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Morning Roundup: Rain Won't Go Away Edition
Good morning, Washington. One of the Post's top local news stories this morning is about how the District's newly renovated National Aquarium uses elaborately filtered D.C. tap water to fill its tanks. Apparently the aquarium held a pretty funny press event recently where the director of biological programs told reporters that "D.C. water is abominable," prompting his boss to reassure everyone that it's only dangerous to fish, not to people. Looks like we should schedule a visit to the often neglected aquarium, if not to check out what they've done with the place, then at least to get some more refreshingly honest quotes from its employees.
License Plate Scanners to Target Terrorists: One of the weekend's biggest pieces of news is that a chunk of the D.C. metro area's federal homeland security grant will go toward using license plate scanning technology to help fight terrorism. No word yet on when D.C., Virginia or Maryland will begin issuing special "I'm a Terrorist!" vanity plates to make the whole process that much more effective.
Police Looking for Escaped Teen Prisoner: Seems like authorities have nobody to blame but themselves for not having 17-year-old Gerald Long in their custody. The teenager appears to have escaped twice in just about a week, one time at BWI, while he was being transferred from the D.C. Department of Youth Rehabilitation Services to a secure treatment facility. The teenager was also arrested in Seat Pleasant last Saturday, but "either escaped or was released," because Seat Pleasant police did not know that Long was wanted by the MPD.
Briefly Noted: Two police officers injured in car accident in Northeast ... Customer injured when car drives into Rockville 7-Eleven ... Woman, child stabbed in Fairfax ... Off-duty PG County officer fatally shoots man in Langley Park ... Four people shot near a nightclub in Temple Hills.
Photo by Dan_DC
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I think DC's finally making progress on the violent crime front when all the stabbings/shootings are in Fairfax, Langley Park, and Temple Hills.
The DC Summer Jobs Program finally seems to be paying off! That's $32 million well spent!
Sure DC water is safe to drink, if you want to have 2 headed babies and grow that 3rd arm so you can scratch you butt while walking down the street.
I just love in the spring, the overwhelming smell of chlorine in the drinking water. People wonder why my teeth look so white.
Yum!
The chlorine is to deal with the "excessive turbidity." Which is latin for "tiny little balls of feces in the water."
Don't knock that third arm. I've been drinking DC water for years and my prehensile penis is as strong as ever. I can even use it to grab a whole case of Depends from the top shelf of the CVS. Old folks are really grateful, before they run away screaming.
DC water is undrinkable. I came here from New York, where it was actually very, very good. I worked in Jersey City, and I thought the water there was bad, but DC is far worse.
You can drink straight tap water in New York. Brita must make a killing in DC.
Maybe DC could take the money they are spending on scanning our car tags and make the water more drinkable.
Of course, it could all be part of a master plan to keep the terrorists out. Who wants to live in a city where the water smells like a hotel pool?
Helped out in the community school cleanup a few years back. After repainting the walls for a couple hours, I went over to the water fountain and pulled the lever. A stream of warm liquid the color of milk drizzled out.
At that point I began to appreciate DC's fondness of alcohol and why its conviviality set in at such an early hour.
DC water bleaches the hell out of my skin. It makes it dry and scaly. Totally kills my game when my hands look like I regularly bathe them in battery acid.
@cranky
Not to be too much of a dick; but they have this crazy stuff now called "lotion", you should investigate. It's been quite popular with us brothas for years now.
What an enormous waste of money. It's so simple:
1. Terrorists are evil.
2. The Devil is evil.
3. Therefore terrorists = the Devil.
4. Maryland drivers = the Devil
5. Therefore Maryland drivers = Terrorists.
6. Therefore all we need to do is pay some kids (or some kids we're already paying, who by the way probably actually live in Maryland anyway) to sit on Eastern, Western and Southern Ave. and point out the cars with Maryland plates to Homeland Security.
Said car occupants can then be given a cushy ride on a Jetstream straight to a random Middle Eastern country of their choice to get waterboarded until they reveal where in Cheverly the other terrorists are hiding.
The thing is, that'll still be more enjoyable trip than their average commute.
You can also buy filtered showerheads, which helps when the water smells very much like pool water. However, DC water is so hard, that the effect so filtering water only go so far.
When the city is built on a swamp, why do people complain that what comes out of the taps tastes like taint sweat?
Maybe if the water quality was better, the men in this town wouldn't have to smell like they swam in Axe. Trust me, those commercials are not reality.
@Hillrat - I've tried lotion and it doesn't help much. I go anywhere outside DC and my hands are fine. As soon as my hands touch DC water, it's like fish scales form on them to protect them from the water.
For the last time, DC was NOT built on a swamp. It was however built by the Illuminati on a convergence of lei lines around a locus of morlock/chud/Bunnyman/Goatman activity.
Also, The Dreaded Cthulhu's Sunken Crypt of Abominations has been traced to the mensroom in MLK Library, third stall along. The presence of The Elder Ones can be felt/smelled immediately after the Chili Cookoff. IGNORE THIS WARNING AT YOUR PERIL!
Totally digging on those gold lamé American Apparel leggings. If you fart, will it make a bubble?
@cranky - Try Crisco, it has a boatload of off label uses including lotion and "personal lubricant".
Brita must have made a killing in 2003. My understanding was that every residence with high lead levels got a free Brita from the city - we sure did. Of course, it turns out Brita only filters out a certain percentage which means a certain percentage of the city is still getting blue gums and mentally handicapped children. Nice going, DC.
There's a whole slew of contaminants and pesticides that Brita won't filter.
They are, however, perfect for turning cheap vodka like Velikoffs and Comrade Quick-e-Mart into top shelf hooch like Ketel One.
I haven't showered in years and I drink Schlitz. Life is good.
The only showers I take are golden ones. And I still smell better than most of the people on the H2 Crosstown bus.
There's a joke waiting to be made for using Crisco plus friction heat.
Monkey, you're a font of knowledge this morning! Finally, a good use for my Brita!
Shit! I think I need to switch my vanity plates from SU1CDBOM to something more innocuous...maybe PMPN8EZ?