June 13, 2007
Pearson Headlines a Real Kick in the Pants
The Roy Pearson Pants trial continues, and Marc Fisher does indeed have an entertaining post up about what's gone on so far today, including the introduction of The Pants in question:
The dramatic moment in Courtroom 415 at D.C. Superior Court revealed that yes, the pants look like they are part of a suit, and yes, the dry cleaners attached to these pants a tag with the same numbers that appeared on the receipt Pearson got for his suit. But Pearson still denies these are his pants, and still demands $54 million, though he has not yet wept today.
Read the whole thing, especially toward the end when Pearson describes his legal definition of "Satisfaction Guaranteed." Presiding Judge Judith Bartnoff is allowing the trial to proceed after a motion to dismiss was made by defense counsel.
This trial has been incredibly fun for us to follow, for reasons not the least of which include the insane amount of media coverage it has received all over the world. No one, it seems, fails to be amused by the story of Judge Pearson and the sad, sad story of his missing pants. After scouring the Internet for all the different stories about this case (there are hundreds), we've compiled a list of some of our favorite headlines so far. Copy editors of the world thank you for making their jobs more fun, Judge Pearson.
- "Judge Tries Suing Pants Off Dry Cleaners" [New York Times]
- "'Ele-pant' case needs real Judge Judy" [Canada Free Press]
- "$54 Million Lost Pants Suit Gets Put On In Court One Leg At A Time" [Citynews.ca]
- "Cleaner taken to cleaners" [World News Australia]
- "$54M Lost-Pants Trial Is a Stitch" [Free Ride/Express]
- "Pantalunacy: Judge Pearson and the Drycleaners" [ShopFloor.org]
- "Judge Drops Pants Claim" [KWTX.com]
- "Lost-Pants Suit Trims A Little Off Bottom Line" [Hartford Courant]
We're all deeply saddened we didn't come up with "Pantalunacy" first. Seen anymore? Got some ideas of your own? You know what to do.
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Is "Pant-amonium" a little too obvious?
The only headline I want to see is:
Pearson Pants Plaintiff Painfully Pummelled by Two-Liter Cans of Donald Duck Orange Juice
That, and
54 Million Dollar Pants Suit Makes Owner Look Like Ass
Speaking of ass:
That photo crop resembles a zombie owl.
I'm just sayin'...
Pompous Plaintiff's Priapism Preceded by Pounding Per Pugilistic Persons?
How about:
DC Judge Weeps After Getting Caught with Pants Down
Pissy Pants Plaintiff Penally Pummeled, Placed in Pound-me-in-the-ass Prison
Motion to dismiss denied? Honestly this is pretty open and shut. No one's going to give you $54M for your pants, shut up. If it wasn't the dry-cleaners he'd be suing the coffeeshop that screwed up his mochaccino.
Also, "p'antebellum" try out that word for a spin.
The pants are part of a law suit?
Is he pressing his claims?
He seems hot under the collar, fit to be tied.
I would cut the drycleaner some slacks.
The case is really socking it to the drycleaner.
(just posting this, I didn't write it)
You forgot "doesn't have a leg to stand on" without the pants. . .
"Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, 'The Never-Ending Story'"
-Lionel Hutz
"Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, 'The Never-Ending Story'"
-Lionel Hutz
Anybody watch Charles Gibson Tuesday? ABC World News confused Judge Pearson and Councilman Barry.
newsbusters(DOT)org(SLASH)node(SLASH)13407
God, i just know i'd love to be the guy who mistakingly got that pair of pants and was just too lazy to actually go return them. who ever he is hopefully he knows what's happening, and is just laughing his ass off on a couch eating chips and dip watching the news wearing nothing but the pants. intentionally spilling onion dip on them of course.
ok, i have to agree with the judge. the cleaners did not live up to their end of the transaction. yes, $54M is completely ridiculous. but people need to stand up to business that provide shitty service and think they can just get away with losing people's stuff.
I agree with Steve. Obviously this lawsuit is a joke, but I hope it will serve as a wakeup call for those who run dry cleaning services. I never understood how it's possible that dry cleaners lose so many articles of clothing. Where does it all go?? It shouldn't require a great deal of organizational skill to make sure people get back the clothes they brought in, yet dry cleaners are famous for losing stuff. They never apologize for it, and they either won't reimburse you or they'll make you go through a complicated process for it. And sometimes they damage things too! It's shameful that anyone would run a business this way, let alone get away with it. Really, you're better off throwing your nice suits in the washer and hoping for the best.
CJ is dry cleaning in the District really that bad? I've lived in Alexandria for 15 years, have patronized 3 different cleaners. I've had a few minor issues with stains, and an occasional broken shirt button is to be expected, but I've never had anything lost in 15 years, nor have I ever hear of it happening to anybody I know. I wasn't aware this was a big problem in other places;
thenoseonyourface.com
June 14, 2007
Judge Roy Pearson’s Ex Files Suit Against Him Claiming World Was Never “Rocked”
In a cruel twist of fate Roy Pearson, the man who filed a $54 million lawsuit against a dry cleaner who lost his pants, now finds himself on the defensive. Pearson’s former girlfriend Melissa DeLoach has filed suit against him for failing to live up to his own lofty guarantees of coital performance.
“Quite frankly, my client feels duped,” said DeLoach’s attorney, J.D. Shuttelworth. “There were certain copulatory promises that were made by Mr. Pearson that simply never materialized. This breech of oral contract, so to speak, has left my client distraught. Compensation is in order.”
That compensation, $75 billion dollars, is to defray the pain and suffering that DeLoach claims never came into being as a result of Pearson’s lackadaisical effort.
The suit makes the following contentions:
* Although he did get slightly “jiggy-wid” Ms. DeLoach , Mr. Pearson never in fact “rocked her world.”
* Despite Mr. Pearson’s repeated claims to the contrary, Ms. DeLoach was never able to see her deity during intercourse.
* Mr. Pearson made repeated, mockingly rhetorical questions that insinuated that Ms. DeLoach does not know who her father is.
I have to disagree with CJ and steve. I've never found dry cleaning in DC or anywhere else to be that bad. Besides, I believe that they already agreed to settle the dispute for $12,000 but Pearson is a greedy, idiotic jerk and won't give up until he's a millionaire.
"Judge Without Pants Ready For Cross-Examination."