June 2, 2008
What's That You Say?
Bonjour, our sublime commentariat. It's time to call roll on our favorites from your last week of home-cooked pronouncements.
The D.C. Council might want to allow "lunatics" to marry, but Timmy Tucker thinks the language just needs some small modifications to bring it up to date. Thankfully, he decided to share these suggestions with us - it's our Comment of the Week:
I think the legal definition of "lunatic" should be derived from it's original application. That is:
Lunatic -lu·na·tic- noun: one who is affected with periodic insanity, dependent on the changes of the moon, thus causing them to cease walking while on the left hand side of the metro escalator, when emerging from the Metro system and being confronted with the moon. Other common afflictions of "lunatics" include irrational merging while driving one's horseless carriage on I-395, and paying $20 to visit the Newseum.
After the jump: fireworks, Jan and Dean tributes, and your lengthy additions to our ways not to be that intern.
Photo by noahdevereaux.
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connie dobbs seems to be assisting in writing possible scenes for a Coen Brothers film set in D.C.:
I envy that motorcyclist in a way, not that I want to die a horrible death or anything, but there's something about that overlook section of GW Parkway north of Spout Run, with all the pretty views. You can see the Potomac River, waaay down there, through the trees, and it looks so quiet and tranquil you just want to turn your car off the road and glide down to join the ducks in the water off Roosevelt Island.
But then, I think that I would probably hit a tree on the way to the water which would ruin the whole experience. And, get a fine from daycare for not picking the kids up on time.
Here's wishing the biker had a nice ride. Skaal!
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Well, at least we can talk about something as seemingly innocuous as fireworks without involving race and class issues.
Ah, scratch that.
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Yeah, if these qualifications for "dating" stick, we're all in trouble - as blittle ably points out:
Goodness, if all it takes to be considered dating is to stand next to someone, then I must of been involved in several gang bangs this weekend. The SO is going to be soooo pissed.
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RAMMYs poster design - unintentional and non-gender specific (yet name-appropriate) innuendo or neat graphic? You decide.
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Mannequins Love that Joker! (At least according to Vaughan.)
ha! i was thinking she looked like someone jack nicholson attacked in the first batman (well, like 12 batmans ago, the tim burton one) while michael keaton looked on with furrowed brow.
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Megan Carpentier got the ball rolling with her 10 tips on how not to be that intern, but you guys were good for like 23 more.
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Er, maybe we can craft a new line item in the DCist budget, Cranky. Of course, we totally reserve the right to sue you if you're comments aren't finished "on time."
This is inspiring me: I should be rewarded monetarily for my hard work. In addition to my salary, I should receive regular bonuses for finishing projects on time, dealing with idiots, and giving it 110%.
Of course, I also shouldn't be spending so many hours posting on DCist. So maybe that's why I'm not getting any money awards at work.
Can I demand some monetary reward from DCist?
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You're with us in thinking the ICC is definitely not awesome.
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Hey, guess what? D.C.'s the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
It's only fair that our ambulances fall into line.
AMDCer meanwhile shows that nothing really ever changes:
Ambulances: the more things change the more they stay the same...
About 20 years ago a friend of my brother's broke his arm while arm wrestling at a bar. When someone tried to call an ambulance everyone agreed it would be faster to get a cab, so they did. That's a pretty sad commentary on DC emergency services.
Cekrypton1 certainly has a horror story to share:
Re; the ambulance story. I had a friend who was in med school at GU and did a weeklong ambulance ride along in the District. They got called to a heart attack one night and hauled the guy down to the ambulance and once loaded, the EMT quit CPR. My friend was appalled and when he objected, was told, "Son, this man was dead when we picked him up and he'll be dead when we drop him off." 30 seconds before they reached the hospital, the driver knocked on the partition and the EMT in the back hauled himself up with a deep sigh and started his CPR/resuscitation efforts again, so he was fully engaged when they opened the doors in the ambulance bay.
Lesson: Drag yourself over the District line!
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See, Reid, this point doesn't result in making more money (as RecSpecs points out). You know that doesn't fly with the cab drivers.
So let's say that the average cab gets about 20 miles to the gallon and that the average price of a gallon right now is about 4.00. That one dollar "surcharge" is basically paying for 5 miles worth of gas. I doubt the average cab ride is anywhere near 5 miles.
Even if it is over 5 miles, the logic behind the surcharge is faulty. The idea is that since the gas prices are high, passengers need to chip-in more. But let's say the price of gas has jumped a buck from whatever the Commission would consider the base (a clearly faulty concept in the first place). That would mean your extra buck is actually buying an extra 20 miles worth of gas over what the cab would normally take-in.
This is legalized gouging. Clear and simple.
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Mmm, chocolate-covered bacon. (Everything goes with bacon.)
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The Magical World of Monkeyrotica rears its ugly head once again.
This week's episode: Frank Winstead (and the best Simpsons episode ever, in our opinion).
Can they skirt around the the Bench Tax by putting up a hammock swing? Because a homeless guy in a hammock swing is actually pretty cool. There's four places you can get them. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third. There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There. That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third. Y'know, the hammock district?
I'm constantly amazed at the level of horses**t small business put up with in this town. I'm reminded of the story of The Giving Tree, about the tree that gave and gave and gave until all that was left was a stump. And then DCRA passes a Stump Tax and Frank Winstead shows up with his Snidely Whiplash moustache and ties the stump to the train tracks, complete with upright piano peril music banging away.
"Will none of the knaves eating my bread rid me of this meddlesome priest?!"
To be fair, the Winstead hate was fairly ubiquitous in that thread.
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How about we round this thing up by giving out some tasty awards?
This week's winner of the Avatar Award for Achievement in the Field of Avatars is none other than LegalMoose, whose still frame will allow us to link to more quotes from popular animated series. "What's Moose Stuff?" Ahh, classic.
Oh, yeah, and Username of the Week. All right, it goes to mrmoonpie_dc. I suppose we should just be glad you didn't call yourself "mrwhoopiepie_dc." That'd be strange.
As always, send in any submissions for awards to dcist [dot] wtys [at] gmail [dot] com.
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That blank canvas need more blank.
You need to appreciate the brush strokes that the artist didn't make!
And I see the gallery took down the "NO SPITTING" sign. A bit irresponsible, don't you think?
Well, that was unexpected. Yay me. :-)
The lunatic is in my head. The lunatic is in my head. You raise the blade, you make the change, you re-arrange me till I'm sane. You lock the door and throw away the key. There's someone in my head but it's not me.
I was (and still am, in many fora) simply "mrmoonpie," but the klugey comments registration system somehow locked me out of that account. I still revel in the kudos. Here's me, sitting at my desk, revelling in kudos.
You've got kudos bars at your desk? Sharies, dude, sharies.
Hey, thanks Aaron! I do like the Coens' ouvre. I'll hum me some old-timey music next time I'm driving past that overlook.
No offense to Mr. Moon Pie, but whoopie pies are a superior snack cake.
there should be an award for username/avatar collaboration. 1st: flapjack.
and, great to link to monkey's profile instead of pick just one comment gem