February 26, 2008
Every Starbucks to Close at 5:30 p.m.
Our pals over at Seattlest have been following this far longer than we have, but in case you hadn't heard, Starbucks will be closing its 7,100 stores nationwide tonight from 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. in order to re-train all of its employees simultaneously on ... how to make coffee.
"We will have all new standards for how we create the drinks. They will be trained in creating the perfect shot, steaming the milk, and all the pieces that come together in a drink," Starbucks spokeswoman Valerie O'Neil said in a statement. "It's really about ensuring that the customer experience that we provide is the best that it can be."
For caffeine addicts without a whole lot of imagination worried about tonight's closures, we refer you to this list of independently-owned coffee shops in D.C. from BuyIndie.net.
Seattlest has more from the SBux barista frontlines, where the question seems to be: will the company be providing dinner for their employees tonight?
Photo by IntangibleArts
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This will be worse for Washington than three hours without internet access. Mass hysteria is inevitable.
Speculate all you want, once again The Onion has scooped you all.
FYI, while Fourbucks is closed for Phase II Repurposing, Dunkin Donuts is having a 99 cent latte/cappuccino/espresso deal.
I hope the training includes Starbucks baristas running out to scoop some decent beans from murky, Counter Culture, Porto Rico (in NY), or directly from the Palm Civet's ass.
That means my coffee tomorrow morning better be the best coffee I've ever had at a Starbucks, right?
That means my coffee tomorrow morning better be the best coffee I've ever had at a Starbucks, right?
All they do at this place is push a button to make an espresso. Does that require training? "Making the perfect shot"? You gotta be kidding me. Try a new machine first.
When I worked at Cosi there was a time limit in seconds for each step, or else the shot would be burned or the milk not foamy enough or what have you. I guess that's what they're relearning.
This will be worse for Washington than three hours without internet access. Mass hysteria is inevitable.
Cats and dogs, living together!!!
"We will have all new standards for how we create the drinks."
KA-CHING!!! I'm betting on a price increase in the near future. Now where did I put that trust fund??
Well - don't try Murky at Eastern Market. There's some sort of tax issue going on with them and they are closed today, hopefully temporarily, god willing.
Cats and dogs, living together!!!
I just remembered, we never had a wedding for the cat and dog.
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened."
All I can wonder is after their retraining, if my coffee will still taste like burnt monkey ass...
...with apologies to Monkeyrotica.
Hopefully they'll also train some of them in customer service and good manners as well...
BTW, why is it Seattlest instead of Seattlist?
AM, apparently somebody bought the Seattlist and Seattleist domains before they could get them, so they settled for the misspelled version.
Speaking as a monkey's ass, I have to agree with demonfafa. I have yet to have a cup of Starbucks that didn't taste like my callipygean groove packed to the rim with Chesterfield butts. Gimme Swings or Misha's or, fuggit, even McDicks has better coffee that that dump.
P.S.: put the cat and dog in a pillowcase and hum romantic music. This has worked for me on numerous occasions until the cops arrive. At that point, pretend you're deaf, grunt confusedly, and use made-up sign language. Eventually they will give up.
I can't imagine this is anything more than a gimmick. Boy, I really should have gone to Starbucks at 8:31 to get the PERFECT non-fat decaf chai latte. Or assless chaps, whatever was cheaper.