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D.C. United Icon Ben Olsen To Retire
A steady stream of articles about the District in the mainstream press has burned one message into the minds of the people visiting the city this week: Go. To. Ben's. This picture was snapped at around 3:30 p.m. today, but it's been more or less the same scene all day since Friday. Says one Charles Strait of Chicago: "I heard about it on the Food Network. I heard it was the best chili outside of Texas. Well, I heard it could rival any chili in Texas." (I don't know about that.)
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"best chili outside of Texas"?!?!? Clearly, somebody was taking an opportunity to fuck with a tourist.
Don't get me wrong- I like their chili just fine, but it's nothing to write home about (or waste hours waiting in the cold for).
Agreed. A little exaggeration.
Well, it's still WAY better than that runny slop they serve in Cincinatti.
I kid! I kid! Cinammon and ground meat were made for eachother! Pour it over spaghetti? Why the hell not! A pound of cheddar cheese on top? Hell, make it two pounds! And a pile of onions while you're at it! I'm not getting laid tonight anyway!
No, no, no. They got the quote wrong. It's the best chili outside of Texas AVENUE . . . down in Southeast.
The fools! Round-the-block lines at Ben's for 72 hours straight can mean only one thing. Don't they know they're straining DC's sewage systems to the limit? The mad fools! Tha toilets, cap'n! They can nay take it any farthar! And yet, WASA's director boastfully claims that "not even God himself can sink our sewage system." I can only hope that raging wall of manure claims him as its first victim. Mark my words, the Great U Street Ca-ca Flood of Ought Nine will go down in the history books. It's in Nostradamus, people!
I've encouraged every tourist I've seen to go to Ben's. When they've asked for directions anywhere, I've pointed them in the direction of Ben's. The White House? No it's not at 16th and Penn, it's actually at 12th and U. This way they'll stuff their fat-as-fuck faces with half smokes and be on the toilet the rest of the stay - NOT on my block or in my Whole Foods buying all my distilled water.
Washington's dirty little secret is that Ben's Chili Bowl chili is canned spaghetti sauce with some sort of mystery meat in it. It's not chili.