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Bloomingdale residents have long relied on Scott Roberts's excellent neighborhood news and information email list (email scott (at) scott-roberts.net or apply to the Google Group to get it). Today's email was no exception, even if it revealed an alarming trend. Behold these two separate, and hopefully unrelated postings:
+ See this note from a resident on the 1700 block of 2nd Street NW: "Someone keeps defecating directly in front of my garage. I believe it is happening overnight. It was happening pretty consistently but then it stopped when the weather became cold. I was reluctant to believe that a human could be doing this. I had hoped that perhaps it was the fault of some inconsiderate person not picking up after their dog or that there may be a stray dog but today my morning surprise was topped off with tissue paper so I'm pretty sure a human is doing this. Does anyone have any suggestions of how I might deter this behavior? Has anyone else encountered this issue? Please help." Installing a camera or a motion-detecting light have been suggested.
+ See this 2/8/2009 message from a resident on Adams Street NW, 100 block: "I would like to ask (no plea) with the dog-owning neighbors in the area of the 100 block of Adams Street NW to please pick up after your dog. Someone or a set of pet owners have decided that my yard is free for their dogs to poop in daily without bothering to pick it up. Today it was particularly revolting. Along with this, does anyone have any suggestions on how to deter dogs from yards? I read about sprinkling red pepper on the lawn. I don't want to hurt the dog. It's the owners that I would like to strangle."
Now, requests for people to do a better job picking up after their dogs is nothing new—it's practically the raison d'être of neighborhood email lists in the first place. But human feces is another story. Perhaps poop-scooping and human defecation prevention should be the first item on Bloomingdale (for now)'s neighborhood "broken windows" list?
And if you're ever unsure about what kind of shit you're dealing with, make sure to consult the Washington City Paper's greatest piece of service journalism ever.
Photo by Pak Gwei
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Why is DCist not covering the stimulus bill at all? It has the potential to bring hundreds of millions to DC, yet instead of covering this while it's still being debated we get stories about dog crap in parks. All the while the usual DC-hatin' suspects are stripping infrastructure and job creation projects in DC from the stimulus bill.
Are you covering local news or not, DCist?
Or is it just dog crap in park stories?
Those droppings are the stimulus excess.
Maybe once CNN starts covering dog poop drama in some lesser-known D.C. neighborhood, then DCist can step in and take over writing about the stimulus package.
C'mon man, don't you know that gov't jobs created by the stimulus package aren't real jobs?
sommer: given the amount of urinating and defecating i've seen our bloomingdale drinking team do in broad daylight on first street, i wouldn't be surprised if humans were the culprit here.
don't you all wish you lived in BloMi?
© me, MMIX
damn, aaron, i'm so glad i asked you to come up with it! we've created something beautiful!
;)
In the alley between S St. and Westminster St. NW, we actually had an issue with someone pooping into a bag and then depositing it in our trash can. Despite the fact that, in this case, the culprit was at least trying to be neat about it, our trash can still gave off the distinct (and disgusting) smell of human feces.
MONKEY??????!?!?!?!?!?!
Over the summer, someone took a dump in my backyard. At first I thought it was dog poo, but then I noticed that there was a wad of toilet paper a couple of feet away. I doubt it was a coincidence. It made me sad. Then I thought of 2007 crack-for-sex-in-alley scandal, and I laughed till I peed a little.
Shaw residents have been finding "mad $h!tter" dumps in their alleys and stoops for years, occasionally discretely covered with a Chinese takeout napkin or club flyer. These BloMi johnny-come-latelys think they have it so bad. Get back to me when vagrants are leaving folded origami cranes and handkerchief hats on their night soil. Good day to you, sir!
I think BloMi residents should take their cue from David Vitter and strap on a pair of Depends and roll around in your soil. A lucrative political career awaits!
maybe we could get vitter to be the grand marshal for next year's "BloMi mad shitter" parade...
Laugh if you must, but you can't buy this kind of publicity. It's notoriety like this that will put BloMi on the map. Right there between "Here There Be Monsters" and "Last Exit to Brooklyn."
Bloomie: "Where the tulips bloom in beds of human feces"... I agree it does have a certain "pre-real estate bubble" un-gentrified olde-school charm to it. They could market that "DC as it was back in the late 80's" angle to attract tourists, at least kids from the suburbs on fixies looking for some authenticity.
And I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Shitter....
"Mad $h!tters" have a long, ropy, and brown history. And those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it, usually by having to wipe repeatedly because it still itches.
So, wait, it's a NEW thing that Bloomingdale is awash in feces?
Yeah, it used to be awash in Number Ones. Now it's Number Twos. Add a hail of jumbo slice vomit and you've pretty much got Adams Morgan. Maybe!
At least in Mumbai, India, the defecators literally curb themselves, $h!tting in gutters. It's a little awkward, the first time you see someone squatting at a gutter, but, you know, they gotta do it!
For the midnight browner, I'd recommend highly powered motion detecting floodlights.