November 30, 2007
Overheard in D.C.: Everything Revolves Around Me
It's starting to be winter, finally, after a long Indian summer of warm days and little rainfall. But lately it's been chillier and drizzlier and crummier outside. Most people prefer the sun; they don't have to wear big jackets or get soggy, and D.C. cold always seems to bite. That doesn't bother some folks. But they're probably looking at you because you're wearing Uggs.
Quote of the Week
At the Foggy Bottom Metro station:
Girl #1: "I hate it when it's nice outside."
Girl #2: "Why?"
Girl #1: "Well, when it's yucky outside everyone looks at me, but when it's nice out I have to compete with the weather."
Girl #2: "Oh, I know, I hate that!"
After the jump, jerks who hate kids, things we didn't want to know about grandma, and geological theology.
Keep us overheard-ful. Send in your good stuff to overheardindc (at) gmail (dot) com
Photo by blueiris2006
------
Apparently assholes shop at Target
Three guys have a Roomba vacuum in their cart.
Walking past a small boy with his parents, one of the guys says: "It's so sad, I can't believe Santa has died."
Small boy looks up to his parents and screams "No, mom!"
The three guys walk off with smiles on their faces.
------
Discussion of art is so interesting.
Early afternoon on Thanksgiving Day on the street near the Newseum:
Four thirty-somethings in athletic wear.
Person #1: "What should we do now?"
Person #2: "We can go to the Portrait Gallery."
Person #3: "What's in the Portrait Gallery?"
Person #2: "Portraits."
Person #3: "Portraits of what?"
Person #2: "People."
------
Trains included, we hope.
On the Orange Line last Wednesday afternoon:
Train operator: "Do not let your friends drink and drive. Or your enemies. You will be the first one your enemies will run over."
------
I know some DCist commenters who'd be interested in this religion.
At Friendship Heights Metro station:
Late 20s/Early 30s Guy to mid-20s Girl: "Don't get me wrong, I love yours, but this chili was like a religious experience. It made me want to touch my balls."
------
Except for the whole millions of years old thing.
At the Natural History Museum:
Suburban mom with two kids at the National History museum looking at a giant cross-section of amethyst: "See, look. It's a big, ugly rock, and then you open it up and it's beautiful inside. That's like us. That's like Christians."
------
Grandma, why does Grandpa want to pollinate everything?
Red Line between Rhode Island Avenue and Union Station Wednesday morning:
Two women, probably in their early sixties.
Woman 1: "Do you have honey in your kitchen?"
Woman 2: "Yes."
Woman 1: "After you shower, rub honey all over your face. I do that instead of buying all of those expensive creams and makeup. That's why my skin looks like this."
Woman 2: "Then what do you do?"
Woman 1: "Lick it off, or have someone lick it off you. Then shower again, and use more honey."
------
Good thing it's not dung beetle.
In the Starbucks on Connecticut Ave in Cleveland Park:
A woman in her mid-30s is talking to a middle-aged couple about sushi:
Mid-30s woman: "Meow... My animal Chi is a cat, so of course I like sushi."
------
We get the feeling that whoever sent this complains about political correctness all the time.
In an email:
EMAIL: To All City Employees
FROM: Community Relations
BODY: There has been some confusion about what the City of (removed) calls the big decorated pine trees erected at different municipal sites. It is called a "Christmas tree."
Thank you!




At the Foggy Bottom Metro station
Is anybody surprised?
Of course they're assholes for telling the kid Santa's dead. What do you expect? They're too lazy/stupid to do their own vacuuming. They probably have an alarm on their cellphone to remind them to defecate at least once a day.
And there I was thinking 18th Street Lounge had the highest asshole-per-square-foot ratio.
Late 20s/Early 30s Guy to mid-20s Girl: "Don't get me wrong, I love yours, but this chili was like a religious experience. It made me want to touch my balls."
Um. I think that was me. And I am mid-20s, thank you very much.
And the chili really was that fantastic. It was filled with beer and Fritos and sour cream and it was so delicious.
rusty's sweatervests just make him look early 30s.
I spend much more time gawking at girls when the weather's nice and they're wearing less clothing.
Foggy Bottom girl probably has deposits of fat she needs a jacket to hide.
where can this chili be found, rusty?
Yeah i think the Roomba was the first sign those three guys were douches.
And it sounds like grandma might be caught in an endless cycle there of shower, smear face with honey, wash it off, smear face with honey...
Those Roomba guys are my heroes. I wish I thought of that when I was in college. I would've ruined many a child's Christmas. Mwa ha ha ha.
I wonder which of the Roomba guys will be the first to be caught in flagrante while consummating their unspoken passion for...THE DEVICE? Think about it: it's cute, it hums, and it cleans up after you without complaining. What do you think the next step of their relationship will be? Sure as hell won't be dinner and a vac flick.
When the other two catch him making sweet, sweet love to the Roomba, he's gonna wish he were deader than Santa Claus. Unless... it turns out the OTHER TWO WERE BANGING THE ROOMBA ALL ALONG! That little whore! I smell three-way murder-suicide.
somebody had to tell those kids the truth....
I prefer to get my truth from Ren & Stimpy episodes.
Stimpy: (reading his Christmas list to the Lincoln Memorial) And I want a bike, and a Betsy-Wets-Herself doll, and a CHEE-Z Bake Oven, and a Pulpy the Pup doll, and a jillion army men, and a... (Ren throws a sponge at him) Ooh!
Ren: Get down from there! That's not Santy Claus! It's a memorial.
Stimpy: A memorial? (choked) I didn't know Santy Claus was... DEAD! (wails)
Ren: You are so stupid.
Stimpy: Am I?
Ren: EEDIOT! Don't you recognize President William P. Fillmore when you see him?
[Lucille replaces Lupe with a robot vacuum cleaner, then catches Buster in bed with it]
Buster: Well, what do you expect, mother?
[holds up his hook]
Buster: I'm half machine. I'm a monster!
EMAIL: To All City Employees
FROM: Community Relations
BODY: I just wanted everyone to know that I am a Christian and think all around me should know this city support only Christian holidays. That is all.
Thank you!