Overheard of the Week:

Saturday, Cherry Blossom and Nats exhibition game day, on the Blue Line train between Pentagon and National Cemetery:

Forty-something tourist, after listing off all of D.C.'s professional sports teams: "And doesn't DC have a minor-league football team?" (chuckles to himself)
Local teen: "Yeah, the Redskins had two good players. But then Sean Taylor got shot and Clinton Portis started to suck."

After the jump, cops in the know, the coming tourist onslaught, and crowns.

Keep the overheards coming in. It's tourist time, you know what that means. Overheardindc (at) gmail (dot) com

Photo by ellievanhoutte

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A lot of somethings

Morning on the down escalator at the Chevy Chase Crystal City Metro:

A family of tourists had just been asked to stand to the right so that commuters could continue walking down towards the trains.

Woman to husband: "They know something we don't know…"

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That's what the shitologists say, at least

At Rocket Bar in Chinatown

A girl goes up to the bouncer, rifling through her purse to find her ID. She slips down to one knee and her companion asks if he can help her:

"Nah, I'm ok. Women have an evolutionary ability to hold shit and do shit at the same time."

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Nobody wants to know about your equestrian tendencies

In a downtown office building:

Two men and a woman get on an elevator.

Woman to the men, mid-conversation: "...I told her, 'We're having company over! At least put the riding crop away!'"
One of the men: "Yeah."
Woman: "I mean, what two consenting adults do in their home should be no business of their house guests."
The other man: "Mmm."

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I thought, like, after the first time it doesn't count

Near the Verizon Center:

Guy to friends running across the street: "Who knew you could get 2 DUIs in one night?"

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Zamunda.

On the red line to Shady Grove:

A late-30's man is sitting by himself, wearing a golden, bejeweled crown, looking like he's had a long night. Some drunk girls are sitting a few seats away, loudly whispering to each other:

Drunk girl #1: "Costume party?"
Drunk girl #2 shrugs
Drunk girl #1: "Or maybe he really is king of something!"
Drunk girl #2: "I think if he were really king of something, he would have a nicer crown."
[pause]
Drunk girl #1: "Maybe he's the king of cheap crowns."

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She's a good ventriloquist

On the Mall, 3 pm last Sunday:

Girl in her twenties to a friend: "No way I would bring my kids here. I wouldn't even bring myself here."

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Not the first problem I think of regarding the Columbia Heights Giant.

Sunday, at the Columbia Heights Giant:

A twentysomething male waiting in the checkout line puts down a copy of Life and Style with Nicole Richie on the cover:

"Man, this is bullshit. Where's US Weekly?"

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Who says cops don't know D.C.?

Outside the baseball Stadium Opening Night:

Young cop to fan crossing the street on his way to the game: "I heard the food lines were crazy last night."
Fan: "Just at Ben's Chili Bowl."
Cop: "Yeah, I heard they opened a second one of those up on U Street."

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Get ready to hear a lot more of this kind of crap.

A family of tourists standing outside the Archives on Sunday:

Dad points at the Archives: "That's where they keep the Declaration of Independence"
Son stares at him blankly
Dad: "You know…from National Treasure"

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We're going to see a lot more of this in next few months also.

Metro Center, 5:30 pm on Wednesday:

Red line train is jam packed and one of the two doors on the car did not close on it's own.

Conductor: "Customers, please stand clear of the closing doors."
[door tries to close and fails]
Conductor: "Customers, please stand clear of the closing doors or this train will not be moving."
[door tries to close again and fails. repeat. repeat.]
Conductor: "Customers, if a door is not functioning, please try to close it."
Woman: "Oh man, this is like a newscast waiting to happen!"