Metro's Psychotronic Tendencies Strike Again

Ah, Metro, ye of the fantastically low-budget YouTube videos which have brought us so many laughs in the past -- it's good to see you're back behind the lens. To be honest, I got a little concerned that after producing classics like the stirring documentary about marshmallow Peeps journeying to Nationals Park, an epic homage to 1970s schlock kung fu, and your expose that Joe Biden wasn't standing on the right, things might have slowed down at WMATA Studios.

Obviously, my fears were unfounded.

What seems like a harmless enough reminder of the safety rules in place on Metrorail becomes much more frightening in the hands of a creepy, half-animatronic, three-foot tall flight attendant. "We really don't care what you're having for dinner, or who needs to pick up the kids," the unnamed flight attendant reminds us, as if any of us can actually get cell phone reception in the tunnels.

But look, she's not fooling around. The apparent penalty for eating on the Metro is now an overlay of a red band around your torso and a sloppy editing cut into oblivion as a woman in a pantsuit flails her arms around without reason.

Also: "Be sure there's nothing blocking the doors. We would hate to take the train out of service for door problems because you had your purse or briefcase stuck in the door. Your fellow passengers would not be happy either."

You've been warned. The lifeless miniature flight attendant uprising is on its way. Block the doors...if you dare!