August 1, 2008
Overheard in D.C.: Strange Relationships
Relationships are hard. They're fun, they're weird, they're sometimes awful. For some reason, a bunch of overheards recently deal with male-female relationships. Maybe it's the birds and the bees, or the ridiculously hot weather and humidity just do something to people. Not always good somethings, though.
Overheard of the Week
Walking through Dupont Circle:
Young female professional talking very loudly on her cell:
"I can't believe you are seeing someone who beats people with a bat then robs them!"
After the jump, scary stuff, interesting proclivities, vampire jokes, and cute kids.
Hear stuff? Send stuff. overheardindc(at)gmail(dot)com
Photo by marcellina3
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Bad luck-slash-terrifying
Sunday evening in Cleveland Park:
A group of 20-somethings walking together.
Girl: "Yeah, I don't know what (name's) deal is. She bought her wedding dress before he proposed to her. That just seems like bad luck or whatever."
Guy: "Totally."
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That's a new one.
Two 20-something white guys on the patio at Ghana Cafe:
Guy 1: "She's really cute and we had a cool time, but she's monolingual."
Guy 2: "Yeah, that sucks. Too bad."
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I vant to suck your stradivarius.
At Metro Center:
Two violinist buskers, a man and a woman, in between tunes.
Woman turns to man and says enthusiastically, "I wanna be a vampire!"
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No quip needed.
Near the National Mall a few weekends ago:
A man is walking with two women, both missing teeth and speaking with country accents.
Man: "I think he's afraid of me."
Woman: "He better be afraid of you, he knocked up your daughter."
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Worst pickup line ever?
On a crowded elevator in a House office building:
A guy is making polite small talk with a girl about how her weekend was.
Girl, a bit into the story: "I went to the Nationals game this weekend, and I was stupid and wore jeans even though it was really hot. At one point I went to the bathroom, took my pants off and just stood in the stall with no pants for a while."
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She also asked directions to the nearest jet fuel Hummer dealership.
At Walter Reed Army Medical Center:
Officer: "Ma'am, gas is cheaper in town than it is on base."
Lady in car: "I know, but my ex-husband is paying for it and this is the most expensive I could find."
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Not really germane to the topic, but damn cute.
A woman having a conversation with another woman's 2-year-old:
Woman: "So who do you want to be president?"
Two year old: "OBAWMAH!!!!!"
At least seven people on the train: "Yaaaay!"
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Worst pickup line ever?
Yeah, because guys hate it when women take off their clothes in public places and then are willing to talk about it later . . .
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that picture: the waitstaff at junkpunchers? they appear to be armored against any potential punch-backs.
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Evidently, the Walter Reed woman wasn't aware of the Watergate Exxon. Anyone able to illuminate that situation? It's even more confusing given the Chevron a stone's throw away that's 20¢ cheaper a gallon.
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I'm pretty sure they're the Capitol Area Budokai. They are not the people with whom you f**k. I've seen them shove a cherry blossom sapling up a man's a**, break it off, then bow.
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I was totally on that same train with the OBAWMAH! kid. Then he and his older brother were yelling about who could spot the Obama Plane first as we passed DCA. Everyone sighed and swooned when it came into view. I turned my iPod up.
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A man is walking with two women, both missing teeth and speaking with country accents.
Man: "I think he's afraid of me."
Woman: "He better be afraid of you, he knocked up your daughter."
The back story is that they were missing teeth on account of trying to knock ME up. You'd better be afraid, old man!
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"both missing teeth and speaking with country accents"
And what, pray tell, is a 'country accent'?
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Tarnation, ah rekon it's when them there hayseeds done use words lahk "ma'am" an' "y'alls" what make them city folk feel all high an' mighty. Well, ah'd just like to see them take a lick at catchin them Duke boys.
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i get the feeling that country=southern for purposes of this overheard...
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Well, "northern country" would imply the sort of retarded patois they speak in Fargo or Portland, ME, where they talk of "penny canday" and "lutefisk" and "anal fisting." Ya, youbetcha.
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What about the Lukoil in Georgetown? Price gauging anyone?