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People do a lot of dumb stuff. Standing on the left side of the escalator, hiring Jim Bowden, smoking crack in a hotel room with a hooker, wearing white shoes after Labor Day. Sometimes it seems that people in D.C. are pretty good at making bad decisions, be they tourists, politicians, government types, or the person running across the street through traffic. It can be refreshing when they make good ones — bike sharing, good happy hour deals, Metro being open later on weekends. Sometimes, however, good decisions come from bad stuff.
Overheard of the Week
At the CVS near the Washington Navy Yard on Tuesday:
A middle aged man puts mouthwash, Vaseline and condoms on the counter. He asks the attendant for a pack of cigarettes. While she's getting them, he pulls out his wallet and removes a credit card.
Clerk: "Will that be credit or debit, sir?"
Man: "On second thought... maybe I'd better pay cash."
After the jump, cereal, advice, and elephants.
Like humans with food and water, Overheard must have submissions to survive. Send them to overheardindc(at)gmail(dot)com
Photo by Sexy Fitsum
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I'm on the Fruity Pebbles diet
In an apartment building lobby:
A 20-something girl on the phone: "Yeah, I tried that for like three days, but then I realized I don't like cereal."
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I think this was in Ann Landers
Last Saturday in the Women's restroom at Rocket Bar:
Drunk Girl: "So I told her, remove your vagina, put on a cock and man up!"
Drunk Girl #2: "Totally."
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Very good! You pass first grade current events class.
In an office building cafe in Tysons:
girl 1: "So, wait, what were you watching? The Discovery Channel or something?"
girl 2: "No, it was the presidential debate."
girl 1: "So that's like... McCain? and... um... Obama?"
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Damn racist superhero
On H Street near Gallery Place:
A mother and a little boy wearing an Iron Man mask are walking.
Boy: "I hate Chinatown..."
Mother: "No, it's cool!"
Boy: "I don't want to meet any China people."
Mother: "I guess we'll eat at Fuddruckers then."
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Wait, you pick your teeth with a cigarette?
Outside the Cosi north of Dupont Circle on Tuesday night:
A mid-30s guy to a guy and a girl he was with, as he climbed into his Audi:
"If you've got a cigarette, you don't need a toothpick. And if you've got a blowjob, you don't need a a cigarette."
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Yes, you are practically best friends now
At a house party in Alexandria:
A 20-something is discussing drinking a liquor made from the fruit elephants eat:
"It's so cool to be able to relate to elephants."
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Why do drivers dislike bikers again?
On Bradley Blvd in Bethesda, morning rush hour:
Early 30s male bicyclist commuter yelling at a Prius that just cut him off: "Gas Guzzler!"
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The hazards of being in high school
At the Oakton, Va. high school marching band competition:
Color guard girl: "My flagpole keeps getting caught in my butt skirt."
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Yeah, good luck finding any "China people" in Chinablock, ya little $h!t. And I'm sure they're relieved not to have to look at your fat Tony Stark mask wearing ass. Now, since Fuddruckers is closed, I can either take you to Junkpunchers, or you can go to the "harm-acy" and end up with your teeth kicked down your f***ing throat like the poor bastard in that picture.
Amarula!
omg. Monkeyerotica: your comment just made my day.
I think a doctored version of the CVS poster with the Matt Lauer doppelganger would have been even better.
i'm seeing it more and more....why are people adding an "e" to monkeyrotica?
Yeah. We dropped the "e" from the family name when we migrated from Côte d'Ivoire after the great Banana Famine of ought ten. Great Grandmonkey thought it would help us blend in. That, and wearing pants.
Point of etiquette: is a person allowed to dance around naked with their junk in a white gym sock after Labor Day? Or would a dark sock be more apropos? Also, white gloves and fisting after Labor Day? Anyone? Because I have a...friend...who wants to know, and they don't want to make any more social faux pas like not chilling the salad forks or serving from the left and taking from the right.
Maybe this is more an Emily Post thing.
I just hope the CVS guy isn't using the vaseline with his condoms.
And the extra "e" is for "entertainment", IMGoph!
Amarula=Amazing
And the elephant thing is more myth than fact, but whatever it makes for a good story.
Actually, the "e" used to stand for "eczema" until I found a nice topical ointment. I went through so many salves, unguents, liniments, poultices, and burning plasters before I settled on good old fashioned Bag Balm. Now it only hurts when I ride my Tauntaun over speed bumps and rumble strips. You can't have everything.
Mouthwash Vasaline Condoms
Apples Pins Razorblades
Check!
And here I was thinking you made your poultice out of Vaseline, cigarettes, and mouthwash (for that minty tingle), used a condom as the poultice wrap...and that you paid cash for them.
A middle aged man puts mouthwash, Vaseline and condoms on the counter.
It's funny because a middle aged man thinks he's going to get laid! Haw, haw! Also funny because, as Bethesdaist points out, latex is soluble in vaseline.
As Iron Man’s greatest foe is Chinese, this young man wasn’t being racist but merely staying true to the role. This ability to stay in character will serve him well, whether he ends up in a community theater revival of Equus or as pizza delivery guy #2 in Shaving Ryan’s Privates.
The extra e is for extra pee!
(That's a shoutout to anyone who was watching late-night NYC cable in the early nineties. Is the naked talk show still on?)