Hate Sandwich Scandal Getting Melty
You may have heard by now of the scandal brewing in the Capitol Café (the small eatery in the basement of the Capitol building). If not, here's the skinny: Indiana Congressman Mark Souder (R) allegedly wanted a toasted turkey sandwich real bad; Café worker Kennison Battle (known as Mohammed) allegedly gets to work on sandwich but makes fatal error of grilling aforementioned sandwich; Souder allegedly tries to correct Battle, who allegedly attempts to set it right; confusion reigns in grill area of the Capitol Café over whether direct or indirect heat is the proper way of cooking a turkey sandwich; Souder storms out of the Café in a huff and, three days hence, Battle is canned.
Now, we don't usually wade into the minutiae and trifles of the various members of Congress we host in our fair city. If we did that, that would be all we did. And frankly, it's just unseemly and mind crushingly boring. But, a new twist has been added to this story that has piqued our interest. Now, nearly three weeks after the incident, there is a rumor that Battle called Souder "a redneck honky." Ohhh shit. Primadonna Congressman in a tiff over a sandwich? Who cares? Primadonna Congressman in a tiff over a sandwich with a swirling undercurrent of race and class conflict? That is DCist all over.
Delicious photo from ninjapoodles.
Now, we're unsure if "redneck honky" is actually a racist slur. We're also unsure if it's applicable to someone who is picky enough to demand toasted over grilled. It seems like a redneck honky would prefer grilled, right? Actually, it seems like a redneck honky would prefer his sandwich heated in the acrid smoke form the burn barrel in his backyard or possibly warmed gently by strapping the sandwich to his 4x4's exhaust pipe with baling wire. Certainly there's little distinction between toasted and grilled in the final product. Maybe he wanted to keep his turkey breast with American cheese sandwich on white bread with extra mayo free of any of the black bits it could pick up on the grill? We may never know.
What we do know is that, even though Souder hails from Fort Wayne, Indiana—a place someone might assume is home to its share of redneck honkies—he doesn't appear to play the part. Souder is a member of several congressional caucuses that paint a clearer picture: Co-chair of the Bipartisan National Parks Caucus, the Zero Capital Gains Tax Caucus, the Intelligent Transportation Systems Caucus, the Biotech Caucus, the Friends of Switzerland, Taiwan, Spain, and Netherlands Caucuses, the Furnishings Caucus, and the Boating Caucus. The Boating Caucus. The only way the Boating and Furnishing Caucuses are home to a redneck honky is they're talking about these boats and these furnishings, and we're guessing no.
The worst thing we can find to accuse Souder of is that he's out of touch with his constituents. We have it on good authority (read: obscure message board used for bands to b.s. about touring locales) that the Dash-In in downtown Fort Wayne has a fantastic "Gourmet Grilled Cheese Sandwich." That's a sandwich that's grilled, Congressman, exactly how all the regular Joes and Janes in Indiana's third congressional district like their sandwiches. Toasted sandwiches are for the Washington insiders and their high-paid lobbyist friends. That, and he voted against the D.C. voting rights bill. Booooooooo.
The "redneck honky" rumor comes from an unnamed Capitol café worker, but has been denied by Battle and ignored by Souder. The manager of the café has bemoaned the whole situation, calling it a "black eye" on the eatery, according to The Hill newspaper. Poor choice of words, Mr. Café Manager.
There are signs that the Hate Sandwich incident will fade soon, however, as Battle will be relocated to another job within the Capitol complex, which Souder supports. He told The Hill through his spokesman that he never wanted Battle fired in the first place. Is there a happy ending in store for this sordid story? We shall see; maybe Souder will invite Battle for a ride on his boat.