June 6, 2008
Overheard in D.C.: The Coming Tourist Plague
Making fun of ignorant tourists is the oldest thing in the D.C. book, aside from maybe complaining about the weather or comparing the city to New York. There's the old Metro shenanigans, getting buildings confused, dumb questions, fanny packs, on and on. But just because we've heard it before, doesn't mean it won't make you smack yourself in the head. And today it's a double whammy.
Overheard of the Week
On the Red Line:
Tourist girl, loudly: "Hey! Where's that tall pointy thing?!" (looks at metro map) "Oh, Smith Stadium!"
Friend: ".....Smithsonian."
(silence)
Tourist girl: "Does this thing go to New York City?"
After the jump, blacking out, non-doctors, missing the point, STDs, and more classic tourist dumbosity.
Hear good stuff? Don't forget to send them to overheardindc (at) gmail (dot) com
Photo by runneralan
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Surely she is referring to a charismatic church service. In Adams Morgan. On a Friday night.
Friday at Calvert and 18th Street:
A girl sitting with group of friends on the stoop: "God blacks me out for a reason."
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The employee must have been a chiropractor
At G Street Hour Eyes, 1 p.m. on Thursday:
Customer: "I know you guys have optometrists, but do you have opthamologists?"
Employee: "No, ma'am, they went to school."
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Yay environment!
At the Bed Bath and Beyond in Columbia Heights:
20-something couple are checking out at the register. 20-something sales girl ringing them up. One big bag is already full and there's one more large object to go, but it has handles.
Guy: "Don't worry about bagging that. We'll just carry it...no need to waste another bag."
Sales Girl: "Oh, OK. Or I can just put it in your other bag. And double-bag it for you."
Blank stares all around.
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Another tourist classic
On the Mall:
Women, to a group of kids, while pointing at the Capitol: "Do you know what that is?"
Kid 1: "Is that the White House?"
Women: "Yep!"
Kid 2: "Whoa, that's really the White House? Cool!"
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The weekly "yikes" overheard
At the Brookland Metro, last Thursday morning
A little girl, probably 7 or so, to her mom: "You'll know who I am when I passin' out $20s."
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Most devoted boyfriend ever. Seriously, someone watch a football game with him or something.
Leaving Sex and the City at Gallery Place on Sunday night:
Boyfriend to his girlfriend: "I'm going to smell like estrogen for days!"
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That's a stereotype we hadn't heard before
Outside Aroma in Cleveland Park:
Early 30s guy on his cell: "You definitely have an STD dude... you definitely picked up
something."
...pause...
Guy (matter-of-factly): "Yeah, well that's what you get for dating a girl from rural Maryland."
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For some reason, the White House/Capitol tourist confusion thing never gets old.
I liked Sex and the City better when it was called Laverne and Shirley.
Squiggy is such a Miranda.
Passing out $20s?
i mean, jesus drank wine, so clearly god is okay with people getting drunk and blacking out, and he does have a reason for everything.
and i've heard that rural maryland stereotype before.
I bet that girl came from Scaggsville
Uhhhhh ... what/where's rural Maryland? I might be from there. YIKES!
Calvert doesn't hit 18th street. Just saying.
Does anyone get their kicks pointing tourists in the wrong direction if they bother you for guidance?
No? Just me? heh.
I saw a tourist do a face plant on a Segway in front of the Old Executive Office the other day, and it was not pretty. Those wacky tourists!
I once caught a dose of Waldorf from a girl who gave me Indian Head. I was peeing fire for a month. Seriously, nearly burned the goddamned house down.
Monkey,
All you have to do is rub some Oxon Hill on your Upper Marboro and you will be Accokeek in no time...In the meantime, I have a wedding this weekend, so I will be off shopping at Beltsville and Suitland.
HA! Joke's on you. There is no shopping in Beltsville or Suitland.
Now, what you want to do is take a fisful of acid and go to Lidsville. Now that's a vacation. And say hello to Butch Patrick and Charles Nelson Reilly when you get there. If you still have your head.
Wow, the overheard of the week just kills me with laughter.
I like blaming the weather on tourists from NY.
I had some havre de grace but I got some cream for it.
And there's only one known cure for Zekiah Swamp Butt, and it involves fire and quicklime.
Take a dip in my Golden Beach and get me a Mechanicsville for my La Plata.
Am I the only one who thinks the Delmarva Peninsula looks like an uncut dong? Yes? Alright then.
And you don't know what I caught off the Big Assawoman Bay.
Well, that's what happens when Cockeysville visits Scaggsville...bad case of Timonium.
So, I was fooling around with Laurel, but once I got out the White Oak and was ready to Linthicum, she tells me that South Laurel's gone all Redland this week. Darnestown!
If you guys would keep out of the Brandywine you wouldn't be quite as tempted to move to Scaggstown.
Accident on Der wood?
y'all are reading wayy too deep into that STD thing. everyone knows maryland is most famous for its crabs, straight up.
I like to think I'm a pretty nice person but when people (tourists) stand on the left side of the escalator, I WANT TO HURT THEM.
where's flapjack? i know she has to have a comment on this one!