Ballou HS Rocks the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
Photo of the Day: November 27, 2009
Morning Roundup: Black Friday Edition
Car Pushed Into Anacostia River By Train
The Saturday Morning Post
"Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent — I don't care which one — but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator."
—Brodie, Mallrats
I was conditioned perhaps a little too heavily to fear and respect the escalator. While I had no trouble riding up, getting on from the top was a daunting prospect as a child. Standing on the brink, waiting for the exact right moment to step out on the tiny moving platform always initiated visions of tumbling down to the landing below, where some piece of clothing would inevitably get caught in the mechanism at the bottom and suck me underneath while I lay unconscious. I have no doubt that the view from the top of the Dupont Circle metro escalator would have broken my tiny mind. OK, so maybe I was a neurotic kid. But there comes in every young person's life — some just later than others — a moment when we embrace the efficiency of the moving staircase, and wonder why we still have ridiculously outdated stationary ones anywhere at all. We watched the Jetsons. We could see what the future was supposed to bring. Some of us even carry that enthusiasm into adulthood. Now, if only everyone could be so excited about the concept of standing to the right, walking to the left...
Quote of the Week
Heading down the Dupont Circle metro escalator at midnight:
Drunk, early-twenties, crew-cut military man, to friend: "Dude, I LOVE escalators. When I get rich and have a big house, I'm gonna have so many freaking escalators in it - even if it's only one story high. I'll take an escalator to the attic."
After the jump, the speeding ticket gestapo, looking through Adolf-colored glasses, and dazzling equines.
There is a certain art involved in eavesdropping. Send your masterpieces to overheardindc (at) gmail (dot) com.
Photo by Flickr user bethhowe1.
------
You should see what they'll do to you for blocking the box.
In a cafe of a Tyson's Corner office building:
American guy #1: "So how are you liking it here so far?"
British guy: "Well, I went to see D.C. for the first time this weekend...we were driving around sight-seeing. There were police everywhere!"
American guy #2: "Yeah, they give out speeding tickets."
American guy #1: "Yeah, get this, if they get you with reckless-driving, now you get a ticket from the cop AND a ticket from the State of Virginia! 20 piddly miles over the speed limit!"
American guy #2: "I know! 20 miles over...that's like...that's every day. That could happen to ANYONE!"
British Guy: [takes a bite of his sandwich]
American guy #1: [loudly] "It's like GODDAMN NAZI GERMANY OVER HERE!"
All guys: [Nodding furiously]
------
Another one of his great ideas? Huge speeding fines. Who knew?
Inside the Safeway at 14th & E Streets, SE:
Man on a cell phone talking about a special he'd watched on the History Channel: "I mean, I know Hitler was an evil guy, but I agree with his ideas. If you're going to create a perfect society, some people have gotta die."
------
Her little pony.
Blue/Orange lines between L'Enfant & Capitol South after work:
20-something woman in professional business attire into phone: "Hi."
[pause]
"Is anyone using my pony?"
[pause]
"Dazzle, my pony. Is anyone riding her?"
[pause]
"Well I'm going to—"
[pause]
"I want to ride her."
[pause]
"I'm on the Metro."
[pause]
"I'm just... not really comfortable with anyone else riding her, you know?"
------
Cynicism: passed down from one generation to the next.
On the Red Line leaving Metro Center:
Young girl to Mother: "Mommy, we're going backwards!"
Mother: "Yes, honey. A lot of things are backwards in this city."
------
Beer is prohibited on the river for a reason.
Tubing down the Shenandoah:
Sorority girl to her fellow Greeks, pointing at what is clearly a cow: "Oh my god, look at that bear!"
add to stumble upon
add to reddit
tweet this
post to facebook
"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Mitch Hedberg
Mitch obviously wasn't a DC Metro regular.
That third one is totally fake. The History Channel showing a program on Hitler?! Yeah, as if!
@#1 -- "Mitch Hedberg (with a dash)."
Wow, that may very well be the most anal retentive correction of a previous comment that I've ever seen on a blog ... I sure hope that was self-editing and not someone trying to enforce The Rules of Quotation, or something.
When they came for the people who drive 20 miles over the limit in residential DC neighborhoods, I remained silent. I only drive 15 miles over.
When they locked up the people who turn left at no-left turn lights, I remained silent. I only turn right at "No Right on Red" intersections.
When they came for the drivers who ignore pedestrian crossings, I remained silent. I merely attempt to scare the pedestrians, I do not ignore them.
When they came for people who double park on Columbia, there was no one left to speak for me.
***
I had a healthy respect for escalators instilled when I met a guy who lost the first joint on three fingers playing at the mall when he was 5. (Note: NOT the Mall).
Never a bear when you need one.
And is "pony" the new "strap-on?"
Nate, no worries, the mention of quoting Mitch Hedberg with a dash is merely a reference to another of his jokes… R.I.P. Mitch
Cynicism? What are you trying to do here DCist? This website is a rabble rouser. We need to band together and fix things wrong with this city instead of shot calling things as backwards.
Bravo, Jim!
-Hugo
Speaking of fixing things wrong with this city, have you read the hilarious blog on dc at http://capitalcomplaints.blogspot.com? It asks the question: "Do we love to hate DC?" Some very funny entries and people who read dcist might like it.