August 8, 2008
Overheard in D.C.: Taking Things Literally
Maybe Washingtonians (or just me) are cruel, but sometimes befuddled tourists are hilarious. Standing around scratching their heads, looking at a map, asking dumb questions, and the like. Sure, it's cliche, but sometimes it is awesome. And kind of sad.
Overheard of the Week:
At the Rosslyn Metro at 8:30 a.m. during morning rush hour:
Tourist family crams into a very crowded Metro car as the doors close.
Mom: "Wow, we actually made it! Wait, where's Grandma?"
About 7-year old son: (points at platform) "Over there."
Mom: "Oh no! We forgot Grandma! We need to go back. What are we going to do?!?!?! Grandmaaaaaaaa!"
Mom (angrily, to son) "I thought you were holding her hand."
Son: "You said to get on the train. So I let go of her hand and got on."
After the jump, D.C.-specific conversations, messed-up parties, and less-than-concerned grocery store employees.
Photo by Samer Farha
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Branson, Missouri is gonna be crazy this weekend!
In an elevator downtown a few days ago:
Girl 1: "I can't believe how empty the Metro was today!"
Girl 2: "It's so weird!"
Girl 3: "Uh, you do know Congress is on vacation, right?"
Girl 2: "Really?"
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Only in D.C. Or maybe in Nerdland.
A college-aged couple walks around Washington Circle on Sunday afternoon:
Girl, angrily: "...and that's just BULL SHIT!"
Guy, testily: "Honey, I'm not getting into another debate with you about the gold standard..."
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Good thing it didn't say Foggy Bottom
On the Blue Line:
A teen is looking at the electronic sign indicating the next stop.
"Why does it say 'Rosslyn'? I know the driver didn't name the train 'Rosslyn' or something."
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But it's organic
At Whole Foods on P Street, 7 p.m. on a week night:
Man: (to himself) "Dude!"
Man (to Whole Foods employee): "Dude, there’s like a fucking huge cockroach over here."
Whole Foods employee: "Okay."
Man: "Just thought you should know.. that sucker’s huge. Shit."
Silence. Whole Foods employee walks away.
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Sounds like something Prince Harry would do.
In Burleith:
Group of about 6 college age kids walking home from a night out.
"I mean, seriously, who comes to a party in blackface?"
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America! Fuck Yeah!
At the Lincoln Memorial at night:
A family is crossing the street.
A dad to his about 5 year-old son: "You see, in this country we have democracy, but in other countries, they have Allah."
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He's not wrong
By the National Building Museum:
A police car, ambulance, and fire truck pull up and the cop walks up to a one-legged homeless man standing on crutches and addresses him by name.
Cop: "We had an emergency call that you fell."
Homeless man: "I got one leg."
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And the Professor Genius Award goes to...
At the Potomac Yards Barnes & Noble:
Mid 20s girl looking at books with her friend: "So, um, is non-fiction real or made up?"
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This is what happens when you sell food that's free of growth hormones and pesticides: fucking huge cockroaches.
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i get where that tourist kid is coming from. you gotta look out for number one.
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I guess that's what happens when you put a seven-year-old in charge of another human being
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Throw Grandma from the Train.
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I like the made-up non-fiction question. It reminds me of a question my Fox News-watching mother-in law asked while we were listening to NPR: "Is everything they say true?" I guess if you watch enough Fox News it's a fair question.
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Priceless!
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We need the person who did the "no Rapture" stickers to do a special "Don't leave Grandma on the Platform" edition.
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The best Overhead in DC in months!
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Very good edition. Totally renews my faith in humanity being utterly screwed by the vast numbers of stupid people walking the earth.
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I've had that "gold standard" argument before, except in my case, it involved the Queen being behind the international drug trade and Walter Mondale being a Soviet agent.
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That's actually Whole Foods' Cockroach du Jour
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Reminds me of one (not nearly as good) that I heard last night...
(A woman carrying a baby comes into a restaurant, with her husband following behind.)
Woman (turns and notices her husband is empty-handed): Honey, the other baby is still in the car.
Husband: Oh yeah. (turns around and heads out)
The woman then gave us a look like, "Oh, aren't men silly?"
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Frankly, with the rash of false memoirs that have been coming through, the last one is a decent question.
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That Paris Hilton memoir gave me a rash, too. No amount of Tilex could get it off my junk.
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Monkeyrotica, I bet a visit to Junkpunchers could straighten that out for you. Or at least take your mind off the issue.
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Note to college-aged dude in Foggy Bottom: Don't date Paultards.
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I know one kid who won't be getting a check for ten dollars when his birthday comes around.
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Unfortunately, by the time the family returned to the Rosslyn Metro station, there was nothing left of Grandma except a pile of chicken bones, some poo, and a soiled linen napkin.
No one spoke on the long flight back to Oxnard.
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sounds like the annapolis party bus has moved to virginia.
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This is several weeks old and I meant to send it in when it happened but forgetted. Unfortunately the following exchanged is slightly paraphrased as I lost the sheet on which I wrote it down.
I rang up a married couple at my J-O-B. When the man reached for his wallet he realized it wasn't quite as full as he thought it was:
Husband: "Did you take my money?"
Wife: "Yes."
Husband: "How did you do that?"
Wife: "Honey, I'm your wife, I know how to take your money."
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that cockroach must have been offended.
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that cockroach must have been offended.