July 23, 2008
Novak Hits Pedestrian; It's Not Joe Wilson
The Politico is reporting that conservative commentator Robert Novak -- known variably as the "Prince of Darkness" or the "Douchebag of Liberty" -- was cited for hitting a pedestrian with his Corvette in downtown Washington today:
A Politico reporter saw Novak in the front of a police car with a citation in his hand; a WJLA-TV crew and reporter saw Novak as well. The pedestrian was hospitalized but there were no details about the person’s condition. Novak was later released and left the scene.WJLA has a video interview of Novak at the scene. There's something mildly hilarious and reassuring in seeing Novak emerge from the back of a police cruiser, isn't there?“I didn’t know I hit him,” Novak told Politico. Novak said he was a block away when a bicyclist stopped him and said, ‘You hit someone.’ He was cited for failing to yield the right of way.
Though his run-in isn't nearly as shocking as exposing the name of an undercover CIA agent in a nationally syndicated column, it's still somewhat serious. The paper goes on to report that Novak is known in these parts as an aggressive driver:
In 2001, the longtime political columnist cursed at a pedestrian on the corner of Pennsylvania and 13th St., NW, for allegedly jay walking.Since we assume most DCist readers are compassionate but also don't run the country, make sure to let Novak know what you think of his driving skills next time you see him zip by in his Corvette. We propose a simple, "Learn to drive, [bodily orifice]!"“’Learn to read the signs, [bodily orifice]!’ Novak snapped before speeding away,” according to an item in the Washington Post’s Reliable Source column.
Novak explained to the paper: "He was crossing on the red light. I really hate jay walkers. I despise them. Since I don't run the country, all I can do is yell at 'em. The other option is to run 'em over, but as a compassionate conservative, I would never do that."
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Too bad the roles couldn't have been reversed.
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i think pretty much anyone who drives a Corvette has douchebag written all over them.
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he almost hit me (i was on my bike) about a year or so ago when he was exiting thomas circle onto massachusetts ave. wasn't driving fast or anything, he just probably didn't see me.
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I guess Novak's vision sucks in daytime? How else can he explain he didn't know he hit someone? At least based on the eyewitness account in the Politico story. I think if someone rolled off my windshield I'd notice. Maybe he was deep in thought.
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Go cyclist!
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add "I didn't see him" to the list of lies...
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"Douchebag of Liberty" is my new favorite variation of "douche," replacing "douchewaffle."
Thanks, DCist, for making my cursing more colorful!
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It's hilarious that crotchety old windbag Novak drives a Corvette. Is it a convertible? If so, I'd be concerned about a serious combover stability problem.
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He almost hit me near GW's MPA Bldg as he was pulling into the underground garage (back when 'Crossfire' was taped there). Aging man in a lipstick red Corvette with the top down just screams...small penis
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MrTinDC, he's overcompensating for a lack of anatomy.
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"He's not dead, that's the main thing..."
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Satan has some column inches waiting for the Douchebag of Liberty when he arrives in Hell.
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So let me get this straight, an unknown individual has been struck by an automobile. The condition of this unknown individual is unknown, and Martin Austermuhle, DCist, and the rest of the commenters here react with smug glee.
Call not to see for whom to call a douchebag, the douchebag is thee.
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[picture caption, complete with "air quotes"]
I didn't "hit" anyone. THEY hit me!
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Call not to see for whom to call a douchebag, the douchebag is thee.
Who's the more douchebaggy: the douchebag, or the douchebag who calls him out on it?
(The correct answer is "the original douchebag." Also, Han shot first.)
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Guest Guest. All you gotta do is click the links. From the Politico: "The pedestrian, a 66-year-old male, was hospitalized at George Washington University Hospital with minor injuries according to DC Fire and EMS"
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MikeB, but that isn't really important here, is it?
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I'm going to make a point of walking up 18th Street to work now, in the hopes that Mr. Novak tries to run me over. You know what I do when a car invades my rightful walking space? I kick it, or if it's a rainy day, whack it with my umbrella. The police explained to me the other day in downtown SS that I can't go around kicking people's cars just because they make me mad, and I know the police have to say that, but secretly they're with me. How many people have you seen stopped by the police for running through a crosswalk? It's up to us pedestrians to dish out our own brand of justice.
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I'm making a hand gesture consisting of all fingers folded over, except for my thumb and index finger, which are extended, and held approx. 1-2 inches apart...
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I thought the pedestrian tag would lead to a comment about how Novak is elitist... Sigh.
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Novak is probably a douche, but jaywalkers don't exactly deserve the key to the city.
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I'm with timtheviking2. What we need are pedestrian vigilantes doling out sweet juicy street justice.
Ever since Poverty Pimp and Touchy/Feely White Liberal joined the civil servant's union, their commitment to crime fighting has fallen while their commitment to 2 hour lunches and sick leave has tripled.
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MikeB, but that isn't really important here, is it?
Hey, you brought it up, so I'm letting you know the condition of the guy. But if your point is no one here should be snarky comments about Bob Novak because he's a fantastic writer who never makes a mistake and loves puppies and babbies, then say so.
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Neither do douchebags who can't be bothered to read the story, RyanK.
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"I kick it, or if it's a rainy day, whack it with my umbrella."
Personally, I like to spit on them. Because hey, if they complain I'll just say "I swear officer, I just didn't see him there."
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This kinda crap is only going to get worse as more decrepit, senile batfart boomers retire yet continue to terrorize everyone with their insane driving antics, perpetual left turn signals, and stench of Ben Gay and failure. Yet Fenty continues to refuse to go to the roof of city hall and light the Poverty Pimp signal (silhouette of huge-brimmed feather hat and crunk cup).
Horrors! Penile challenged pundit pounds pedestrian!
Yet our pimped-out pair of heroes is nowhere to be found?
Will he keep his pimp hand strong in time to rope this renegade Republican?
Tune in tomorrow! Same Pimp time, same Pimp channel!
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MB - That's half of the story, the other half is that he has been rude to jaywalkers in the past. I'm neither in favor of hitting people who aren't jaywalking nor cursing at those who are. That being said, jaywalking is without a doubt a problem in this city (and probably every other).
Not sure how I'm a douchebag, but maybe you can clear that up.
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He is a big Terps fan. FREDTERP
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Its easy to judge another for his actions but trade places for a moment: you have a 2:00 interview at CNN so you can tell Wolf Blitzer how the Mccain campaign played you like a fiddle and you just ran out of your favorite eyebrow dye. Now try to keep your focus on the road.
Oh. And the photo above? I would totally hit that.
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You need to start carrying around your pet egg. It might "accidentally" "fall" out of your hand and hit the car. (Egg on car paint -> not good) And you can sue pain and suffering over the death of your pet!
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Anyone want to have some fun? Go see Bob Novak at the garage at 1700 Pennsylvania Avenue. He owns a spot there because it's convenient for any White House visits. Feel free to let him know how you feel!
P.S. David Gregory frequents the Starbucks right next to that garage. Also free free to let him know how much he sucks.
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You need to start carrying around your pet egg. It might "accidentally" "fall" out of your hand and hit the car. (Egg on car paint -> not good) And you can sue pain and suffering over the death of your pet!
I'm a traditionalist: I have a pet rock. Ok, it's actually a half of a cinder-block. Spray painted day-glo orange.
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According to the Washington Post article, he was issues a $50 citation. Is that all? I get parking tickets for twice that, and this jackass hits a person and gets a $50 ticket?
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"Call not to see for whom to call a douchebag, the douchebag is thee."
Self-righteousness, thy name is Guest Guest.
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No kidding - a $50 ticket?? He should be charged with hit and run. If he honestly "didn't know" he hit someone then he should have his license revoked for being too senile/blind to drive. According to a witness the guy hit the windshield, for christ's sake!
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Go cyclist!
Oh, yeah! Somebody send David Bono flowers to put on his desk next to his big brass balls! This guy plants his bike in front of Novak to keep the a-hole from getting away. Probably not the smartest thing in the world to do, but the boy has chutzpah! And BIG balls!
Fenty, give him the key to the city!
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Cause Novak could not stop for you
He got a token fine
His Corvettte held but just himself
A douchebag most sublime.
He quickly drove, he knew such haste,
And you he put away
Your labor, and your leisure too,
For his incivility.
(To the tune of Yellow Rose of Texas)
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seriously. i think i'm a little in love with bono. rowwrr. that's my kind of take-charge, kick-novak-ass cyclist.
this bono wasn't wearing any strangely chartreuse tinted ginormous sunglasses was he? nah. this bono would squint into the unforgiving sun without eye protection.
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Novaks fine just shows you what a mockery our democracy has become.
Viva plutocracy!
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"P.S. David Gregory frequents the Starbucks right next to that garage. Also free free to let him know how much he sucks."
A bit off topic, but am I the only one who thinks David Gregory resembles a 7 foot tall Muppet?
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