July 31, 2007
Gawker Perfects Art of Talking Out of Ass
Hey look, someone who writes for Gawker doesn't know where to go out in D.C., and thinks that everyone who lives here works for the government and never changes out of their work clothes! How adorable.
Yesterday, I was trying to get home from Miami, but the weather had other plans, and the plane I was on got diverted to Washington, D.C. To Dulles Airport, to be exact, which is way farther outside of the city than I thought? But why would I ever go there? Exactly. Anyway! I gave up and got off the plane, and made my way to Union Station, where I sat at a bar and drank red wine and ate some weird fake tandoori chicken salad thing, and next to me was the most ridiculous first date I've ever had the opportunity to overhear.Congratulations on being the saddest little New York hipster in the world, "Doree." Because you're totally right on target to assess the quality of a city by heading straight from its least convenient airport to the train station in order to observe the dating habits of its inhabitants. Why, whenever I travel to your city, I always fly to Newark, then go directly to Penn Station on a Friday afternoon to grab a Diet Coke from Hudson News and deduce that New York is a terrible place to live because all anyone there ever does is complain about waiting in line and wanting to get the heck to Long Island and all there is to eat there are Pretzels.
So we can't say we blame you for posting the subsequent, Does Boston Actually Suck More Than D.C.? reader poll, in which you oh-so-originally claim that people in D.C. are "ugly," dress only "for the office," are entirely represented by the Late Night Shots crew, and that "everyone works for the Federal government, which right now means the city is crawling with smarmy Republicans. Including George Bush." But you forgot to mention how we're all lawyers!
We'd roll our collective eyes at you if you had said anything that wasn't remotely outdated or entirely false -- but that seems like more effort than this laughable description of D.C. is worth. Instead, we'll employ a little copy-and-pasting to highlight just a couple of your more astute commenters on this post, and get on with the rest of our lives as unattractive, badly dressed Hill staffers who go on terrible dates in train stations. With lawyers. Lawyers who work for the government.
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Wait, you mean we aren't all lawyers. Damn.
Let's be fair . . . we suck at least equally to Boston
Your NYC/DC comparison needs work - JFK is the least convenient in terms of distance from the center of Manhattan, and LGA is the least convenient in terms of no train running directly there.
teehee. well done.
i voted for DC sucking more than Boston. and by the way, we're ahead with 58% of the vote now. a good half of the reasons that boston sucks seem to also apply to D.C.: masstransit issues, segregation, ridiculous real estate prices, sucking sports teams . . . .
and we do have LNS. and the most expensive baseball stadium ever. and georgetown. and shit tons of lawyers. and a much worse school system. they do have the accent, and the red sox fans. hmmmmm. we don't have a vote in congress, though. that seems a tie-breaker. d.c. sucks more.
Yeah, as if DC only has lawyers. They totally forgot about the law students, let alone those people studying for the LSATs.
But seriously, getting up in arms about stupid crap like this only legitimizes it. Besides, I'm still trying to figure out why there's a question mark at the end of the second sentence.
I imagine the question mark is there to graphically reinforce her utter cluelessness about DC and NoVA geography.
As a Reston native, this makes me sad. She could have had that bad salad and seen some sort of embarrassing first date no more than five miles from the airport. People, it's called Reston Town Center... look into it.
hey sommer,
you're not even from DC so shut the fuck up
If only Doree had headed a block west she could have witnessed the Monday-night interdenominational frotage and coprophagia contest at Gonzaga. Opus Dei has been sponsoring it for years, but it only built up steam when alumni John Mclaughlin and Pat Buchanan took over the steering committee. Big time poo-eaters the two of them. Competitive eating-level stuff, topped by a display of cabbage-eating and trick pyroflatulation. Now there's a tale to bring back to the Round Table.
guest #9. Like anybody other than Buchanan is from D.C. Yet another reason D.C. sucks more than Boston. The fact that that anyone would question D.C.'s status as the suckage nexus of the Universe is downright insulting.
The worst thing to happen to DCist is getting a mention in Washingtonian. People think the whole "guest" comment thing brings out the ignorant and crazy, but it's the coincidentally-timed mention in Washingtonian. Just MHO.
Sommer, you had me laughing my ass off. Thank you for that.
Everett
Anyone who opines about a place (and its people) based upon the perceived fashion sense of its populous is too inane, too mind-numbingly fatuous, to have their opinion taken seriously. Such people should be taken far away--put outside of society--lest their frivolous idiocy contaminate the very soul of our civilization.
Also--Boston sucks.
A better comparison for New York would have been hanging out at Houlihan's in Penn Station and bumping into a couple on a date there.
Everyone there is waiting for their train back to Jersey (or perhaps Long Island if they venture to that part of the station), and is GETTING THEIR DRINK ON before heading home.
Houlihan's during happy hour = hell on Earth.
I don't know about ACTUAL Boston, but David E. Kelley's Boston sucks goat dong.
Oh, wait. I do know about actual Boston: They're all terrified of Aqua Teen Lite Brites. Jesus wept. Today's Bostonians would have never been able to face the redcoats.
The problems with DC begin and end with the pleated pants and boat shoes. And yes, I do judge cities on fashion. What else would you judge it on?
i may be ugly but i certainly do not work for the government.
He should have taken a little time to explore DC's hundreds of corporate owned franchise bars. It's lovely men and women decked out head to toe in H'M and Eddie Bauer wear.
The thing is, most people aren't hot. So if you're like most people, where would you rather live: in a place where you're comparatively ugly, or a place where you kinda look like everyone else?
For what it's worth, I frequently find that people who are in love with Boston are really more in love with the idea of Boston.
People misunderstand the 'Hollywood for ugly people' concept. It's not that DC is uniformly butt-ugly or lacking style (pleated pants and boat shoes not withstanding, and tourists don't count), but the DC celebrity class is homely compared to NYC/LA.
The reason DC's ugly compared to LA is that every third person in DC isn't a plastic surgeon. Everybody isn't "beautiful" in DC because of residents' limited access to botox, giant racks, and pure uncut Bolivian marching powder.
I love DC, I'm just not in love with DC.
Thank you for combating the widespread and rampant disease of New York elitism... I forgot how much better they have it up there in the big apple, home of the ubber trendy fake and overpriced everything
i dislike new york greatly. so i don't mind that they feel dc is a dump. my boss and i took a train up there last week for a meeting and in the short time i was there, i saw a lady on the floor in the 'subway' with everyone walking past her like it was an everyday occurrence. everybody looks slightly sketchy and like they're trying too hard to fit in with the "new york cool" image. give me dc anyday, thanks.
in summary, i wouldn't move to ny even if they paid me (well... maybe, and depending on how much...)
The DC vs. NY debate is so passe. Didn't NY get the memo?
^^^Indeed, the whole "my city is great and your city sucks" debate is very high school.
Yeah, OK, DC sucks, but not for the reasons claimed by the dumb-*ss from NYC (who in the WORLD would think 'free evening=train station"??
I question why we are even bothering to RESPOND to this moron.
As for the supposedly 'dim' woman he overheard, she is not representative of this area. If anything, we are OVER-EDUCATED (and often downright nebbish) if anything. We have more residents with advanced degrees than ANY OTHER metro area in the United States, including the Bay Area.
@24: Are you an idiot?
To be fair to the Gawker DC Hater, he was at the train station to take a train...and was amused (and amazed) that there were people in the train station not there to do the same thing. Anyway, comparing NYC to DC is apples and oranges.
But aren't geographic wang-measuring contests part and parcel of regional blogging? If it isn't my-city-vs-your-city, it's suburb-vs-city, or suburb-vs-suburb. How many pixels have been spilled over in the DC-is-so-enlightened/VA-is-a-bunch-of-gun-nuts dogpile?
When I lived near Lincoln Park, I was invited to a party of Hill staffers and Library of Congress folks. There was this Australian expat there, doing the usual expat badmouthing of all things American. I'd been drinking since noon, so I let it ride. But I swear, every single statement she made was prefaced by, "Well, in AUSTRALIA..." Didn't matter the subject: crime, housing, education, food, music, the softness of the toilet paper, the sensitivity of their men to womens' needs, the loyalty of their canines. Everything was better in Australia. I guess it was the Schafers talking, but I finally told this digger, "If Australia's so goddamned great, what the f**k are you still doing here? And how much for a Quantas ticket to f**king go back?"
But what really frosts my Kelvinator is when I run into folks when I'm out of town and the conversation usually gets to "where you from?" and the reply comes "Oh, I'm from DC" and I'm like "Yeah? What part?" and they're like, "Oh, Herndon" Or Sterling. Or freaking Front Royal. Look, you're from VIRGINIA. Why the need to glom onto DC when you obviously s**t all over it when you're here? "Oh, DC's so DANGEROUS. And they keep re-electing that CRACKHEAD. And there's all THOSE PEOPLE with their SMELLY COOKING." But when you're on vacation, "Oh, I'm from the NATION'S CAPITOL! I'm a DC native!"
But you know what REALLY pees me off? When these aren't the droids I'm looking for.
Why on earth would anyone from NYC feel the need to trash DC to feel better about themselves? They are vastly different cities, and NYC is about 20 times bigger. Same with Boston. There's no "NYC vs. DC" debate any more than you would race your Porsche 911 turbo against a Dodge Neon and feel like you accomplished something. I love both cities for what they are.
That said, the guy's clearly mentally retarded. He judges DC based on a couple hours in Union Station? Does anyone who lives in DC actually go there? Likewise, of course everyone in Georgetown looks like a J. Crew ad. So what? It's Georgetown. Everyone in midtown New York looks like a banker, so I guess all residents of NYC must be bankers.
Come on people, didn't you get the memo?
If it isn't happening in New York, it isn't happening. Bow down to pay your proper respects to that Biggest of Apples, and perhaps she will have pity on you and invite you to relax with a $14 martini in one of her hipster Meatpacking District bars.
But what really frosts my Kelvinator is when I run into folks when I'm out of town and the conversation usually gets to "where you from?" and the reply comes "Oh, I'm from DC" and I'm like "Yeah? What part?" and they're like, "Oh, Herndon" Or Sterling. Or freaking Front Royal. Look, you're from VIRGINIA. Why the need to glom onto DC when you obviously s**t all over it when you're here? "Oh, DC's so DANGEROUS. And they keep re-electing that CRACKHEAD. And there's all THOSE PEOPLE with their SMELLY COOKING." But when you're on vacation, "Oh, I'm from the NATION'S CAPITOL! I'm a DC native!"
Well, you're totally right, but this is simply because of the difficulty of explaining the difference between northern Virginia and the rest of Virginia. You say you're from Virginia and people say "Oh, I have a cousin who lives in Brunswick, how's the peanut crop coming along this year" or whatever, or - far more frequently - they have no idea where or what Virginia is. Particularly people born and raised in California, the more worldly of whom will say something like "Where is that, is that in the South?" At least those people have seen DC in a movie and have some vague idea it's an urban area on the East Coast, so you say "I'm from the DC area," because Fairfax County has far more in common with Montgomery County than it does with, say, Henrico County.
But you're right, we get home and it's back to hating on the actual city. I'm fairly sure a lot of people from the suburbs have come to think of the suburbs as where everybody "in DC" really lives, ie the "normal" part of the Washington area. We think of the actual city as being an enclave of weird rich people, terrifying minorities, and the random naive yuppie.
But aren't geographic wang-measuring contests part and parcel of regional blogging?
Touche'.
What really irks me is when people use "capitol" when they mean "capital."
As for NYC, last time I was in Times Square I was really impressed that they had a Bennigans and 6 TGI Friday's within 3 blocks of each other. I can't wait until Brookly gets an Applebees. Oh wait...
That's funny, I always say I'm from Falls Church when traveling. DC? Oh, yeah it's close, I say, but who wants to go there besides college students and Marines?
There are no celebrities in DC, only ugly self important types.
Oh, and the weather is pretty sucky too.
The original post on Gawker was not a comparison of NYC to DC. The overly senstive editors at DCist chose to make it that. It was simply the writer's opinion that DC sucks--not more or less than NYC-- but just generally speaking. The follow-up post on Gawker was which sucks more, Boston or DC--that's where the comparison came in. For such a highly educated city, people sure can't read.
What really irks me is when people use "capitol" when they mean "capital."
The Sterling vacationers I was referring to were unable to make that distinction, thank you. They also mouthed-off the perpetually-circulating urban legend that DC was built on a swamp.
Do people from Montauk say they're from New York City when they're on vacation? How about people from DeKalb claiming they're from Chicago? Isn't this just people trying to claim urban street cred where there is none? I suppose it's easier than driving around with a dismembered male hooker in your trunk for weeks.
#37 - As is self-evident by the comparison between DC and Boston, "sucking" is a relative term. In order to "suck," something must suck more, or less, than something else. Something can be purple all by itself, but for something to suck, it must be compared to another thing.
So, by nature of the author being from NYC, and describing DC as "sucking," it is perfectly reasonable to assume that he believes it sucks more than New York, since that is his frame of reference. The observation that DC sucks would be meaningless were it not in relation to another city. But, since DC and NYC are vastly different cities, the observation or comparison is onerous. As well as inaccurate, even for what it was.
To be more specific:
"Everyone in DC works for the government!" Read: Everyone in NYC does not.
"Who has a date in the train station?" Read: People in NYC do not have dates in the train station; they only have them in Soho.
"But why would I ever go there [DC]"? Read: I live in NYC, which sucks much less than DC.
"next to me was the most ridiculous first date I've ever had the opportunity to overhear." Read: First dates in NYC are never ridiculous, and certainly no party to such a date works for the State Department. But looking like Obama is OK.
"I'm fairly sure a lot of people from the suburbs have come to think of the suburbs as where everybody "in DC" really lives, ie the "normal" part of the Washington area. We think of the actual city as being an enclave of weird rich people, terrifying minorities, and the random naive yuppie."
As someone who was born/raised/and still lives in the MD burbs, I can fully deny this assumption. May be at one point long ago, but these days we pretty much group you guys into two groups.
1) Suburban brats, with no ties to the surrounding region, who want to pretend you live in a city, while you slowly turn it into a high density version of the soulless suburbs where you grew up.
2) The interesting folks who soon won't be able to afford/stomach DC anymore and will be forced to move somewhere else.
Oh - and the real kicker:
"Also she ordered some drink with Malibu rum." Read: People in NYC only order drinks made with Grey Goose.
Dear DCist,
You tend to oversimplify issues and it's getting annoying. People are getting their blood pressure all high after reading your posts when your analysis is, at most times, shaky at best. Blogs get a pass for oversimplfying if they manage to be ironic or irreverant or humorous (see, for example, Wonkette, Gawker), but DCist is none of the above. Please, just stick to informative (unless you want to hire some of the commenters who seem be better at this than you). Thanks.
I like the references to Grey Goose and Soho as shorthand for NYC snobbery. You guys don't get up to NY much, I take it.