Oh the irony.

I still can't believe that this sold out last night.

Sweet. Between my husband and me, if chicks who end their sentences with question marks keep it up, we're gonna get published every week from now on! And kudos to others for frequenting Java Green in an attempt to hear some truly baffling/great stuff... I don't know what makes their clientele say such strange things. It must be meat withdrawal.

Making fun of ignorant tourists is like shooting chimps in a barrel; the cachet wears thin after the fiftieth time mopping the same gore spray off your outfit.

And a day without mentioning Hitler is a day without sunshine.

Little known fact: Hitler's mother combed her pubic hair over to one side.

kate you are the Overheard in DC franchise player.

and by the way your husband can idle the hours jotting down cellphone convos of pre- and post-sorority question-mark-talking girls but not take 3 measly hours to watch Knocked Up with his wifes friends?

Also, "Air Guitar Championshop"? FFS... it's just the new ironic fad for self-conscious and self-absorbed twentysomethings who think that ironic karaoke is too passe (that's soooooo 2005).

Yes, my Wheaties were pooped in. F off.

monkeyrotica,

I'm talking about the ones who go "Sir? Sir! SIRRR!" While following you. There's something about that I can't shrug off. Or the asshole who corners you on a subway platform. Once a dude approached me all friendly-like, claimed to be a Howard graduate (math) but was thrown in jail for pot. He begged, and I told him I had no money (which is generally true) but continued talking to him about Howard, math, being in jail, etc. just trying to be friendly (I did feel bad I couldn't help him out). But he got very agitated and assumed I was being suspicious and got defensive, said "look man, I'm hungry!" and stormed off. He puts on airs, tries to be all friendly ("Hey, my man!") then when I reciprocate, he got all bent out of shape, like I was the one wasting HIS time.

And that leads me to my $60,000 question: why is there some sort of correlation between the shittiness of a form of transit and the frequency of panhandling? I always want to tell them, "If I had money to spare, do you think I'd be taking Greyhound?" I guess it's much easier for John T. Crackhead to stumble into a Greyhound station (almost always in the shitty part of town) instead of an airport or train station.

I hate all of that shit, but at least they ask. They could just straight up mug you, which is quite worse...

One for the books:

DC cop on 7th street yells to girl in SUV on her phone: "Get off the phone!"...."Thank you, Paris Hilton." (with appropriate amount of contempt in voice).

Classic.

Not to get too serious, but I sometimes think we like to talk about homeless people who we think are taking advantage (he didn't really want a sandwich, he wanted money for crack; he's got nicer sneakers than me; he's just a lazy bum etc etc) as a way to deflect the guilt we feel for not being able to really help them out.

Most homeless people have serious problems, and they've ended up on the street because they don't have the social or family networks to support them. Think about how you know you could rely on your family and friends if you hit a rough patch -- you lost your job, you became seriously depressed, you were mentally ill, or you were addicted to drugs. There are alot of people out there whose family and friends don't have the time, money, or energy to prop them up for as long as necessary to get back on track.

I just don't know how helpful it is for us to sit around talking about how ungrateful or aggressive homeless people are. I'd rather we actually have a serious conversation about what can be done to help those that can be helped.

(And yeah, I know that was way heavy. Sorry)

i hate homeless people almost as much as i hate homeless crackheads.

sorry if you've been in DC more than a couple years you totally ignore the crackhead homeless vagrants.

Ex-Hy Hy:

Why would you expect a homeless person to remember your face, you obviously pay them no mind.

Last Friday night at the Metro Center station, this guy started yelling what I first understood to be "diaper" but was actually "God is Great". (He obviously wasn't enunciating his words). Over and over and over. After a few minutes, one guy yelled "shut the fuck up!" and he just kept repeating "Good is Great". Another guy walked over to him and asked, "If I give you a dollar, will you shut the fuck up??" And, he said, "yes" and did. hahahaha His mode of action was to annoy and receive a payoff, and it was successful. I would classify him as a con-man.

Jim, I said that most homeless people have serious problems, not serious mental problems. That includes the many who are homeless for short periods of time.

I have to admit that one of the reasons I've been thinking about this alot lately is because my dad's sister is mentally ill -- she's been sick for about 40 years, and has alternately been diagnosed as manic depressive and paranoid schizophrenic. She often goes off her meds, or sometimes the meds she's on stop working (basically, he doctor decides she's doing well, then something traumatic happens -- like a hurricane or the house next door burning down -- but the doctor won't listen to my dad when he says she needs extra medication and the next thing we know she's off the rails). The point is, she's been able to live relatively independently due to my dad's financial and emotional support, as well as the support of the few friends she hasn't completely alienated. I know of other people who have had to rely on the support of friends and family when they lost their job or struggled with depression and drug addiction.

Obviously there are some people who are just plain bad and anti-social. And obviously you can't save someone who is bent on self-destruction. But I do think the sheer number of homeless in our country indicates that something is broken. I also think that stories about the panhandler who your mother's best friend's cousin saw getting into a limo at the end of the day make people feel better about not doing anything about the very real problem of homelessness.

Oh, and I'm not saying you should give a dollar to every guy who asks -- the only result of that would be that you'd end up broke.

At B. Dalton, we used to keep a copy of The Art of Fisting under the counter and pull it out for special occasions. It was always amusing to sit behind the register and catch the slow look of recognition wash over a customer's face when he or she realized what we were reading. It had drawings too!

To spoil the fun, the actual title is Hand in the Bush--no joke.

I noticed that when I re-read monkey's post after writing mine. I guess I need to read more carefully ;-)

Okay, I officially feel awful for bringing up such a depressing topic on a Friday. Let's go back to making fun of tourists.

chaesar:

1. Obviously I DID pay him mind; in fact, I paid him TWENTY DOLLARS.

2. It was not in DC, but in a much smaller town. You tend to see the same faces every day. I certainly recognized his, and in fact, he recognized mine (which he admitted).

I love the panhandlers with the sneakers that cost more than my iPod.

In and of themselves, hugely expensive athletic shoes don't necessarily mean that a panhandler is a scammer. There are plenty of charitable groups that take contributions of used shoes. Most donations are too worn out to be useful as shoes -- they get pulped and turned into rubberized surfaces for running tracks and playgrounds instead -- but a surprising share of those shoes that still have wear in them and can be given to the needy come from college and professional athletic teams. A basketball shoe can be worn out to the point where an NBA or NCAA 1A player will notice a decline in performance while still being in excellent condition for normal uses.

Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that a panhandler with great shoes isn't trying to put something over on someone. Heck, I dunno whether there's even any such program going on in Washington now. But in principle, not necessarily a sign of deceit.

I really can't believe some of the posts on here.
3.5 million people were homeless last year.
1.3 million were children
there were over 400,000 veterans homeless last year, over 200,000 on any given night (national coaltion for homeless veterans)
over 40% were families (national alliance to end homelessness)
over 44% have a job (that doesn't include the many that do day labor work)--also the other 56% either are unable to work because of a disability or because they are elderly, and most businesses won't hire someone because of the stereotypes so many associate with homelessness.
According to the National Low Income Housing Coalition you have to make $16.31 an hour to afford a two bedroom apartment at fair market rent working 40 hours a week. People say homeless people are crazy--according to US Conf of Mayors Report 16% have a diagnosed mental illness (i have seen studies by national organizations that say up to 30% have a mental illness), most people did not become alooholics until after they became homeless.
What about the fact that 60-70% of people that are homeless do not have health insurance (according to the National health care for the homeless council). The number one cause of homelessness in the US is the lack of affordable housing, then lack of health care, followed by domestic violence, poor paying jobs and mental illness is number five.
if you see someone on the street panhandling you dont have to give money, just give acknowledgement of a fellow human being, say hello, have a conversation. Some people will use the money for alcohol or drugs, yes, but others will use it for food, clothing, transportation, hotel, phone etc. Yes, homeless people can have cell phones (need them for work contact, family etc). We need to support the Bringing America Home ACt (comprehensive bill to end homelessness--contact your rep to support), we need to ban "Bum Fights" videos--614 documented attacks, resulting in 189 deaths in last 8 years (88% of crimes committed by people under 25), we need to stop criminalizing homelessness as well. If you talk to someone on the street, build a friendship they will remember you, I have many friends who are homeless--when I see them I say hi "charles" or hi "Stephen" and it is nice for someone on the streets to have someone call them by their name instead of hey you or bum. That person on the streets is someones son, daughter, parent, friend--nobody deserves to be homeless. check out www.nationalhomeless.org maybe you will learn something