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As we write, Ward 8 D.C. Council member Marion Barry is being prepped for an expected 2:30 p.m. kidney transplant at Howard University Hospital. Some of Barry's colleagues on the Council have sent their well wishes to the former mayor.
From Council Chair Vincent Gray:
I am very happy that Councilmember Barry will undergo kidney transplant surgery Friday. He has been carrying a difficult work schedule, undergoing dialysis several times a week and trying to keep up with his Council duties. Despite his health, he has continued to serve the people of Ward 8 and residents across the city well….This surgery literally will give Mr. Barry a new lease on his life, both physically and emotionally. The people he serves and his colleagues on the Council all know of his tenacity and drive, and I am sure he will be anxious to get back to work as soon as possible.
From At-large Council member Kwame Brown:
My family and I would like to wish Councilmember Barry well in surgery and a quick recover….We should also commend the courage of the kidney donor who is making a valiant sacrifice.Brown also encouraged residents to support the National Kidney Foundation, which is sponsoring a free kidney screening from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. at Mount Pleasant Baptist Church, located at 215 Rhode Island Ave. NW.
In anticipation of a successful, even routine six-hour surgery, Barry has actually scheduled a news conference for Saturday to discuss his health. The friend who is donating her kidney to Barry is also scheduled to appear.
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Considering the honorable Ward 8 Councilman's history of poor health, his years of public service, his serial tax avoision, narcotics addiction, convicted felonies, whoremongering, and fondness of the plump cheeks of babies and mambo sauce, I think this is the perfect time for him to step down and "heal" himself. For the good of his constituents and DC as a whole. And this is also the perfect time to announce my intention to move to a culvert in Barry Farms and run for his Council seat.
Now, I know The DCists would agree with me when I say that the Great State of New Columbia cannot afford four more years of Pappy O'Barry! Four more years of cronyism! Nepotism! Rascalism! Of service to the Innarests! The choice, she's a clear 'un: Pappy O'Daniel, slave a the Innarests; Monkeyrotica, servant a the Lil Chimp! Ain't that right, Lil Chimp?
EEP! EEP! [attaches to face, mauls, bludgeoned by shovels, shot]
we might just need to run you out of town on a rail...
good one monkey. nice reference.
I haven't been paying much attention to this... but how did he get a kidney so quickly?
Last time I needed one within a week it involved a Cambodian Hooker and a bathtub full of ice...
It's all pretty well explained here. But to bring you up to speed, Barry had one of his CIA "handlers" assasinate Travis "Oswald" Bickle the Face-eating Chimp in order to harvest his kidney which, it turns out, was actually a bionic kidney that shoots urine at velocities high enough to slice through a commode. In a nutshell. I'm paraphrasing, of course. Anyway, whether he uses that power for good or ill, remains to be seen, but given his voting record, I'd say we're all pretty much doomed. I see a re-energized Barry eventually going back in time to team up with Golden Age Barry and corner the crack, hooker, and kidney dialasis market. I don't think the Super Friends, the Wonder Twins, and Gleep can save us now.
So I'm late to the "bathtub full of ice" jokes... Drat!
This goes a lot deeper then PETA and the CIA. We are talking about extraordinary rendition of human (and monkey) body parts across international borders. (And not flying coach, I’ll tell you.) I'm with Monkey in that we are doomed. With his new bionic kidney, Barry will finally become a force to be reckoned with. The NY Post cartoon only hints at the tip of the iceberg.
It only took 19 years, two months, and two days...but I'm finally getting her back...at tomorrow's press conference, I'll reveal that my new kidney came from Hazel "Rasheeda" Moore - "Bitch set me up" for the last time...
Marion, how nice to see you. Hope the surgery goes well and remember, no liquids or solid foods for 90 days.
May we all please have a moment of silence at 2:30 p.m.? That's the time when I get the results of my pap smear ........ What?!? Why should Barry get all the attention?
The times are suspiciously close to the time of his surgery. “Come into the back room where we can do a full screening.”
The headlines read: Tainted Blood infects Barry!
What follows is a complete news black-out. The news is now flooded with stories of missing DCists. Bodies began appearing along the Anacostia River. Look out! It's Snake Fish Head Vampire Barry and he's on the loose.
Thank goodness we are using Pseudonyms.
I hope he didn't have to pay for the rental kidney he had to use between the time his last kidney was taken out and new kidney implanted.
Somewhere in Mexico a man is waking up in a tub of ice, looking at the large incision in his side..."Bitch set me up."