore this."
Okay, seriously people, this isn't just about "street harassment" and dudes yelling out of cars. 1 in 3 women will be sexually assaulted in their life. Did it ever occur to you that the men who sexually harass women (sometimes even turning it physical) are symptom of a larger problem in our society?
My comments aren't "me" centered--they are for the more than I care to mention friends that have been assaulted and the thousands more out there. If we don't try to stop the blatant sexual violence in our society (towards men and women) somewhere, then when will it stop?
"And please tell me I'm being "sensitive" when some crusty fool gets in my face and threatens to slap the shit out of me because I told him I didn't want to hear what he had to say."
Hell that type of stuff happens to me and I am sure to lots of people in this place all the time. If that is the case of harrassment you are tired of-- more power to you, but it seems like the harrassment you are talking about is of a diffeent ilk.
Ladeez- Forgive me I have to perv out a bit but I LOVE the arrival of Spring. I am a hopeless breast watcher. Just love 'em but consider myself somewhat considerate. I NEVER blurt out comments. It's first of all so useless. Could you imagine anything more UN-attractive than the solicitation of stranger on the street. It's like buying food in the subway. Sure some guys are SOO hot that you could imagine women hoping that they will make the first move like that but in a woman's world if look at men on the street how many would you classify as OBJECTIVELY desirable to a woman?
To those, like Norville and Meg, who insist DC is no worse than any other city: Please let us know where else you've all lived. Because it certainly sounds like you've never lived in any other city.
The only cities I've been in where I instantly noticed this type of street harassment are DC, San Francisco, and Chicago. It doesn't happen in NY. It doesn't happen in London. It doesn't happen in Madrid (pickpocketing, yes - street confrontations, no). Not in Toronto, Montreal, or Ottawa.
DC is in a league of its own. Did you guys grow up in the suburbs, go to school in the country, and then just move to DC as your first "real city?" Because it sure sounds like you did.
Sommer, you're my new hero. I moved here from Indianapolis & have lived in Chicago before. I've traveled to virtually every major city in the US and Europe, and nowhere else is the street harrassment as blatant, threating, and persistant as DC. It certainly ceases to be "flattering" and becomes scary when it stops being a passing comment & somehow morphs into an open invitation for a ride, a date, any reaction. I fight the urge to kick mens' cars on a daily basis because of how relentless they are. My brother suggested I carry mace & start spreading a rumor that guys keep getting maced by that crazy girl for pulling over and talking to her. Anyone up for a little rumor mill action? (I'm not suggesting macing anyone, just making guys think a woman might...)
Jason - "It's all part of DC culture's particular pathology. Hopefully, gentrification and the arrival of people (of any and all races) with education and class will do much to obliterate it. It can't happen fast enough." At least someone made some sense. That facade of being "I'm so cool and this is what life in the city is all about" is just stupid.
Norville, you're right, and I apologize. It is sometimes hard to not be mad at every single man because I've had more negative encounters with men in DC than I have positive. I do not want to be a stereotypical man-hating woman! And I appreciate it when guys do see a problem and want to help. Thank you!
"Hopefully, gentrification and the arrival of people (of any and all races) with education and class will do much to obliterate it. It can't happen fast enough."
Jason - I'd suggest that in some neighborhoods, gentrification is what's behind the harrassment. When black families moved out of DC into the burbs back in the 1960s, they got harrassed. When white folks moved into Shaw and Northeast, they get harrassed. And in ten years when Chinese and Indian millionaires buy up huge swaths of Georgetown and Gallery Place, and the downtown gentrification crowd moves to the hip ethnically-diverse inner burbs, THEY'LL get harrassed.
Having lived in and out of DC since the 1970s, my feeling is that harrassment is getting worse. One of the reasons my folks left in 1975 was because they got tired of the verbal abuse. When we'd sneak into town in the '80s to go to clubs and bars, there was a "what are YOU people doing in this neighborhood" attitude. When we bought in on U Street, there wasn't much harrassment going on, but as the real-estate boom continued and more folks with money moved in, it gradually got worse.
Take two parts urban hipster and one part suburban commuter, add homeless maniac, a dash of unemployed alcoholic, and a squeeze of horndog teenager, shake, and you have a vibrant Harrassment Cocktail. That'll be $14.50, please. Oh, and welcome to DC. Don't forget to tip your waiter.
We want to live under the illusion that "civilization" is a done deal. It is not. The "socialization" that most of the "better" people enjoy is more tenuous than we want to accept. Outbreaks of aggression can happen in the best of homes and societies. As one goes down the social scale the niceties become harder to find and courtly manners less regular.
Yeah I have lived in a few cities (NYC,Boston and San Francisco) and D.C is by far the worst in many respects, but notably in the Perv. factor. I feel scared for my Girlfriend all the time when she goes to work, and often nervous when she has to ride the Metro alone at night.
-J
This is why we should all carry concealed handguns.
But seriously, there is a difference between being hit on by someone you find unattractive and actually being harassed.
Incidents like the masturbating metro rider are deadly serious. Some guy yelling "ooo suga you so fiiiiiiine" as you walk by is impolite and boorish, but far from criminal. I'm sure there's a wide spectrum in between.
Anyway, I hope the new site is helpful in stopping harassment. For those who have been harassed, is there a particular demographic of harasser?
Golden Silence wrote:
If I lived in a woman's body for a day I'd be so busy playing with my boobs I'd never get out of the house and into any danger.
There were some youths in my neighborhood who yelled something at me I think might have been meant as a racial epithet as I got in my car once, but I don't remember what it actually was and I'm not aware of how insulting it might have been meant to be. As long as there's not a physical threat (and I'm 6'2" so my size seems to dissuade casual threats) I just shrug it off. But it doesn't surprise me at all that women would be made uncomfortable. People are jerks, and that's just the ones who are sane.
It has gotten worse, for male and female. Sometimes its overt, and sometimes (as on Metro) it happens between people in loud conversation who direct comments that are not specific, but they know who their intended targets are.
In the past year, comments have been thrown at me on Metro 3 or 4 times, and I don't even ride Metro all that frequently. Last time it was "white german fascist gentrifier faggot", which was interesting, since I'm neither German, nor a gentrifier.
DC is the only city I've lived where a cab has followed me for blocks with the driver yelling inappropriate things out the window until he finally realized that "Fuck off" means, well, "Fuck off." On the other hand, DC is the only city where random guys on the street (some panhandlers, some not) consistently ask me to marry them. So it's kind of a mixed bag, I suppose.
That HollabackDC site has some silliness on it:
"Being called "beautiful" and "sexy" is a compliment when it comes from someone who means it and who you in return find such...not from some random man on the street with half of his teeth missing who's drunk and stoned as hell!"
"To the creepy guy in the elevator- saying "Going down?" to me and winking would probably only work if you, I don't know, were attractive."
So the difference between harassment and a compliment is merely whether *you* are attracted to the person saying it? That's silly.
This thread cries out for Fugazi lyrics.
Why can't i walk down a street free of suggestion?
Is my body the only trait in the eye's of men?
I've got some skin
You want to look in
There lays no reward in what you discover
You spent yourself watching me suffer
Suffer you words, suffer your eyes, suffer your hands
Suffer your interpretation of what it is to be a man
I've got some skin
You want to look in
She does nothing to deserve it
He only wants to observe it
We sit back like they taught us
We keep quiet like they taught us
He just wants to prove it
She does nothing to remove it
We don't want anyone to mind us
So we play the roles that they assigned us
She does nothing to conceal it
He touches her 'cause he wants to feel it
We blame her for being there
But we are all guilty
I think the posts on the blog are strong, but perhaps it should be renamed to "Street SEXUAL Harassment," since that's what it mainly focuses on. Because plenty of us can comment on the vitriol we experience from passerbys, panhandlers, and schizos--your site seems more focused.
Or maybe we could make bumper stickers that say, "I'm an abusive ass who harrasses women!" and slap them on culprits' cars. Hmmm...
Okay, now I'm just being vindictive, but seriously, how do you get the message across to the perpetrators of street harrassment that it's not welcome, it's not acceptable, and there is nothing that can be said to excuse it? Living in a city might mean you have to deal with panhandlers, but I'm not talking about panhandlers. Maybe it's an issue that should be brought up in school, like in sex ed. classes or those "Don't talk to strangers" videos they make you watch in fourth grade. This is without a doubt a learned behavior, so how do we pull it out at it's root?
To establish my urban bonafides, I have lived in Boston and Philadelphia (West Philly, no less) as well as DC, and I have spent significant amounts of time in New York, London, Dublin, and Chicago. I have also lived in Houston, but that doesn't really count since no-one ever gets out of their cars. The only place where I have never had anything said to me on the street is Chicago. The worst offenses occured in Philly (man boxing me in on the subway) and Rome (two young men turning around and following me after I made the mistake of making eye contact).
I don't think DC is bad at all - it's mostly just comments shouted as you pass which can range from mildly flattering (if you choose to take it that way) to downright offensive, but I have never felt as threatened as I did in Rome. And when it's obviously an attempt to intimidate (groups of men shouting and making lewd gestures from cars or groups of teenagers whose tack is usually to say 'don't be afraid of us' in such a way that you are obviously supposed to be scared) I get more pissed off than anything. And I don't think I'm unusually thick-skinned. There's a difference between genuinely scary actions and words thrown out in the 2 seconds it takes to pass someone.
As for the homeless - I haven't had a homeless person yell at me for not giving them money since I lived in Boston 6 years ago. Usually what I get is, "that's okay, thanks for the smile" or some variation. Maybe they're being sarcastic, but I don't have to take it that way.
The web-site mentioned may make the people posting to it feel better but I doubt it will do anything to change the behaviour of "harassers". I have found that here is much more racial based harassement in this city than anywhere else I have ever lived but otherwise it is no different.
It also helps to develop a really mean "if looks could kill" look and don't say a word. They start wondering if you are crazier or tougher than they are and just walk away...
The problem with those comments that are "flattering (if you choose to take it that way)" is that they come from complete strangers. When a complete stranger is yelling something at you from a car or approaching you on the street, you don't know his intentions, nor do you know his mental state. That flattering comment could quickly turn into something more. So suggesting that someone should feel flattered is not really reasonable.
But to sexual harrassment in DC, if you want to see a fine example of it, hang out at the Suntrust in Adams Morgan on a Sunday afternoon and watch the young men--groups of them--harrass all the pretty young women that walk by. Yes, that's a bit of a concentrated example, but it's a good illustration of what happens all over the city on any given day. Is it worse than in other cities? I think so, having lived in a number of cities.
After living in bigger cities like Chicago, New York and Seoul, I still think that in comparison DC is the worse. DC is the only place I've lived in where I get my ass grabbed by little asshole pieces of crap when I walk down the street. I'll take a, "ooh baby shake that junk" over an ass grab any day.
Bring on the ass-kicking...
Some people ARE overly sensitive about the cat-calls and attention they get on the street. A lot of it is in how you deal with the situation. Some people just let it go and don't pay it the attention it doesn't deserve. Some people like the attention and get a thrill out of it. And some people are very threatened by it. There's really nothing wrong with a little harmless cat-calling, if you don't like it ignore it.
With that said, there is a difference between the cat-callers who know they're not getting anywhere, and the lunatics who don't know the difference. I read the posts on Don't Be Silent and for the most part, I agree that behavior like that is unacceptable for anyone.
It is threatening, manacing and frightening to have someone masturbating AND following you, or to have someone stand so close to you, you can feel their erection, but what makes those instances scary is that you just don't know what that person is going to do next. Because anyone who would do that in the first place has some serious mental issues, and the next thing you know they're hauling you off to some dark corner. It may be a fantasy for some people, but fantasy has boundaries, crazy people do not.
There is also the argument that what you wear and possibly what you look like attracts that kind of behavior. As a woman, I'm going to say that's partly true. But like in early rape cases, just because your wearing a mini, or a low-cut top, or high heels, does not mean you ASKED for it. But I think, too often women neglect to realize that when they're walking past a construction zone in fairly revealing clothing, their going to get attention, wanted or not.
How lame! Harassment on the streets is just a part of the urban lifestyle, nothing to write home about, and the girl that was shaken up by "the masturbator" on the train is just pathetic for taking this crap instead of doing something about it (shyly changing seats doesn't count). After reading her stupid 10 page confession I kind of wanted to punch her in the face.
if i get one more dude doing that fucking kissy face/sound in my direction, i'm going to rip the lips off of his face. i'm seriously 2 or 3 cat calls away from freaking out on someone. i hate hate hate being hollered at.
TG:
People like you that accept the ills around you are the same sort of collaborators that allow all sorts of prejudice to continue. "Being segregated is just a part of being black", "being denied basic rights is just a part of being homosexual", "being raped is just part of being a woman". Please. You're nothing but a collaborator.
To TG - I'm person who you'd like to punch in the face. The redline masturbator story was mine. While you might find my reaction pathetic for "just taking this crap instead of doing something about it," no one anticipates having to encounter that, nor should they. While I wish that I had gotten off a stop earlier, I otherwise wouldn't have done anything differently. I wouldn't have put myself in danger by directly confronting him while trapped in a metro car with only a few other people present. It was not worth putting my personal safety at risk. I reported it the second I got off the train, providing details about his build, features, clothing and the train information. What is pathetic about that? Having someone pull out their genitals and actively masturbate while staring at you in a public space is not "just a part of the urban lifestyle," and no one - male or female - should have to accept such behavior.
I'd remind folks that "ignoring and maybe it will go away" doesn't always work. A woman walking down a sidewalk with her friend in Orange County, Fla. got hit by a car driven by a harasser infuriated that she ignored him.
And to those who shrug off masturbators, would you react the same way if it were your 16 year old daughter on the train?
I have this theory. Bums in DC are crazy, bums in Chicago are missing appendages, and Bums in NY are less visible due to the amount of people in the streets. If it is nearing a full moon, DC bums are yelling at no- one in particular, and everyone in the vicinity, they just go nuts, other times of the months they are nice, say hello and eat there three free meals a day. You just notice it more in DC because for all the people that are "listed" as living in DC this place is empty
The red line masturbator story sounds almost identical to what happened to my cousin on the Orange line. I wonder if it was the same guy. I don't knw which would be more disturbing: that some guy has a sick addiction for doing this, or that more than one guy had the same idea.
I don't think a lot of us here are talking about bums--I think we're talking about workers in our buildings, fellow Metro riders, and, worse, our neighbors. That's what scarier--it's not people on the fringes of society, it's people sharing our society.
So the difference between harassment and a compliment is merely whether *you* are attracted to the person saying it? That's silly.
I don't think it's silly at all.
First of all, the original poster on HollaBack DC was trying to draw a line between harassment and a compliment. There's an awful lot of harassment cases where there's no absolutely no trouble drawing that line, and to suggest that harassment is "merely" a matter of getting a compliment from an unattractive person suggests a real misunderstanding of the issue.
Secondly, is that sentiment really so far wrong? As was said elsewhere on the site, a compliment that makes the recipient feel bad isn't a compliment. If you know your compliment won't be welcome, don't offer it, even if it would have been welcomed if it came from Denzel Washington.
Just wondering if being leered at, harassed, & masturbated to is the worst thing strangers have ever done to any of you. The worst thing that ever happened to my in DC was getting pistol-whipped by a mugger (broke by orbital bone & I needed 18 staples in my head to close the wound). I sure with he would have just jerked off near me.
Robis, I'm not saying that a woman SHOULD be flattered by men shouting things at her on the street. But I also think some comments are worse than others (and whether or not it's a stranger saying them is immaterial). That is why I said there's a range: I *am* flattered when a man I pass on the street (notice I said pass - the entire interaction is over in 2-3 seconds) tells me I have a nice smile or compliments the color of my hair or tells me I have pretty eyes. I find nothing threatening in that. I am not flattered when a man says something lewd to me, and whether or not I feel threatened depends on the situation. When a group of men starts hooting and hollering, I get pissed off, but once again whether or not I feel threatened depends on the situation (am I on a dark street alone at night? am I on a busy street at noon and they're behind a construction fence?)
I do think there is a difference between words and actions. And I guess I don't assume that words lead to actions. The truly threatening situations I have been in have involved no words at all. They have involved men using their physical presence to intimidate me and have been in environments where I have felt trapped. These situations were much more analagous to the stories on Don't Be Silent, which are truly scary because actions are involved, usually of a sexual nature. You will notice that in the Metro and art gallery incidents, neither man had to say a word to leave his victim feeling violated (and might I add, petrified).
from Jason's post- "And don't even get me started on the ghetto teenagers who think it makes them cool to smack into a white guy in the middle of a crowded Metro station, and stuff like that.
It's all part of DC culture's particular pathology. Hopefully, gentrification and the arrival of people (of any and all races) with education and class will do much to obliterate it. It can't happen fast enough."
-i.e.- he's saying, "I don't hate all black people, just the poor ones."
I hate it when people come on here and use every story to condone their racist crap.
>to suggest that harassment is "merely" a matter of getting a compliment from an unattractive person suggests a real misunderstanding of the issue.
Right, and that misunderstanding belongs to the poster on HollaBackDC.
>that sentiment really so far wrong?
Yes, and horribly so. It's just snobby women saying "only hot men have a right to approach me, and if you're not hot enough it's sexual harassment" which is absurd.
By confusing compliments from ugly people with harassment, you just delegitimize the problem of *actual* harassment (like the metro masturbator or museum guy) by blurring the lines. And to be sure, by confusing harassment by someone you find attractive with a compliment, you make a similar mistake.
You do *not* have a right to walk down the street and not be offended. Freedom of speech prevents that. You do have a right to walk down the street and not be sexually assaulted.
To the girl that I'd like to punch in the face aka redline rider: you played a part of a defenseless victim so well that he actually chased you from one cart to another. Because he knew he could get away with it and because pervs like him get off on fear even though they are the biggest cowards themselves. I'm not saying that you should have grabbed him by the balls and told him to put his d**k away, although it would have been awesome, but one mean look in his direction would have most likely at least discouraged him, plus there were other people on the train that you could have talked to. Perverts are not going anywhere and you should probably become a little tougher and be prepared to deal with that.
P.S. On the other hand it's actually pretty funny that he was "actively masturbating"
I just remembered that Mimi Smartypants has a story much like the Red Line one. I think her response might have relied on a more crowded train, though.
"You do *not* have a right to walk down the street and not be offended. Freedom of speech prevents that. You do have a right to walk down the street and not be sexually assaulted."
There's more to this though than just what is legal/criminal. Obviously people breaking the law should be punished for it. But beyond that, there's nothing wrong at all with a website like Don't Be Silent pushing for *social* pressure to curb this uncivilized behavior. The site could publicly shame the rude cat-callers, maybe getting the word out that this kind of behavior will not be socially tolerated in DC and improving the district for the better.
Just because something is legal doesn't mean it should not be criticized or thwarted through social pressure. The types of behaviors at issue probably range from the rude to the criminal. I say use law enforcement where appropriate, and social pressure against those actions that are not criminal but do fall somewhere in the harassment spectrum.
I have lived and worked in the DC metro area for the past 4 years or so (age 23-27) and only encountered this a handful of times that were spread out. Before that I worked in Baltimore city for 2 years. Here's my take:
-first, it doesn't matter what type or level of harassment is going on, or how "sensitive" someone might be. If the person being harassed (male or female) is made to feel uncomfortable, ashamed, or afraid, then it is unacceptable behavior, period.
-unwanted street harassment is an urban reality. being threatened or sexually harassed in a prolonged or repeated way is NOT a reality, it is criminal behavior.
-I do believe there are some women who do not seem to get as much harassment as others - I'm one of them. I'm not really sure why. But it's interesting, because I don't get much "street" attention of any kind. The one memorable incident I had with a panhandler who approached and followed me for several blocks a couple years ago commented on a new coat I was wearing (which happened to be colorful and probably expensive-looking). My hunch is that it has less to do with attractiveness and more to do with the visible quality of your clothes (if they look expensive or new) and in some cases the coverage. Also, I tend to wear an uninviting expression on my face when I'm about town, so this might be another factor.
-the woman on the metro -- that is seriously scary. I think step one was the right thing to do (changing cars), but when he followed, it was time to enlist the help of other passengers to stand guard while you call 911 from your cell phone, or use the call box to dial the conductor. That guy was out of his mind, who knows what he could have done.
And you were absolutely right - that kind of incident is like being violated, just not as violent, but still awful and upsetting.
-Lastly, all the men who are mad at women for generalizing need to realize that women are often afraid or made to feel ashamed about voicing this stuff, and you being an asshole doesn't help. Have you ever felt victimized by an entire subset of the population on a daily basis and there's nothing you can do to change it? Try to be a litte more understanding and supportive, then maybe we can change things.
Jenn: "-Lastly, all the men who are mad at women for generalizing need to realize that women are often afraid or made to feel ashamed about voicing this stuff, and you being an asshole doesn't help. Have you ever felt victimized by an entire subset of the population on a daily basis and there's nothing you can do to change it? Try to be a litte more understanding and supportive, then maybe we can change things."
I am absolutely with you about everything you said until this last part. I do not think that trying to highlight the differences between men who can be allies in trying to prevent harassment and men who perpetrate harassment constitutes "being and asshole."
You imply that you've felt victimized by "an entire subset of the population on a daily basis." I assume by this you mean men. I do not think that it is reasonable to say that you have been victimized by all men on a daily basis. By doing so, you lump people who are eager to do their part to stop harassment in with people who are actually harassing.
Bottom line: Let's try and keep the generalizations about harassers rather than about men.
>-first, it doesn't matter what type or level of harassment is going on, or how "sensitive" someone might be. If the person being harassed (male or female) is made to feel uncomfortable, ashamed, or afraid, then it is unacceptable behavior, period.
Really? Feeling uncomfortable means you've been harassed? So if a guy says "do you know what time it is" to a hyper-sensitive man-hating woman, who then feels "uncomfortable," she's been harassed?
How about if a gay guys asks a homophobe the same question, making him feel uncomfortable, has he been harassed? Or a black guy asking a racist white woman, who then feels uncomfortable, has she been harassed?
There has to be *some* objective criteria to establish "harassment," not just the subjective feelings of the purported victim. Otherwise you get the above silliness. And again, no one has a right to not be offended.
Jenn: "-Lastly, all the men who are mad at women for generalizing need to realize that women are often afraid or made to feel ashamed about voicing this stuff, and you being an asshole doesn't help. Have you ever felt victimized by an entire subset of the population on a daily basis and there's nothing you can do to change it? Try to be a litte more understanding and supportive, then maybe we can change things."
I am absolutely with you about everything you said until this last part. I do not think that trying to highlight the differences between men who can be allies in trying to prevent harassment and men who perpetrate harassment constitutes "being and asshole."
You imply that you've felt victimized by "an entire subset of the population on a daily basis." I assume by this you mean men. I do not think that it is reasonable to say that you have been victimized by all men on a daily basis. By doing so, you lump people who are eager to do their part to stop harassment in with people who are actually harassing.
Bottom line: Let's try and keep the generalizations about harassers rather than about men.
I've never had to deal with a masturbator on the metro, but I'm afraid that I'd react in a way that would get me killed: "I'm sorry- were you showing me something? Nope- still can't see anything. DOES ANYONE HAVE A MAGNIFYING GLASS?" Yeah, I'd wind up dead but it might be worth it.
One form of harassment that I've gotten happened up in Bethesda, where some weirdo kept trying to touch me with his bare feet while muttering obscenities under his breath. Seriously- what the hell kind of half-assed perversion is that? It's not that I'd prefer a worse form of harassment, but that experience was so weird that it left me feeling more bemused than afraid.
Jenn: "-Lastly, all the men who are mad at women for generalizing need to realize that women are often afraid or made to feel ashamed about voicing this stuff, and you being an asshole doesn't help. Have you ever felt victimized by an entire subset of the population on a daily basis and there's nothing you can do to change it? Try to be a litte more understanding and supportive, then maybe we can change things."
I am absolutely with you about everything you said until this last part. I do not think that trying to highlight the differences between men who can be allies in trying to prevent harassment and men who perpetrate harassment constitutes "being and asshole."
You imply that you've felt victimized by "an entire subset of the population on a daily basis." I assume by this you mean men. I do not think that it is reasonable to say that you have been victimized by all men on a daily basis. By doing so, you lump people who are eager to do their part to stop harassment in with people who are actually harassing.
Bottom line: Let's try and keep the generalizations about harassers rather than about men.
I think we may be talking about 3 separate things here, which it may help to clarify. Of course, some people may disagree with me:
(a) Compliments. It does actually happen - it's the equivalent of me smiling at a good-looking man on the street. I don't expect him to stop in his tracks and ask for my number, I'm just letting him know with my smile and my eyes that he's brightened my day.
(b) Verbal Harrassment. This is about power - men saying things to women to prove they have the upper hand or to show off to their friends. Often the words aren't nearly as important as the tone.
(c) Physical Harrassment. Also about power, and does not need to involve actual touching.
Just an idea. I think conflating (a) and (c) confuses the issue. There are times when (b) and (c) come very close to each other.
What Redline Rider experienced was terrible and unacceptable. I don't think it is fair in any way for people to criticize her response. She acted in a way that she felt was necessary for her safety during a terrifying situation.
What is most concerning about the situation is that there were other people on the train that likely saw what happened and chose not to get involved. I challenge others to stand up to this type of behavior even when it isn't directed at them.
Last year I was on a train car with a handful of people when I saw a man cornering a woman. She moved away and he followed, continuing to make inappropriate comments and box her in. I walked over to the woman and asked if she needed any help and if she was ok. The result of this minor intervention was that the man moved away to the other side of the car and left her alone. Perhaps more incidents could be averted if others were willing to stand up, assist those in distress, and send perpetrators the message that harassment will not be tolerated.
Oh STFU Ben. I have had and continue to have black friends; I've been in their homes, and they in mine. I don't give a damn what race/culture/whatever anyone is, as long as they don't fuck with me when I'm minding my own business. The aggressive, dangerous, and often violent behavior we're talking about here comes, in DC, almost exclusively from one demographic. When's the last time you were harassed on the street by a gaggle of Chinese women? Or, for that matter, a Somali?
Call me as racist as you want - I really don't care what you think. Your reflexive-PC bullshit is just helping to exacerbate the problem.
Oh STFU Ben. I have had and continue to have black friends; I've been in their homes, and they in mine. I don't give a damn what race/culture/whatever anyone is, as long as they don't fuck with me when I'm minding my own business. The aggressive, dangerous, and often violent behavior we're talking about here comes, in DC, almost exclusively from one demographic. When's the last time you were harassed on the street by a gaggle of Chinese women? Or, for that matter, a Somali?
Call me as racist as you want - I really don't care what you think. Your reflexive-PC bullshit is just helping to exacerbate the problem.
I've lived in Madrid, NYC, Prague, Montreal and DC and for me, DC is in the middle of the 'harassment' scale, with NYC and Madrid ranking higher than DC ever will. In Madrid, I was groped, catcalled... etc etc every single day, and "Que te jodan, no me toques cabron" (fuck you, don't touch me asshole) rolled off my tongue like nothing. I think there are more batshit crazy people in NYC, but at least there telling anyone to fuck off is more socially acceptable than here.
I get harassed in my neighborhood for not having lived there for the last 30 years. I get yelled at for not being black. I get verbally assaulted on my own block for walking my dogs. I mind my own business and don't bother people.
I like DC. I moved away twice and came back. I think this city is growing nicely. While it has a lot of challenges, DC is a good town and almost all my close friends are here. But I've never been harasses like I have been on DC streets (not in LA, Manhattan, Brooklyn, Chicago)
"One form of harassment that I've gotten happened up in Bethesda, where some weirdo kept trying to touch me with his bare feet while muttering obscenities under his breath. Seriously- what the hell kind of half-assed perversion is that?"
Welcome to the painfully stinky world of frotteurism. Population: you.
I recommend a solution from the Bettie Page school of women who recieve unwanted advances: carry a brick in your purse. When the time comes, you'll know what to do.
Brian, you're missing the point. It's not that women are victimized by the entire population of men, it's that the victimizing occurs so regularly and by so many different types of men that some of us don't feel like we can go anywhere without having to worry about it.
And no, I'm not talking about some innocuous comment about the weather or the time, Silliness, and you know it. Whatever has made you angry here - whether the subjective legal dimension of this or your own personal insecurity with the prospect of a society in which women are no longer made to feel inferior to men in their daily lives - taking it out on my post in this way seems to confirm the absurdity our society is coming to when the attempt to address a disturbing social problem becomes a gendered power struggle that accomplishes nothing in the way of change.
Are women more "attractive" than men? I know that sounds wierd like an orientation question. But if you are on the "street" looking from a woman's point of view how many men would YOU whistle at?
Jenn, I'm neither angry nor in anyway advocating the subjugation of women.
My point was that hurt feelings are not a sufficient condition for harassment; to say so leads to absurdities like the ones I posited. It doesn't even have to be as obviously innocuous as asking the time. Make it something like "that's a nice outfit." A hypersensitive person, whether homophobic, racist, man-hating, etc, could honestly subjectively feel uncomfortable by behavior that is in no way objectively harassment. Logically, there has to be some other metric than hurt feelings for harassment to be a coherent issue.
Nor should whether you find the person attractive make a difference as to whether something is harassment. If Brad Pitt says to a passing woman "Hey baby I am going to take you into the alleyway and do [whatever]" it should be considered no less harassment than if a homeless guy with 2 teeth says it.
Additionally, the victimhood rhetoric is silly. Women are not the victims of widespread oppression in our society - this isn't Darfur or the Middle East.
Jenn, I'm neither angry nor in anyway advocating the subjugation of women.
My point was that hurt feelings are not a sufficient condition for harassment; to say so leads to absurdities like the ones I posited. It doesn't even have to be as obviously innocuous as asking the time. Make it something like "that's a nice outfit." A hypersensitive person, whether homophobic, racist, man-hating, etc, could honestly subjectively feel uncomfortable by behavior that is in no way objectively harassment. Logically, there has to be some other metric than hurt feelings for harassment to be a coherent issue.
Nor should whether you find the person attractive make a difference as to whether something is harassment. If Brad Pitt says to a passing woman "Hey baby I am going to take you into the alleyway and do [whatever]" it should be considered no less harassment than if a homeless guy with 2 teeth says it.
Additionally, the victimhood rhetoric is more than slightly overblown. Women are not the victims of widespread oppression in our society - this isn't Darfur or the Middle East.
Silliness:
Okay, seriously, you're a man, right? If so, then shut up about what it's like to be a woman in our society. I agree that hurt feelings aren't enough, but again, I don't think that the women talking about this are really talking about "hurt" feelings. They are talking about feelings of safety.
Finally, for once and for all, this "relative" crap is stupid. Just because it is better in the United States than it is in Darfur (which is a true statement) does not mean that what happens in either place is okay! We will never be a truly equal or free society until we stop basing our freedoms and successes on the relative atrocities of others.
It might not be like Darfur here in DC, but that doesn't mean that I've never been assaulted, denied rights or been the "victim of widespread oppression" because I have.
"Well he just raped me instead of putting me in a concentration camp, so I should thank my lucky stars!"
Silliness:
Okay, seriously, you're a man, right? If so, then shut up about what it's like to be a woman in our society. I agree that hurt feelings aren't enough, but again, I don't think that the women talking about this are really talking about "hurt" feelings. They are talking about feelings of safety.
Finally, for once and for all, this "relative" crap is stupid. Just because it is better in the United States than it is in Darfur (which is a true statement) does not mean that what happens in either place is okay! We will never be a truly equal or free society until we stop basing our freedoms and successes on the relative atrocities of others.
It might not be like Darfur here in DC, but that doesn't mean that I've never been assaulted, denied rights or been the "victim of widespread oppression" because I have.
"Well he just raped me instead of putting me in a concentration camp, so I should thank my lucky stars!"
Silliness:
Okay, seriously, you're a man, right? If so, then shut up about what it's like to be a woman in our society. I agree that hurt feelings aren't enough, but again, I don't think that the women talking about this are really talking about "hurt" feelings. They are talking about feelings of safety.
Finally, for once and for all, this "relative" crap is stupid. Just because it is better in the United States than it is in Darfur (which is a true statement) does not mean that what happens in either place is okay! We will never be a truly equal or free society until we stop basing our freedoms and successes on the relative atrocities of others.
It might not be like Darfur here in DC, but that doesn't mean that I've never been assaulted, denied rights or been the "victim of widespread oppression" because I have.
"Well he just raped me instead of putting me in a concentration camp, so I should thank my lucky stars!"
Silliness:
Okay, seriously, you're a man, right? If so, then shut up about what it's like to be a woman in our society. I agree that hurt feelings aren't enough, but again, I don't think that the women talking about this are really talking about "hurt" feelings. They are talking about feelings of safety.
Finally, for once and for all, this "relative" crap is stupid. Just because it is better in the United States than it is in Darfur (which is a true statement) does not mean that what happens in either place is okay! We will never be a truly equal or free society until we stop basing our freedoms and successes on the relative atrocities of others.
It might not be like Darfur here in DC, but that doesn't mean that I've never been assaulted, denied rights or been the "victim of widespread oppression" because I have.
"Well he just raped me instead of putting me in a concentration camp, so I should thank my lucky stars!"
Silliness, first of all, please look up the word "harassment" in the dictionary. It's pretty widely accepted that the concept does not include your posited situations which represent extremes, not the norm, so I'm not sure why you're using them except to be antagonistic.
Secondly, please look up "human rights" in the encyclopedia. Also you might want to reference "women's rights" and "civil rights," all of which entail protecting the rights not only of minority and historically marginalized groups of people, but also of the rights of human beings living in society. These should illuminate your argument, and you will see that I am not referring merely to "hurt feelings."
Finally, this has been said before, but kudos to Kittens for reiterating it here (it can't be repeated enough to get the message across):
"We will never be a truly equal or free society until we stop basing our freedoms and successes on the relative atrocities of others."
>that doesn't mean that I've never been assaulted, denied rights or been the "victim of widespread oppression" because I have.
Individual acts of violence against women are horrible atrocities and we should do everything we can to eradicate them and punish the offenders. (For one, DC should drop its idiotic requirement that pepper spray be registered.)
However, these individual acts do not equal *widespread oppression.* Our society as a whole is blatantly anti-sexist. Some subsections of it (ghetto culture, for example) are misogynistic, and should be addressed and changed. But these do not equal widespread oppression. Again, by conflating individual acts of violence and subcultures with American society as a whole, you blur the real issue. There simply is no widespread oppression (towards any group) in current American society.
And reactions based on identity politics, instead of logic, do not further your cause. A cause which, btw, I generally agree with.
I'm a woman, and I agree with Silliness. A stranger saying "hey gorgeous" is NOT the same thing as a man following you down the street or rubbing his genitals on your back. To insist they are one and the same is to trivialize the experiences of women who have actually been subjected to harrassment.
This comments thread is frightening.
The subject of this post is clearly about sexual street harrasment, and there's men in this thread that are clearly very defensive about women's issues getting discussed, because they need to make it about them getting harrased for being gentrifiers.
Secondly, DC is notorius for bad street harrasment. There is organzing going on in Columbia Heights around it - including a rally sometime last spring.
Thirdly, street harrasment is very real and very scary. People need to be quiet with the "oh don't take it so seriosuly" bullshit. Just yesterday I was in Giant and some dude is following me calling me "sexy sexy". That is just nasty.
Fourthly, people who masturbate in public are getting off on making people uncomfortable. Your responses as a person witnessing are constricted because you don't want to give the person the satisfaction of acknowleding that you see him masturbating - by doing that you're becoming even more of a part of his sick fantasy.
I love how so many people on this post are completely ignorning what so many of the other posters have said: that "a stranger saying "hey gorgeous" is NOT the same thing as a man following you down the street or rubbing his genitals on your back"--no crap it's not! That's the problem--that so many women are sexually harassed by more than just "heys". We're talking about when "heys" do or could easily turn into violent encounters when countered. If it makes you feel safer as a woman to dimiss what your peers are saying is a real problem, more power to you. But don't try to diminish a forum where those who admit/experience what's going on can talk about it and feel less alone and less afraid.
Also, "Silliness" I'd like to know what your definition of "widespread oppression" is? Slavery? Because there are multiple groups experience loss of safety, income, health care and/or personal liberties because of who they are and what they believe. Don't think so? Well then I guess you're one of the lucky majority who don't have to experience it.
What's at issue here is a spectrum of behaviours and complaint. On the one hand you have extreme acts of actual or implied sexual/physical or even psychological assault. This is EVERYONE'S business. It is illegal and subject to sanction. Remember- every woman is some man's sister, wife, mother, friend, co-worker, neighbor etc, and as such there is always SOME man who has a direct interest in the protection of her dignity and safety from other men. The other end of the spectrum is characterised by annoying but not life threatening lapses in civility and decorum. These types of behaviours though maybe not that important to the average guy are EVERDAY occurences to women. It's still valid for them to blog about those even if it's more of a "woman's thing" between girls.
It's kind of funny, back in the early 90's I was hanging with one of my boys over Summer break and whilst stumbling around drunk we commented on how polite the bums in DC were compared to the psychotic NJ/NYC bums we were used to dealing with up at school. A lot has changed in the last 15 or so years.
Of course people ignored the comment that verbal "hey baby" harassment is the same as physical harassment that actually endangers a person. They aren't the same. But when daily confronted w/verbal "hey baby" sh-t, I could see how a person would begin to generalize that all harassment is the same.
I was going to suggest that people ignore Silliness and the like, because he's pretty obviously a racist, sexist pig, but ignoring his sort of behavior won't make it go away. So, first, "Logically, there has to be some other metric than hurt feelings for harassment to be a coherent issue" - um, yeah, that's not the law. And I'm very, very sorry for you if you thought that it was. A person's subjective feelings are very much taken into consideration. Perhaps you could start your own little non-profit to overturn the last 20 years of sexual harassment laws.
Second, it really is hard to truly understand a person with a different starting point. My sex life is practiced by the majority of Americans, so I simply do not AUTOMATICALLY understand how a gay man feels when he's taunted by others because of his sexual preferences. I can, however, have empathy and I can TRY to understand. I can draw analogies. But, then, drawing analogies and TRYING to understand does take time and work and effort and might expose weaknesses or doubts on my part. And who wants to deal with that?
Finally, it's really great that some people have overcome all of the obstacles in their lives and have reached a place in society where they feel that widespread oppression no longer exists. These people must have a lot of free time, what with the lack of hardship in their lives. Perhaps they could start volunteering with the children of this city, you know the kids who don't have representation in Congress, the kids a few years ago who were drinking contaminated water, the kids who attend school everyday with people that look just like them, the kids who can after high school choose between military service or a series of minimum wage jobs . . . then there are the adults in the city who can't travel to the grocery store because their local metro bus’s handicapped accessibility is broken . . . oh, and the janitors that clean up their offices but cannot read English . . .
I'd like to second TLB's point (post 60): Despite the impression I may have given to the contrary, I fully agree that cat-calling is socially unacceptable, and to the degree that websites like Don't Be Silent and Holla Back raise awareness of what is and is not acceptable behavior, I'm all for it. The goal should be getting our society to the point where when a guy cat-calls a woman, his friends turn to him and say, "dude, that's not cool." Because at the end of the day, it's not lectures from outraged women that are going to make them stop, it's the negative feedback from their peers.
We also have to understand that there is something else at work when a man follows a woman, or hits her with his car because she won't respond to his cat-calls, or masturbates on a train (crowded or not - check out some of the stories on Holla Back NYC). Maybe these actions are a logical outgrowth of our society's acceptance of what we consider lesser infractions, but if so most men do not carry it to that extreme. Why do these men?
I don't think "hey, baby" is acceptable. It's inappropriate for some random man on the street to refer to some woman he doesn't know like that. How about "hello, miss" or "hello, ma'am"? Better and acceptable.
"Hey, baby" itself may not be on par with groping and masturbation, but when a man decides to get physically or verbally agressive because he doesn't get the type of answer he wants for his "hey, baby," then it becomes another issue.
"It's all part of DC culture's particular pathology. Hopefully, gentrification and the arrival of people (of any and all races) with education and class will do much to obliterate it. It can't happen fast enough."
-Jason
I'm not even sure where to begin on this one.
Having grown up in the suburbs, I think it's pretty cruel of you longtime urbanites to assume that all of us are naive little trolls who demand that cities become replicas of our quaint hometowns. Nothing could be further from the truth, people leave the 'burbs so that they can find a bunch of wily, unpredictable shit around them.
And black people get harassed too. From reading a lot of these entries on Don't be Silent and DCist, I get the impression that the bulk of you are a whiny white kids who've never been bullied.
I'm black...but the race of the harassers and harassees shouldn't matter!
I just want to say- I'm a woman and I agree with Silliness, for the most part. We all have different triggers of things that make us feel uncomfortable, and we can't expect everyone around us to know what those triggers are. I think he's just pointing out that defining 'harrassment' as anything that makes someone 'uncomfortable' is so broad that it makes it very difficult for us, as a society, to change things. Some women (good friends of mine) like being called beautiful by strangers on the street, even if the strangers are not good looking. And I don't think we should judge them for liking it- it's their choice. These are smart, independent women.
In the case of street harrassment, yes, it happens to me all the time, and it can be upsetting. But I've seen very few solutions offered up here on a societal level, except that perhaps talking about it in an internet forum is cathartic for some. But not for me. I'd like it if DC society could come up with a definition of what is crossing the line, so we could all start acting together. I doubt that's going to happen, but it would be nice.
As for the 'widespread oppression' thread, unfortunely there are way too many definitions out there of oppression for me to feel comfortable using that word. Men who believe that tank-top-wearing women are just asking to be followed down the street and yelled at... that's definitely widespread.
Ladeez...
"HAD we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, Lady, were no crime
We would sit down and think which way
To walk and pass our long love's day.
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side 5
Shouldst rubies find: I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood,
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews. "
Civilization and socialization is the bulwark against the instints, it isn't inevitable nor is it absolute. The wolf is ever at the door. Cherish your courtly, college educated gentlemen while you can but never forget that graciousness keeps the fiend at bay. >:)
I work as a volunteer at the DC Rape Crisis Center. I can tell you from my own experience both in that capacity and as a women; sexualized harassment in DC is unacceptable, rampant and viral. Ambivalence on the part of the DC community (women & men equally) perpetuates the problem.
Just yesterday I was riding my bike a block away from my house. A man told me how much he would like to have sex with me in no uncertain terms. Certainly they were inappropriate and it made me feel uncomfortable. When I confronted him he told me I should "get out of his neighborhood." Am I not allowed to bike around my own neighborhood without being harassed?
I didn't have the guts to take my own advice, but I'll pass it on to you. If you are harassed on the street the best response is street tested and to the point:"Stop harassing women. I'd don't like it; no one does. Show some respect" No matter what they say back, repeat: "show some respect."
It can be scary -- but isn't it more productive than just going home fuming? If every man, women, and child confronted harassers like this we could stop this problem. It takes action, not diatribe.