October 3, 2008
Overheard in D.C.: Normal Everyday Conversation
Here in D.C., you hear a lot of talk about specific bills on the Hill, economic minutiae, and world politics. The level of discourse is usually much higher than, say, Peoria. But sometimes there are things that just stick out. See it, say it.
Overheard of the Week
In Crystal City:
An early- to mid-40s male walking down Crystal Drive, talking on a cell phone:
Guy, loudly into the phone: "(Name), the weapons are fine..."
(pause)
Shouting into the phone while holding it in front of his mouth: "I SAID THE WEAPONS ARE FINE! THEY ARRIVED SAFELY!"
After the jump, chocolate, more things you probably shouldn't say, and poop.
Keep the overheard pipeline flowing - overheardindc(at)gmail(dot)com
Photo by andertho
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No check for your birthday
Near Dupont Circle:
Guy on cell phone: "Did they sell their house?"
(pause)
"Ohhh, they COULDN'T sell the house!... Yeah... That makes sense! Ain't nobody can't get credit now, ho!"
(pause)
"Wait, I didn't mean to call you a ho, grandma..."
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My shirt was on right side out!
Outside of DCUSA in Columbia Heights on a Saturday morning:
20-something girl is walking down the street talking on her cell phone:
"Oh my god! I had like the best walk of shame ever this morning!"
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But I haven't even told you where.
In an elevator:
Guy 1: "Yeah I need to shave, but it will take me like 14 hours... Hey if I pay you 100 bucks will you shave me?"
Guy 2: (Immediately) "No way."
Guy 1: "Not for 100 bucks?"
Guy 2: "No way man."
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Bigger than a breadbox made out of weed?
On the S2 bus on 16th Street one Friday morning:
A middle-aged woman talking on her cell phone: "So how much exactly is 30 grams of coke? What would you compare that to size wise?"
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Ooh girl!
On the Metro
Woman to her friend: "My boyfriend likes me so much he got me Go Diva chocolates."
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Just don't ask them about weapons in Crystal City
On the 9A bus leaving the Pentagon:
Guy 1: "I'll tell you how it got started, she was joking with my boss..."
Guy 2: "She was juggling your balls?"
Guy 1: "No, she was JOKING with my BOSS. And she was like, 'Let me borrow a
pair of your underwear...'"
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A week without dumb tourists is like a day without sunshine
Around 8:30 p.m. outside the White House:
A family peers through the White House fence. The teenage boy has a disappointed look.
Teenager: "So where's the Liberty Bell at?"
Mother shrugs: "I dunno."
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Insert drilling joke here.
Inside a federal building:
Female exits the restroom and runs into a friend in the hallway: "MAN! I'm so out of energy, I just took a huge dump!"
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Two points. I was not shouting. And by "arrived safely" I meant "only two missiles were missing." It's contractor jargon.
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30 grams is a little over an ounce, and it's about as much as two fingers in the bottom of a plasti... Oops.
I mean, I dunno. Now where IS that Liberty Bell?
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Is Chekov still waiting on those nuclear wessels that are coming from Alameda?
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more background on the walk of shame comment would be helpful...makes me laugh for some dumb reason
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What? Girls don't poop!!!
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they poop alright. rainbows and unicorns
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Hey, grandma could be a ho, just how often do you visit anyway?
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Not to take the fun out of it, but I'm willing to bet the weapons quote is from an Arena employee while they're temporarily in Crystal City
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I'll bet it's the guys working at Kabob Palace on Eads Street. They can sell all the missiles they want on the side. Just keep that sweet, sweet Peshawari Lamb Karahi coming my way, boys. And don't skimp on the kubideh.
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I sympathize with the woman who's pooped out.
(rimshot!)
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The Liberty Bell quote reminds me of a really bad Marion Barry joke. I'll post it if you haven't heard it or can't figure it out.
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Well, the tourists are sort of right...There's a replica between the WH and Treasury...off limits to dumb tourists though
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I'm waiting for the week when BOTH halves of a cell-phone conversation are submitted by different people.
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C'mon Mr. Krinkle, tell us the joke....
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For some reason the Go Diva chocolate comment cracked me up. I just go a funny mental image of that scene...lmao
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For some reason the Go Diva chocolate comment cracked me up. I just go a funny mental image of that scene...lmao
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"So how much exactly is 30 grams of coke? What would you compare that to size wise?"
Only about 2-3 inches, I think.
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Okay, this was told to me by a homeless guy.
Why did Marion Barry go to Philadelphia?
He wanted to get all of the crack in the Liberty Bell.
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I imagine about the size of a racquetball if it's solid.
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Ah, more bon mots from the best and the brightest (of Lower Slobbovia or wherever these yokels come from).
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Whats the best nation in the world?
a DOnation - give me some money