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Overheard in D.C.: Careful What You Wish For
Everyone was excited that President-elect Obama made his first big foray into the city this weekend with a stop at Ben's Chili Bowl. Some were more excited than others. Namely, the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council, who put out a press release hilariously titled, "National Hot Dog & Sausage Council Says President-Elect Obama's Historic Trip to Famous DC Hot Dog Restaurant Reflects Excellent and All-American Taste in Cuisine."
Many people enjoy a good half-smoke after a night partying on U St., but there are likely very few people who believe a preference for half smokes are a measure of "excellent" taste. There's a reason why people love it when they're drunk, and it doesn't exactly require a refined palate to enjoy salty, meaty goodness doused with melted Velveeta. Every 4-year-old I know would eat that for dinner every night if they could, and a lot of those kids like to eat paste and crayons. Not to mention, hot dogs and sausages have their origins in Germany. So using their logic, Mr. Obama might actually have All-German tastes. Sie schmeckt gut!
The release gets even better, declaring that "hot dogs have a rich bi-partisan history" at the White House. There are partisan foods? The only one we can think of is maybe walnuts. Unless they're secretly serving donkeys and elephants...
National Hot Dog & Sausage Council President Janet M. Riley said that Obama's "stop yesterday shows that while the most sophisticated chefs in America may be vying for his palate, American hot dogs and sausages were the 'wieners' this weekend in Washington." Someone's a "wiener" this weekend, but, for once, we don't think it's the hot dogs.
Image courtesy of youbebetty
WASHINGTON, Jan. 11 President-Elect Barack Obama's visit to the DC landmark Ben's Chili Bowl for a half-smoke yesterday reflects his excellent and all-American taste in cuisine.According to National Hot Dog & Sausage Council President Janet M. Riley, "His stop yesterday shows that while the most sophisticated chefs in America may be vying for his palate, American hot dogs and sausages were the 'wieners' this weekend in Washington."
As a result of the stop, the Council is optimistic about hot dog and sausages' potential places on the White House menu. "Hot dogs have a rich and bi-partisan history at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue," Riley said. President Franklin D. Roosevelt served hot dogs to King George VI in 1939. Presidents Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush also served them.
Because President-elect Obama seemed confused about the half-smoke on the menu at Ben's Chili Bowl, the Council offers a clarification about this local DC delicacy. A half-smoke is a sausage that is similar to a hot dog but is larger in size, contains more coarsely ground meat and is slightly spicier.
Given Obama's Chicago home, the Council is optimistic that he will adhere to one of the Councils' -- and the Windy City's -- cardinal etiquette rules: no ketchup on hot dog after the age of 18. Under Council rules, First Children Malia and Sasha are exempt from the ketchup restriction -- at least for a few more years.
For more hot dog and sausage facts and figures -- including the Council's highly rated hot dog etiquette video -- visit www.hot-dog.org or www.YouTube.com/hotdogcouncil.
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velveeta? what the heck are people doing putting velveeta on a half smoke??? chili, mustard, and onions. the end.
God, I think they might have violated the Pun Prevention Act of 2007.
mission accomplished. they wanted to get their name out there, and dcist published their press release.
For the love of God!!! Are we going to be subjected to in-depth reports and analyses of every sneeze and fart from our new President?
God, I hope not, because if so, there's going to be lots of releases each time he eats at Ben's!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
WASHINGTON, Jan. 12 President-Elect Barack Obama's visit to the DC landmark Men's Flatulence Products Store on Pewclid Street reflects his excellent and all-American taste in charcoal-activated underwear.
According to the President of the Odor Preventing Undergarments Manufacturing Association, "His stop yesterday shows that personal hygiene and odor protection is no longer a matter to be 'pooh-poohed.'"
As a result of the stop, the Association is optimistic about preventing gasseous odors in the White House. "We've had eight years of distressing odors eminating from the White House pressroom; it's about time someone opened a window or lit a match."
Given Obama's Chicago home, the Association is sure he's familiar with how "the Windy City" got its name. "People think it's because of the political culture, but anyone who's had an Italian beef sandwich or a Demon Dog with extra onions will tell you different."
For more painful flatulence facts and figures -- including the Association's highly rated Smelliest Restaurant Commode video -- visit www.monkeyrotica.com or www.redtube.com
A half-smoke is a sausage that is similar to a hot dog but is larger in size, contains more coarsely ground meat and is slightly spicier.
Well, "the Council" f**ked up. DC halfsmokes have a natural casing, which gives it the distinctive "snap" followed by the "F**K! MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE!" from the searing hot fat inside. If you want the "straight" story, next time, please consult the other National Sausage Council...IN MY PANTS.
Why y'alls gotta be hatin on hotdogs? Don't hate! So the press release is "riddled" with "puns." It's no worse than sticking "-pocalypse" onto the end over every dcist headline, or trying to get "Zorn" to rhyme with something.
While sausage is closely associated with Germany, it was not invented there. Like many other things, it was invented in present-day Iraq.
Crap - now I really want a hot dog for lunch. Mission accomplished, National Hot Dog & Sausage Council.
Hm. Wouldn't you crap after you had the hot dog for lunch?
hold on here a second.. a press release making boastful and unprovable statements on behalf of their industry!?? holy crap. i am glad dcist has taken the time to debunk the claims of these sausage schills and hot dog hucksters. take THAT weiner people! way to show em, liu! EVERYONE! THERE ARE NO BIPARTISAN FOODS! SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!
...followed by the "F**K! MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE!" from the searing hot fat inside.
Sounds just like the first time I had a drunken order of wings with mambo sauce. As soon as I bit into the first wing, I had a stream of flaming hot fat skeet into my mouth.
There are tons of partisan foods:
Jelly Bellys = Reagan
Brocoli (or the lack of it)= GHW Bush
McDonalds (or anything artery-clogging) = Clinton
Pretzels (or booze, or the lack of it) = GW Bush
Babies = Marion Barry
As for Barry Hussein, maybe the cheese fries and chili will help fill him out a little (who the hell loses weight on the campaign trail?), or the word "smoke" in half-smoke will make it easier for him to quit smoking. If he needs any other faulty reasons to eat stuff that's bad for him, just let me know, 'cuz I have a million of them.
The Count's (Sesame Street) words are instructive for this post:
One, ONE visit from Obama to Ben's. Ah ah ah.
Three, THREE DCist posts on the visit! AH AH AH.
Zero, ZERO news to report! AH AH AH!
(with a tip of the hat to Count Layoffula)
Spectacular.
Count Layoffula from AtL? God, I am officially spending too much time on blogs ("Bethesdaist to TTT")
comment of the day, right there!