November 16, 2007
Maryland Man's Butt v. Fourth Amendment
We've always wondered:
Where the police have reason to believe that a suspect is concealing cocaine between his buttocks cheeks, is it reasonable under the Fourth Amendment for the police, at the scene of the arrest, to reach into the suspect's undershorts and seize the cocaine as a search incident to the suspect's arrest?
While this might sound like a late-night joke between first-year law students, it's actually a question the U.S. Supreme Court is set to consider.
Via DC Metblogs and SCOTUSBlog, we find out that on November 30 the Supreme Court will decide whether or not to accept a case involving a Maryland man and his well-concealed stash. If they do, they'll have to decide whether the man's butt qualifies for Fourth Amendment protections against search and seizure. The Court of Appeals of Maryland seems to think so.
There's something hilarious about an institution as staid as the Supreme Court awkwardly sitting around trying to hash this one out.
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I'm torn. The libertarian in me says this is clearly unreasonable search and siezure. But the party boy in me says, "Break out the Wesson, the poppers, and the Yello CD."
I call the first crack cocaine joke!
Heck, Andy Reid's kid had 81-some pills stuck up his ass while ON THE WAY to jail for 23 months on drug charges... Seems ass is all the rage these days, you know, what with the crack problem n' all...
Nope, guess I'm iced...I used up all my rock jokes last week on coal.
This must be that forensic anal I keep hearing about.
I've always got a bit o' Jenkem (butt hash to those who are down with the brown) stuffed where the sun don't shine. Let's keep that between you, me, and whoever else stumbles across this post.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jenkem
Wow I did not need to know about Jenkem.
Clearly the fourth amendment protects against searches of a person's own body. Police are clearly justified in doing a cavity search if they have probable cause to suspect contraband is being concealed in a bodily cavity. And whether they do it on the scene or in the police station is really neither here nor there I would think (they'll find the same thing either way, although it would probably be nicer for the suspect and for passersby if they waited till the got back to the station).
I guess the question is was the only justification search incident to arrest or did they have probable cause to suspect the defendant of hiding something in this particular way>
As always, you know they must have found something otherwise this wouldn't be on appeal before the supreme court.
Wow I did not need to know about Jenkem.
Ask monkeyrotica, he's been addicted to Jenkem since the early 80's.
Scat has been an important part of monkeyrotica's postcoital "afterplay" for years. Try it out a little "mudsports" on your spouse or partner tonight! They'll either climb the walls in ecstasy or have you arrested.