Overheard in D.C.: The Class of 2008
It's arrived, ladies and germs -- time to review the year in eavesdropping. There were so many verbal faux pas this year; alas, we only have time to feature some of our favorite who were part of the exclusive "Overheard of the Week" club. (Of course, you're always welcome to dig deeper into our vast archives anytime you'd like.) So, no further hesitation: here's the best of Overheard in D.C. from the last twelve months.
Overheard of the Year! (August 8):
At the Rosslyn Metro at 8:30 a.m. during morning rush hour:
Tourist family crams into a very crowded Metro car as the doors close.
Mom: "Wow, we actually made it! Wait, where's Grandma?"
About 7-year old son: (points at platform) "Over there."
Mom: "Oh no! We forgot Grandma! We need to go back. What are we going to do?!?!?! Grandmaaaaaaaa!"
Mom (angrily, to son): "I thought you were holding her hand."
Son: "You said to get on the train. So I let go of her hand and got on."
After the jump, the best of the rest, in no particular order, including: Metro, more Metro, and plenty of passive aggression.
Oh, and if you don't like what you see here, listen harder! Remember: you make this engine run. Keep those submissions coming -- send them to overheardindc [at] gmail [dot] com.
Photo by volcanojw.
May 9: Logan Circle Should Be Proud
A man and a woman are walking dogs in Logan Circle:
Man: "You look familiar..."
Woman: "I think we are neighbors. 1st and Bates?"
Man: "Yeah, we live on the 1st street side."
Woman: "Ah, I live near the crackhouse on Bates."
Man: "Can you be more specific?"
Woman: "The RED crackhouse on Bates."
February 29: Was The Wooziness Due To Cursing or Giant's Produce?
Giant Food in Columbia Heights around noon last Friday:
Mom pushing two kids, one of whom was clearly school age. Girl points to cereal box featuring children's book character Arthur the Aardvark.
Girl: "Look Mom, it's Arthur, I love Arthur. I get to read about him in Sunday School."
Mom: "No shit Sherlock, you think I don't know who Arthur is? Bitch. I know who Arthur is. Fuck... Sunday School! Arthur? Bitch."
A church lady witnessing this scene looked woozy after hearing that and ran to catch up with the family.
November 14: Yes, This Is D.C.
Saturday by the Reflecting Pool:
Six-year-old boy: "Daddy, I want to run in the water and catch a goose!"
Dad: "You do that and you'll never get security clearance."
The little boy's face falls and he turns away from the pool.
July 11: Do Those Matter?
At the GW Emergency Room at 4 a.m., from the next bed over:
Doctor: "Do you have any medical problems we should know about?"
Man: "Nope...(long pause)...except Hepatitis C...and I've been shot four times."
September 5: Not Necessarily Mutually Exclusive, Pal
In the 7-Eleven on Fenton Lane in Silver Spring:
A bearded homeless man walks into the 7-Eleven, holds up a piece of posterboard featuring columns upon columns of handwritten celebrity names and random words, and announces to the whole store with a smile, "See?!? I got more to do all day than sit around and jerk off!"
August 29: Metro Behaving Badly, Part I
On the Green Line at Chinatown:
About 10:30 p.m. on Tuesday a guy gets on selling CD's.
Guy in a loud voice: "CDs... DVDs... I got the latest hits. Anyone want to buy some
CDs?"
(Silence)
"CDs... DVDs..."
(Silence)
"I got PORNOS. Get your pornos..."
(No response, a few people chuckle)
"I got MIDGET pornos y'all..."
(Laughter from a few folks, but no buyers.)
"I got midget pornos... Get your midget pornos..."
(Still no buyers.)
"No one wants midget pornos? Alright then, I've got Barack Obama T-shirts, cause it's time for a change!"
(The train erupts in laughter)
March 14: Thousands of Years of Evolution At Work
While walking down King St. in Alexandria:
Well-dressed mid-20s man: "How often?"
Well-dressed 20-something woman: "Once every 2 or 3 days."
Man: "Do you keep track? Do you write it down when you do?"
Woman: "Haha, no. I don't. I just know I only poop once every 2 or 3 days"
Man: "Wow."
Woman: "What? My mom is the same way."
Man: "I poop 2 or 3 times a day. It's great! I love to poop! How do you only do it every 2 or 3 days?!"
Woman shrugs.
(Conversation is inaudible for about 40 seconds)
Man: "Let's go in here and buy a lot of stuff now that we have tons of money."
October 3: Regarding Matters Of National Security
In Crystal City:
An early- to mid-40s male walking down Crystal Drive, talking on a cell phone:
Guy, loudly into the phone: "(Name), the weapons are fine..."
(pause)
Shouting into the phone while holding it in front of his mouth: "I SAID THE WEAPONS ARE FINE! THEY ARRIVED SAFELY!"
October 24: [Insert Georgetown Joke Here]
At the outside bar at Old Glory in Georgetown:
Two mid 20s guys are talking.
Guy 1: "Hey, did you hear that DJ AM and Travis Barker were in a plane accident?"
Guy 2: "No, I didn't know that."
Guy 1: "Yeah, and I think DJ AM just had a kid with Christina Aguilera."
An eavesdropping mid 20s woman grabbing a drink shakes her head skeptically: "No. That's completely wrong."
Guy 1: "What I thought that was the truth! I read it in InTouch Weekly"
The mid 20s girl shuffles away from bar, still shaking her head.
Guy 2: "Can you believe the sluts in this joint?"
January 4: The Damn Inner Monologue Broke Again
At the National Zoo's Outdoor Flight Cage at the Bird House:
Two Mandarin Ducks are perched on the handrail close to visitors who are snapping lots of pictures.
Young dad calls to daughter: "Gina! Gina! Those are the Mandarin Ducks we get at the Chinese restaurant!"
Other onlookers exchange shocked looks.
Young dad turns to others: "What? It's true."
October 17: Now That's Foresight
At the CVS near the Washington Navy Yard on Tuesday:
A middle aged man puts mouthwash, Vaseline and condoms on the counter. He asks the attendant for a pack of cigarettes. While she's getting them, he pulls out his wallet and removes a credit card.
Clerk: "Will that be credit or debit, sir?"
Man: "On second thought... maybe I'd better pay cash."
June 20: Love You Too, Mother
At the Columbia Heights Target:
A 20-something couple are in the closet and storage section. She points to some hideaway bins.
Woman, sweetly and pointedly: "You could put all of your T-shirts in these."
Man, equally as sweet and pointed: "Or you could put all of your fucking winter clothes in them."
January 18: Because, Really, We Can't Get Enough Of The Poop-Related Ones
During a commercial break at the Redskins playoff game Saturday at Chief Ike's:
A partially inebriated 20-something male talking to two 20-something females: "I was so tanked last night that I don't know if I shit in my bed, or if somebody else shit in my bed as a joke. But someone definitely shit in my bed. It was a pretty good party though."