August 23, 2007
Marion Barry vs. "The Enemies of the People"
In the case of Marion Barry vs. "The Enemies of the People," Barry, it seems, always comes out on top. The "Mayor for Life" has been cleared of the last of his traffic charges after the D.C. attorney general's office filed court papers electing not to go forward. The Ward 8 Council member was pulled over by U.S. Park Police for driving too slowly on Dec. 16.
In June, Barry was acquitted of driving under the influence and other charges stemming from a separate incident in September when he was pulled over by the Secret Service near the White House. And in March, there began the whole saga of whether federal prosecutors would be able to put Barry in jail for violating his parole by not filing federal income tax returns on time. Ultimately, they of course could not. This is Marion Barry we're talking about here, after all, the only man on earth who could be serving three years' probation, get into this much legal trouble in one year, and walk away totally unscathed and still capable of winning re-election by a landslide.
As he left the courthouse yesterday, the Post grabbed this money quote:
"The judge acquitted me of DWI and the same charge before," Barry said. "It was stupid to try to continue it. The enemies of the people ought to stop messing with me."
We frankly take his warning seriously. Anyone with this sort of invincibility is likely to be in league with forces of the occult. And don't forget who his new best friend is. Enemies of the people beware, indeed.
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With credentials like his, how long before Marion runs for Mayor of Baltimore? Sounds like a sure-win!
Well, Baltimore OR Baghdad...
Okay people, we've only got one take, so we really have to nail this scene. Cue the incredulous head-shaking... okay, good... now the tired, hacky jokes about someone or something having been 'set up'... great, keep it going people... okay... bring on the inevitable racially-charged discussion about failed District politics.... and, ACTION!
...Alright everyone, we got it! Nice job guys. Okay, Scene 27. Let's go, people! We've got something or other that happened in Columbia Heights, and those angry comments won't write themselves!
(I think I just jumped my own shark. Awesome.)
I admire this guy. He is bullet proof. He should go on that Scifi network show with Stan Lee where you can become a superhero. All Barry needs is a good superhero name and outfit.
Seriously, this is awesome. All the bad notwithstanding, you gotta give him credit. Too bad he'll never get to be a Senator!
All those years of comparing himself to Jesus must be rubbing off. He's the Mayor they Couldn't Nail.
$5 says that, three days after Barry passes away, they check the tomb and it's EMPTY and city is papered with election posters showing Barry running for office from HELL.
The man truly is teflon. Each time he gets off from the latest prosecution, it just builds up his ego and makes him more of a badass in Ward 8.
Samuel L. Jackson is so playing him in the film version of his life.
Marion Barry is the reason Michael Vick thought he could get away with a not guilty plea. Drunkenness and animal abuse are different, but the idea's the same.
$5 says that, three days after Barry passes away, they check the tomb and it's EMPTY and city is papered with election posters showing Barry running for office from HELL.
Not HELL, Heaven; MB will hit St. Peter with some nut roll about getting set up and glide into the afterlife with the same impunity that he enjoyed here on Earth.
The reason he keeps getting harassed by MPD and other uniforms in the District is that there is a pool going. The winner is whoever can get an charge to stick...I hear its up to 4 figures
I hate marionberry as much as I hate King George.
Oh, and I'd say the better candidate to play him in a film qould be Forrest Whitaker!
If I see him on the street, I am SOOOOO going to toe kick him in the junk. We'll see how invincible he feels whiles he's pissing blood!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA