February 7, 2008
Be in the Presidents Race, Support Teddy
Tired of seeing Teddy Roosevelt lose the Nationals' Presidents Race? Be him yourself. The Nats web site has a signup for part time jobs as the racing presidents. The qualifications are pretty basic: be between 5'7" and 6'6" (sorry Jon Rauch), be able to run the baseline wearing the 45 pound suits, and be available for about 40 percent of the Nats' home games (opening day at the new stadium is April 2 March 30). If anyone here actually gets the job, please tell us why Teddy never wins.
And speaking of Teddy never winning, some enterprising Nats fan has started the "Let Teddy Win" campaign, complete with a lot of merchandise, advocating for the giant foam Bull Mooser to win the Presidents Race finally. And some of the stuff is pretty hilarious, like the yard sign. We're surprised this hasn't come along before, as President Theodore Roosevelt has been not winning the race since 2006.
The rumor (or maybe it was just hope) was that T.R. would finally win on the day when the team gave out his bobblehead, and again on RFK's last day, but both times fans of Mr. Speak-Softly-and-Carry-a-Big-Stick were disappointed. On the last day of last season the Nats bullpen even held back the other presidents, but old Teddy showed up at the new stadium instead. He even tried a zipline once, to no avail.
Why the lack of success for Teddy? Abe, Tom, and George have all won it at least 30 times, while the youngest president in the race has a big fat zero. The Nats site provides some of the more memorable races, which show that generally Teddy gets distracted by a hot dog or ice cream, stops to throw T-shirts, or just falls over. But this is Teddy Roosevelt, not Chevy Chase as Jimmy Carter Gerald Ford! Teddy was a tough guy, leading a cavalry charge and hunting wild animals, not tripping over his feet.
Is it ageism against the youngest president? Maybe the powers that be are opposed to third parties? Are they animal activists who don't approve of his hunting, or hate teddy bears? Or maybe his big round head is just not aerodynamic. Any other theories?
Photo by #4 (Meaghan)
|
"But this is Teddy Roosevelt, not Chevy Chase as Jimmy Carter!"
That was Ford..
Right, thanks
the website also says you need to be available for half of the Nats home games - which is 50% not 40%
This jobs one says 40%, though I did link to the one that says 50.
I wish this job was available for 1 day!
I am sorry, dude, but TR was a *cavalry officer* who *cured his boyhood asthma* through a bizarrely focused and explicit program of *hardening his body on the blasted prairie* and later became *deaf in one ear because he got hit so hard by his judo instructor Yoshiaka Yamashita*. If that dude can't run down three syphilitic academics and one gangly 'mo with excess stovepipe drag, they're throwing the races.
Now if it was *Franklin* Roosevelt, that's a race.
I am sorry, dude, but TR was a *cavalry officer* who *cured his boyhood asthma* through a bizarrely focused and explicit program of *hardening his body on the blasted prairie* and later became *deaf in one ear because he got hit so hard by his judo instructor Yoshiaka Yamashita*. If that dude can't run down three syphilitic academics and one gangly 'mo with excess stovepipe drag, they're throwing the races.
Now if it was *Franklin* Roosevelt, that's a race.
Teddy won't win until real Sangria is allowed to be served in Virginia. The finest concoction I have ever sipped was at The Columbia in Ybor City, FL, which happened to be a regular watering hole for Roosevelt and the Rough Riders. Coincidence? Me thinks not.
George Washington was a badass, he was essentially a special forces in the colonial militia, and I hear he peed fire. Lincoln grew up in the fucking backwoods, and still made time to become a decent lawyer. Jefferson, was essentially the only girly man of the bunch.
Maybe Teddy wins when the Nats go to the World Series? In that case, don't hold your breath.
Opening Day is actually Maarch 30, as the Nats scored th ESPN Sunday night opener.
Teddy Roosevelt hated baseball and thought it was stupid game. Thus, Teddy always loses.
Amen Sordid! What a small world. The Columbia is AMAZING. Best bread pudding, hands down. And the mojito's aren't too shabby either. :)
Um, Teddy DID win on Teddy bobblehead day. I have photographic evidence. They said GW won. He didn't:
http://photos-b.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v133/213/23/14400508/n14400508_30628881_8758.jpg
By the way, the final stats for the 2007 season were:
33 for Washington
26 for Jefferson
22 for Lincoln
0 for Roosevelt
Courtesy of Flickr photo