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Morning Roundup: Black Friday Edition
Ice cream, doughnuts, pizza. This summer's giveaways have been taxing on our bodies, but today's heart-clogging bargain may really take the cake. The Cheesecake Factory is celebrating its 30th anniversary, conveniently scheduled on National Cheesecake Day, by offering slices of any of its 30+ cheesecake variations for $1.50 all day long (limit 1 per guest). Since the offer is for dine-in guests only, don't expect to waltz out of the Factory gorging on cake without first sitting down and perhaps navigating through their encyclopedic menu. On the other hand, the large discount on the typically $8 slices may make a lunchtime foray worth it.
The mall-friendly chain restaurant can be found in the Chevy Chase Pavillion, White Flint Mall, Tyson's Corner, Fair Oaks Mall, and Clarendon.
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Free chili dogs at all Hard Times with purchase tomorrow.
Well, at least three-out-of-six of those locations are Metro accessible. So you fatties can indulge with a minimal carbon footprint.
Also, for a place with "cheesecake" in their name, their is surprisingly blah. Apart from it being bigger than your head, I don't know what all the fuss is about.
have we had a beerocalypse yet? i feel like there should be more if we have...
Every day is Beerpocalypse, if you're a homebrewer.
Pornpocalypse already hit Japan. Only a matter of time before our aging boomers catch on.
mmmm, beer...
it's a good thing I don't like cheesecake or restaurants with 20 page menus
"minimal carbon footprint"
Yes, but after their meal, my methane footprint is huge!
When did Cheesecake Factory cut it's menu down to 20 pages? Last time I checked, it was the size of the Delaware phone book. With two of those, a guy could bludgeon an army of zombies, which comes in real handy in White Flint Mall.
It may have cut down its size to 20 pages, however 14 of them are still considered "Specialties". Last time I checked the "Specials" were the crap that the restaurant couldn't sell earlier...
You'd never have this mega-menu problem at the International House of Twatwaffles, where all you get is a single-page laminated menu on which are printed the words "Your Momma" in the Ransom Note font.
it might be longer than 20 pages but it's so dark in there that by the time I reach that point I have an enormous headache from eye strain
The hipsters who either don't have the guts to live in NY or couldn't hack it there are out in force this morning! How dare you mention the Cheesecake Factory! How dare you mention White Flint! Don't you know, everything in the world revolves around 6 blocks in Columbia Heights! Everything else sucks and everyone else is fat, or a tourist, or a fat tourist!
I'm still waiting on the Tequilapocalypse and the tendercutofbeefpocalypse. By tendercutofbeef, I mean young latin men.
I still say the cheesecake is better at the Texas Cheesecake Suppository. They use 100% real toe- and dickcheese. None of this processed "frankenfood" cheese "product." And nothing goes better with their bottomless Tex-Mex "Crotch-o's" than a tall frosty Bubblegum Mugarita.
The generous portions at the Cheesecake Factory ensure our future as predicted by the film Wall-E is well on its way. Pass the fettucine alfredo, my glucose levels need topping off.
sometimes, monkey, you really manage to gross me out. this is one of those times.
Sometimes?
I think the closest thing to beerpocalypse were the specials for Belgian independence day.
The hipsters who either don't have the guts to live in NY or couldn't hack it there are out in force this morning!
Has there been any discussion of further updating the DCist addendum to Godwin's Law to include derisive mentions of hipsters?
Oh hell! I live in Friendship Heights. . . I think I'll just sleep at work tonight to avoid this.
~EEE~
That's it I'm sure of it now. DC wants to make me fat.
And for the record, since I'm trying to not be TOO snarky. . . I don't actually hate The Cheesecake Factory, just the ridiculous crowds associated with it. Ok, the portion sizes are a bit silly, too, since even the damn salads are enough for two meals. When it comes to chain restaurants, though, there are MUCH worse offenders.
So yeah, the cheesecake ain't bad, but personally, I'd rather just spend a bit more and get cheesecake from Morton's. They ship that sh!t in from New York, and it's all the bliss of NY Cheesecake, without the Chinatown bus trip to get it. I just make sure to eat dinner elsewhere, because I'm not made of money.
~EEE~
i guess they don't have a website, but you want cheesecake, there is only one place worth going to:
the pocono cheesecake factory.
on route 611, between mt. pocono and tannersville, pa.
word.
Beerpocalypse is in Octobber....Cap City's Oktoberfest in shirlington...$15-$20 for 60+ tents of delicious beer....If you hit every tent your a champion...and an alcoholic.
You want fantastic cheesecake, take a look at the Nuns of New Skeet. Those ladies know how to make a cheesecake even if it is pricy. It is heavenly in more ways than one.
Any news on Colonarypocalypse at Taco Bell? It's impossible to find a Chilito in this jerkwater burg.
They used to have a real beerpocalypse at the Vegas Lounge from time to time. No cover plus Free beer from 7-9, you just had to watch the show... which on the wrong night was payment enough.
I said vegas lounge. I meant the Velvet Lounge.
I spotted a 250 lb woman in lime green stretchpants. Does that count as Rearpocalypse? Because it sent me into a Tearpocalypse and I nearly had to Steerpocalypse into an embankment.
I spotted a 250 lb woman in lime green stretchpants. Does that count as Rearpocalypse? Because it sent me into a Tearpocalypse and I nearly had to Steerpocalypse into an embankment.
That just send me into a fit of Tearpocalypse at my desk. Watch out, monkeyrotica, or I'm going to go into Careerpocalypse here, and I'll have to pull a Disappearpocalypse on you.
Also, can we change "Overheard of the Week" into "Overhearpocalypse" in honor of this post? I think it better suits the way I feel when I watch tourists in their green stretchpants and fanny packs point at the Capitol and yell "look, it's the White House!"
I declare Junkpunchocalypse!
Tonight, I'll be standing across from Mazza Gallerie, junkpunching everyone coming out of The Cheesecake Factory. And Maggiano's, just because.
~EEE~
Monkey stop hanging around my office building
when the monkeyocalypse happens, will we all be raptured away, or just him?
How do you know he's not the rapturer, not the rapturee?