DCist: Morning Roundup: Something Fishy Edition

indiecognition

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:21:28 -0500

Shit! I think I need to switch my vanity plates from SU1CDBOM to something more innocuous...maybe PMPN8EZ?

Disco Stu

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:17:10 -0500

Monkey, you're a font of knowledge this morning! Finally, a good use for my Brita!

OldPosterKnownAsCranky

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:31:10 -0500

There's a joke waiting to be made for using Crisco plus friction heat.

monkeyrotica

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:13:03 -0500

The only showers I take are golden ones. And I still smell better than most of the people on the H2 Crosstown bus.

Wizzyliz

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:03:55 -0500

I haven't showered in years and I drink Schlitz. Life is good.

monkeyrotica

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:52:07 -0500

There's a whole slew of contaminants and pesticides that Brita won't filter. They are, however, perfect for turning cheap vodka like Velikoffs and Comrade Quick-e-Mart into top shelf hooch like Ketel One.

Lau

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:45:47 -0500

Brita must have made a killing in 2003. My understanding was that every residence with high lead levels got a free Brita from the city - we sure did. Of course, it turns out Brita only filters out a certain percentage which means a certain percentage of the city is still getting blue gums and mentally handicapped children. Nice going, DC.

hillrat

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:44:14 -0500

@cranky - Try Crisco, it has a boatload of off label uses including lotion and "personal lubricant".

monkeyrotica

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:37:41 -0500

OldPosterKnownAsCranky

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:36:43 -0500

@Hillrat - I've tried lotion and it doesn't help much. I go anywhere outside DC and my hands are fine. As soon as my hands touch DC water, it's like fish scales form on them to protect them from the water.

KrazyKat

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:28:44 -0500

Maybe if the water quality was better, the men in this town wouldn't have to smell like they swam in Axe. Trust me, those commercials are not reality.

Boomhauer

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:22:28 -0500

When the city is built on a swamp, why do people complain that what comes out of the taps tastes like taint sweat?

KrazyKat

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:16:31 -0500

You can also buy filtered showerheads, which helps when the water smells very much like pool water. However, DC water is so hard, that the effect so filtering water only go so far.

Reid

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:11:17 -0500

What an enormous waste of money. It's so simple: 1. Terrorists are evil. 2. The Devil is evil. 3. Therefore terrorists = the Devil. 4. Maryland drivers = the Devil 5. Therefore Maryland drivers = Terrorists. 6. Therefore all we need to do is pay some kids (or some kids we're already paying, who by the way probably actually live in Maryland anyway) to sit on Eastern, Western and Southern Ave. and point out the cars with Maryland plates to Homeland Security. Said car occupants can then be given a cushy ride on a Jetstream straight to a random Middle Eastern country of their choice to get waterboarded until they reveal where in Cheverly the other terrorists are hiding. The thing is, that'll still be more enjoyable trip than their average commute.

hillrat

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:08:55 -0500

@cranky Not to be too much of a dick; but they have this crazy stuff now called "lotion", you should investigate. It's been quite popular with us brothas for years now.

OldPosterKnownAsCranky

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:05:06 -0500

DC water bleaches the hell out of my skin. It makes it dry and scaly. Totally kills my game when my hands look like I regularly bathe them in battery acid.

monkeyrotica

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 09:57:09 -0500

Helped out in the community school cleanup a few years back. After repainting the walls for a couple hours, I went over to the water fountain and pulled the lever. A stream of warm liquid the color of milk drizzled out. At that point I began to appreciate DC's fondness of alcohol and why its conviviality set in at such an early hour.

JustASmallTownGirl

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 09:49:16 -0500

Maybe DC could take the money they are spending on scanning our car tags and make the water more drinkable. Of course, it could all be part of a master plan to keep the terrorists out. Who wants to live in a city where the water smells like a hotel pool?

freshyill

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 09:42:25 -0500

DC water is undrinkable. I came here from New York, where it was actually very, very good. I worked in Jersey City, and I thought the water there was bad, but DC is far worse. You can drink straight tap water in New York. Brita must make a killing in DC.

monkeyrotica

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 09:31:50 -0500

The chlorine is to deal with the "excessive turbidity." Which is latin for "tiny little balls of feces in the water." Don't knock that third arm. I've been drinking DC water for years and my prehensile penis is as strong as ever. I can even use it to grab a whole case of Depends from the top shelf of the CVS. Old folks are really grateful, before they run away screaming.

KrazyKat

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 09:25:50 -0500

Sure DC water is safe to drink, if you want to have 2 headed babies and grow that 3rd arm so you can scratch you butt while walking down the street. I just love in the spring, the overwhelming smell of chlorine in the drinking water. People wonder why my teeth look so white. Yum!

monkeyrotica

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 09:19:55 -0500

I think DC's finally making progress on the violent crime front when all the stabbings/shootings are in Fairfax, Langley Park, and Temple Hills. The DC Summer Jobs Program finally seems to be paying off! That's $32 million well spent!