January 17, 2008
Washington Rates Highly in Contraceptive Purchases
Forbes has put out a list of what it's calling America's "Most Lustful Cities", but what is in fact just a list of cities that sell a high percentage of contraceptives compared to their populations. D.C. comes in 6th on the list, which doesn't include any of the typically thought of as sexy U.S. cities, like Miami, New York or San Francisco.
1. Denver, ColoradoThe presence of such illustrious locales at Boise and Buffalo seems to indicate that at least part of the results show that people in cities with not a lot going on may get busy more often than those who have more nightlife options. Then again, Seattle, Portland and of course we'd argue D.C. are all pretty happening places. Maybe we're just having safer sex than people in other major cities? Has everyone in Chicago stopped using condoms for some reason? This latest Forbes list baffles just a little.
2. San Antonio, Texas and Portland, Oregon
3. Seattle, Washington
4. Salt Lake City, Utah
5. Boise, Idaho
6. Washington, D.C.
7. Cincinnatti, Ohio and Cleveland, Ohio
8. Baltimore, Maryland
9. Buffalo, New York
10. Rochester, New York
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SF and New York give a lot (and I mean A LOT) of condoms away for free, every bar, cafe, bookstore in both towns has a condom dispenser it seems. Perhaps this only counts individual purchases.
Condoms just aren't sexy. Going to the drugstore to get a morning-after pill is so much more fun. There's the awkwardness of who pays for it, and usually a guaranteed brunch date included.
Baltimore and VD go together like duckpins and Natty Boh. Want some penicillin with those gravy fries, hon?
we're just buying condoms to break the guiness record for biggest waterballoon fight.
Chicago natives are a fairly promiscuous lot. Playboy Enterprises' is located there. They're proud of their "hotdogs" and "Italian beef." Stormy, husky, brawling, City of the Big Shoulders... they're a gay biker's paradise. They're also pretty notorious for playing russian roulette with their genitals. One big snowstorm and everybody's at home, a blindfold around their junk, spinning the cylinder and pointing the revolver down there, yelling "DI DI MAO! DI DI MAO!"
So our AIDS/HIV rate is 10 times the national average, yet we're 6th in condom sales? That makes sense.
I'm kind of confused about why the Cleve and the Natti are listed in the same spot. Are they considered one city? (Which would be ridiculous considering how far apart they are) Or are they just tied for seventh? (Which also doesn't make sense since Baltimore is listed as 8th not 9th).
And have you actually been to Buffalo? It's actually got a pretty active nightlife for being such a small economically depressed city. Any they get to live close to the source of Genny Cream and Utica Club.
I know why:
1. Denver, Colorado (Snow)
2. San Antonio, Texas(Spurs)
and Portland, Oregon (Rain)
3. Seattle, Washington (Rain)
4. Salt Lake City, Utah (Mormons, they like to do it a lot).
5. Boise, Idaho (also Mormons and Snow)
6. Washington, D.C. (Bill Clinton and Republican Senators)
7. Cincinnati, Ohio and Cleveland, Ohio (Bengals and Brown, both on and off the field)
8. Baltimore, Maryland (Marty Bass)
9. Buffalo, New York (Snow)
10. Rochester, New York (Lots of Snow)
I agree with DC1974. I think a lot of the 'sexier'cities give a way a lot more condoms. DC needs to man up. Sex should be free!
dc would have ranked higher if not for the LNS crowd and their disease spreading ways.
Sweet Marty Bass reference.
It's just harder to steal them in DC what with all the lockdown at CVS.
All these contraceptive sales and yet the city still has a plethora of bastards.
You're welcome, D.C.
Yup, this clearly explains why HIV/AIDS runs rampant in the city.
ME - I liked the Baltimore one better. More concise; dense. The Chicago one got a bit rambly for me, dog.
Well, Bob, you try fitting Carl Sandburg, gay bikers, VD, and The Deer Hunter into a single post.
Consider yourself lucky I didn't crowbar Gilligan's Island and Fermat's last theorum in there.
ME -- As a Chicago native I can assure that we are't that randy. Playboy has continued to use Chicago as its HQ location -- although much of the work is done in SoCal (where Hef lives) and New York as a way to seem more wholesome. (My grandfather used to work in the Playboy Building -- which is now known by its earlier, less exciting name: the Palmolive Building).
What about the reverse index? That is, the cities who wrap it up the least? Eeeew.
one time I when I was younger we were driving through boise en route to Sun Valley and we pulled over to get a bite to eat. NExt tot he restaurant was this huge condom store. I'm talking huge.
that's cool, i've been looking for huge condoms. just to carry around, you know let a magnum fall out of my wallet on the bar next to a cute girl. by the time she realizes my scam it'll be too late.
Man monkey, youre not joking about that. You ever heard of the Mr. Leather convention? When I went to school there a couple of years ago we would see these amazing flyers for it posted all over town. Here's the website, probably NSFW:
http://www.imrl.com/
Pffft. Talk to me about Mister Leather. I swear, you buy one ball gag and a gimp outfit and you're on their sucker list for life. I've been using their flyers as bbq kindling for years.
Well, at least those Late Night Shots kids are doing something right.
geography editor hat on:
cincinnati, not cincinnatti
ok, i'll get back to work now. got more geography to edit.
TLB, that induced a knee slap.