November 25, 2008
K Street Bank Robber Seriously Dumb, Missing Underpants
In case you missed the news earlier, that bank robbery that briefly closed K Street near 14th this morning appears to have been perpetrated by someone who is several sandwiches short of a picnic. Early reports indicated that the suspect told a teller at the PNC Bank branch that he had a bomb, received some cash and an exploding dye pack, and then proceeded to hail a cab and asked to be taken to 14th and Euclid Streets NW. But the cab driver, realizing that he had been paid with a fistful of dye-covered stolen dollars, just returned to the bank after dropping the guy off to tell authorities exactly where he had taken him. The Post has a story up now, too, which confirms that the suspect, Francis Clifton Marshall, 43, was quickly apprehended thanks to the cabbie's tip. But certainly the best anecdote from this whole adventure comes from our own reader comments. Says CapitolGal:
I was at 14th and K and even called 911 about this guy. It was quite bizarre. I was shoulder to shoulder with him when the dye pack went off. Red dye gas went everywhere, completely covering me in the red cloud. I ran across the street and called 911. While I was telling them about what was happening, the guy kept digging thru his grocery bag where the red gas was spewing from, and his pants kept coming off -- and he was without underwear!! He ran down K street with red dye gas coming out of his grocery bag and his naked butt kept coming out of his pants. It was truly quite strange, and I seemed to be the only person calling 911 about it, Later, I asked the police outside and they confirmed that it was a bank robber but the officer couldn't tell me if the robber had been apprehended or not.Well hopefully you can rest easy tonight, CapitolGal, knowing that this guy was in fact arrested shortly after committing one of the sillier bank robberies in the city's history. Hopefully he'll get some nice new underpants courtesy the D.C. Jail.
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All y'alls need to quit dissin Francis C. Brotha got more moves than Ex-Lax, yo.
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Hopefully he'll get some nice new underpants courtesy the D.C. Jail.
I'm sure he'll also get some new friends who want to reenact the 'pants vs gravity' scenario, courtesy of the D.C. Jail.
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In these tough times, one has to rob banks to make sure they have money to buy underwear.
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Heh heh. Getting your pants pulled down in jail. Chortle. Smirk.
God bless America and its cherished tradition of prison rape. It's just so ... funny!
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Money to die for.
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At this point in the annals of stupid criminals wouldn't it be easier to list the smart ones instead? Maybe not as funny...
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The irony is that had he merely learned some basic computer and social skills, or worked for one of the major banking houses, he could have scammed much more money off widows, retirees, and U.S. taxpayers. Now he gets passed around like a pack of cigarettes.
Lesson learned: first, get the education, then steal a laptop.
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See, this is why mom always said to make sure you have clean underwear. Assuming you bother to wear it, that is.
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right. note to self: don't go commando when planning to rob a bank.
And I'm curious CapitolGal, did the red dye stick to you? It would kinda suck to just be standing next to a bank robber and get doused with the dye. The less than stellar MPD might think YOU robbed the bank. I'm just saying.
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CapitolGal, you were supposed to tackle him.
Aren't you a superhero? You have a superhero name, so act like one. As of right now, your superhero license has been revoked.
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I'm with WestEnder on this one: rape is something I would not wish on my worst enemy, and this bank robber seems to have been more stupid than vile anyway, as these things go.
(Incidentally, contrary to some of the speculation above, he's probably not going to get issued any underwear in jail. Today's prisons typically allow prisoners to keep socks and underwear they were wearing upon entry, but any new socks and underwear have to be paid for at the commissary.)
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Maybe he thought going commando would make him a better bank robbery strategist?
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Male rape in DC prison -- it's hilarious.