Some Govt. Activities Are Well Lubed
Congress has probed the Interior Department and come out with hard allegations that members of the department have gotten drunk, used drugs and had sex with officials for the oil companies they allegedly regulate. The reports charge that those responsible for dictating where the oil companies can drill have let the drillers take them to parties at hotels and received their illicit gifts.
The government receives and resells a percentage of all oil drilled by the companies who explore America's wells. Those in charge of receiving this "payment in kind" have been smoking marijuana. They must have thought they were supposed to collect payment in kind. That still doesn't explain why our oil regulators were selling each other cocaine and sex toys.
On the bright side, this story has a refreshing twist on gender roles. Usually with these headlines, we would expect the oil companies to have provided female companions for their male regulators. In fact, at least two of the regulators who liked to party with the oilmen were female. While we'd love to have a government where important decisions were made soberly, and in offices, we're still glad to hear that the ladies are getting a piece of the action.
The scandal has touched off a wave of giggle-worthy coverage, with foreign and domestic media posting pictures and videos of oil drills in action. The New York Sun's headline included the sly pun, "Interior Department Officials Probed." Their article went on to include the salacious quote, with minimal context, "Sexual relations with prohibited sources cannot, by definition, be arm's-length." Far be it from us to quibble semantics.
Photo by KB35, used under a creative commons license.
If that isn't gag-worthy enough for you, read on. While the investigators have compared the environment at Interior to a fraternity house, the comparison is not, in point of fact, entirely accurate. Fraternity houses are places where young people making a transition toward adulthood explore their budding sexuality in an environment largely free from responsibility and consequences. Two of the subjects of this congressional probe have already escaped the possibility of termination from their compromised positions in a way that is not traditionally available to young people. They retired.
While the AP and the major news networks have been quick to uncover specific details from Interior's Denver office, all the reports mention that officials in Washington were involved. We'd certainly like to know how deeply and how high up that involvement thrusts. It has long been a generally held American belief that officials of our government were in bed with members of our oil companies. We'll keep you posted as we learn more about which officials were in which beds with which members.
Meanwhile, as we wonder how high this goes, we'll have to content ourselves with a mixed metaphor authored by Sen. Bill Nelson of (D-Fla.), who reminds us that, "we must not allow big oil's agenda to be jammed through Congress." Ouch.