July 31, 2008
Craigslist Perv Spotting Continued...
Many of you pointed out in the comments that the re-posting of the Mt. Pleasant assgrabber rant on Craigslist has also been flagged for removal. What's wrong with you, Craigslist community?
To make up for it, here's another gem, courtesy reader Matthew Mateo:
Virginia License Plate JLP 2948 - Honda Accord - w4m (Sterling, VA)Surely at this point there is a market for a blog devoted to collecting all the "Gotcha, Perv!" posts on Craigslist, a la m4intern. Get cracking, internets.Yesterday, the drive home at 5:00 p.m., intersection of Nokes Blvd and 28.
You: Late 30s, early 40s, well dressed, sitting in the left lane on Nokes Blvd waiting to take a left onto Southbound 28. As you sat in your car jerking off, you glanced over at me with that knowing look, that "hey, my junk ain't in a box" look, that car salesman swarmy look to see if I was watching you.
Me: Throwing up in my mouth and writing down your license plate number to call the cops. You're a fucking turd.
Photo by soleil1016
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Nothing turns a woman on like being groped on the metro or seeing a guy jerking off. These guys must get all the ladies with those moves.
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Right. You know, we repeatedly re-post these things here because, well, everything that appears on cl is honest and factually correct and nobody would ever put someone's license number on there if they weren't, say, acting out of revenge or some other malicious intent, or because maybe they need lots and lots and lots of cyberworld attention.
So much for a healthy dose of skepticism. How soon will Rupert Murdoch be buying gothamist?
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Can we please have an "Overperved in DC" column, please? I'll start:
Yesterday in front of Adams Morgan Safeway.
You: Late 40s, ratty beard, soiled "Cuidado! Christo es mas Grande!" teeshirt, sitting on curb grabbing your crotch at passing women, and making vulgar gestures with your tongue.
Me: Using you as the protagonist of my novel, "Love in the Time of Clamydia: An Erotic Thriller."
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If you were stuck in VA rushhour traffic... I mean, well, wouldn't you? No? Oh, sorry... well at least it was in his own car (which is technically personal property in VA), and not on the Metro...
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This is just asking for some online vigilantism. Kinda reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode where a woman ran to her husband saying she'd been raped. They tracked the guy down, the husband kills him, and when the crowd gathers, the hysterical wife starts pointing at men at random saying that they were the ones that raped her.
And by "Twilight Zone episode" I mean "yesterday in front of the Orange Julius."
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Where the hell is Nokes Blvd and 28th? Is that in Southeast?
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Monkey, that was actually from Hitchcock Presents, the very first episode. It had Aunt Bea in it. I love mes Hitchcock.
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Monkey got a ref wrong? I don't believe it.. it must be wikipedia that's wrong.
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Thanks, KrazyK. I knew I'd blocked it out for a reason. It had poor Aunt Bea in it. Same thing with that episode of M*A*S*H where Mclean Stevenson dies in the helecopter, or the All in the Family where Edith almost gets raped. Just too traumatic.
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Monkey's mess up is probably due to the Potapacolypis infecting the city as we speak.
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"Where the hell is Nokes Blvd and 28th? Is that in Southeast?
I'm going to venture a guess and say Sterling, VA, since that's what it says in the post.
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Well, that's Sterling for you. Crime-ridden third world sh!thole that it is.
In all the years I've lived in DC, I haven't once seen some guy whacking off in their car. Blowjobs on the last car of the Metro, yeah. Backyard crack-for-sex, sure. Crowded subway or nightclub frottage, certainly. But not once have I seen someone drive competently.
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wow I almost feel like I'm missing out, I've never seen any bjs on the Metro or guys jacking off in their car... does seeing a woman peeing at the intersection of Montrose Rd and Rockville Pike during rush hour traffic count for anything?
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Can we retire both 'threw up in my mouth' to describe feelings of disgust and 'I love me some..[object of affection]'? Is it 2004 again? Is Lindsay Lohan is delivering a Saturday Night Live monologue?
Time to move on.
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Oh, jeebis, where haven't I seen people peeing in DC? Rhode Island Metro platform, Stanton Park, outside the shoe repair store at 13th and U. This has got to be one of the most weak-bladdered cities on the east coast, with the possible exception of New Haven. Best place so far was actually on the potato chip rack at the bodega at 18th and Florida. I didn't bother to figure out what the guy was on. And that stretch of Florida between 16th and 17th has always been something of a "knob-gobbler's lane." Quiet, secluded, that big wall on the north side. A guy can lean back and really focus his concentration. You don't have the damned busdriver yelling at you, or nosey kids axeing what dem crazy white folk be doin back dey.
Anyway, I wouldn't go so far as to call a pre-op transsexual "a woman."
Not yet, anyway.
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I probably should have posted something like this 2 years ago.
You: Late 50s, greasy hair and beard in a stain crusted t-shirt and poop stained pants lying in the New Hampshire entrance of Washington Circle around 11 am with hand in pants making pants move all around.
Me: Coming back from the gym, spotting greasy man thinking, I will just walk around the circle to avoid any kind of "Silence of Lamb" moment.
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Thank you boondoggle.
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i have had the unfortunate experience of running into a guy getting a blow job from another guy in logan circle, and only a few months ago, not back in the good old days before the circle was colonized by the dog people.
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Only a matter of time before you run into a guy giving his dog a blowjob. Those dog lovers really love their dogs. Not wisely, but too well.
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ewwww that's an image I did not need in my head, thanks monkey. But it does bring to mind a line from the greatest movie of all time involving cross dressers and Dan Marino:
Melissa: You really love animals don't you?
Ace Ventura: If it gets cold enough.
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Don't blame me. That was straight out of the little known sequel to the Frank Sinatra classic, "Come Blow Your Horn." Talk about a missed opportunity for a franchise.
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I was pretty impressed when I saw a man getting a BJ under an overpass in broad daylight. Good times...
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Still, you can't top that rimjob the Council gave Major League Baseball. That stadium is even shaped like a butthole.
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Yeah, WTF gives with that post getting flagged for removal twice??? I think the number of flags it takes to bring a post down must be really low.
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The Soviets had their Babushki, and now we have our CL vigilantes. Don't get me wrong, I salute the deserved beat down of the a-hole who grabbed the woman in MP. But random guy jerking off in his car... meh. It's sad and pathetic behavior, sure, but not frothing at the mouth and posting license info material.
Geeze. First GPS-enabled turtles narcing out pot in the park, and now witch hunts on commuting exhibitionists. Relax and give the high horse pony a chance to rest.
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"This has got to be one of the most weak-bladdered cities on the east coast, with the possible exception of New Haven."
Without a doubt. A couple of months back, I saw someone peeing on the sidewalk strip between the main lanes and service lane at K St and Conn. Ave., in broad daylight, twice in the same week.
And other than DC, New Haven is in fact the place I most associate with urban public urination.
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hand in pants
As long as we're sharing, my wife and I once ran afoul of an early-evening masturbator on the sidewalk near the CD Cellar in Arlington. But he wasn't being shy about it. Pants were down, junk was out. I'm not sure yet whether it had anything to do with CD Cellar. Or Kitty O'Shea's, for that matter.
My name is AT. Thanks for listening.
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I was walking with a friend in Foggy Bottom a few months ago when we saw a guy not only jerking off, but coming as he pulled up to the stop sign at 19th and Eye. I thought he was having a seizure until he looked out the window, grinned, and gave us a thumbs-up.
Ew.
This guy was driving an SUV, though. Maybe they're friends.
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SWEET. it's like a new kind of missed connection.
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Isn't this what we get for not cycling to work? It's obvious this 'victim' was just a greedy world-spoiling whore who deserves everything she gets while she sits in her cavernous Planet Killer.
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there should be a 'overseen on craigslist' section here. i want to control this. i am a see-ell-aholic