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Most of the time the "stupid tourists" overheards we get are the same old thing -- "gee, where is the Washington Monument" (right behind you); "this FBI T-shirt is so cool" (no, sorry), and so on. They often get obvious things wrong, like calling the Capitol the White House, saying the Washington Monument is where the President lives, the Potomac is the Mississippi, stuff like that. But sometimes, under the idiocy and the fanny packs, there's a subtle point about race in America.
Oh, no, wait, they're just dumb.
Overheard of the Week
At New York Ave .and 15th St NW:
Tourist lady, pointing to the U.S. Treasury Department building: "The White House looks a lot different in movies."
Tourist man: "Yeah, it looks whiter."
After the jump, guns, babies, bleach, and the number H.
Keep those overheards coming: overheardindc(at)gmail(dot)com
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Drinking and spelling: best time ever!!
On a corner in Penn Quarter:
Guy #1: "I guess we could walk this way and look for a bar, or we could get on the Metro and go to a different area...wait, did you bring a dictionary?!"
Guy #2: "Yeah, I did."
Guy #1: "Good, I totally forgot mine. So I guess let's starting walking this way."
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How would they know?
At a swimming supply store in Arlington:
Three teenage sales staff (2 guys, 1 girl) are talking after the girl finished helping a pregnant customer.
Girl: "Awww, babies are so cute. I want one."
Guy 1: "You know what I like about babies? They aren't scared of anything. The only way to scare one is to pull a gun on it."
Girl: "Ohmigosh that is so cruel!"
Guy 1: "Yeah, babies are only scared of guns."
Guy 2: "You should just stop talking right now."
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Busted
Overheard in a House elevator:
One intern to another: "I don’t really like to tell constituents the really crazy stories when I give them tours, but I let some of the other ones go. I mean, when we walk by Charlie Wilson’s office and they get all excited about him being the guy from the movie, I don’t correct them. It makes their tour a little more exciting."
Staffer in the elevator: "That’s my boss, and I really would appreciate it if you wouldn’t do that."
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Yes, built by the Romans.
On Saturday morning near one of the C&O Canal locks in Georgetown:
Tourist one: "Wow, this looks ancient."
Tourist two, completely serious: "It must be at least 1,000 years old."
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If that's the case, I wanna get laid off!
Library of Congress Madison building coat-check around noon:
Annoyed employee to another: "So I was just saying to her, you can't just go and lay somebody off, and then get all surprised when they go out and start robbing people! And then she told my supervisor, and now I'm on notice!"
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Sorry, I don't understand what you are trying to tell me.
Two late 20s guys on the Orange Line around Smithsonian:
"He was a world renowned DJ... he like travels around the world to DJ... like he travels everywhere... to do his DJing."
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Boys are yucky!
Outside the George Washington Middle School in Del Ray:
Two middle school girls are walking to school.
Girl #1: "Have you heard about this pig epidemic in Mexico?"
Girl #2: "Yeah, I heard a lot of people are dying from it."
Girl #1: "Well, I heard on the news that you can avoid getting it if you wash your hands a lot."
Girl #2: "In that case, my brother's gonna die."
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You are correct, sir.
At the National Zoo on Sunday near the hippo habitat. The hippo is defecating.
20-something male to 20-something female: "Aww sick! That's not human."
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It's right after triangle
Outside the Foggy Bottom Metro:
Middle aged woman on cell phone: "H STREET!! It's on H Street, you know, like the number H?!"
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You all really need to get some hobbies or something
A 20-something guy and girl are talking on a condo building rooftop in the afternoon.
Girl: "We had a whole conversation last night about shaving your ass."
Guy: "How about when dude suggested bleaching one's asshole?"
Girl: "I know. Unacceptable."
Guy: "No it's not. The asshole is very important to a lot of people."
Girl: "I feel like that's precisely why you shouldn't put bleach anywhere near it!"
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Hey-o!
On the street in Adams Morgan:
Homeless man #1: "Do you have a sponsor?" (spits)
Homeless man #2: "Yeah, I got a sponsor - his name is Hennessy."
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Why did you put quotes around "stupid tourists?" Are you trying to be ironic? Because it isn't working.
And the only problem with pulling a gun on a baby is that the baby may get the drop on you and pull its gun first. Mexican standoffs with babies never end well. That's because nobody ever believes that a baby would pull a gun on you. Little bald bastards.
And nobody puts baby in a corner!
I feel sorry for GOD. He/She hears all this crap. He/She has agents on Earth that overhear but they forget their duties and become schizophrenic with all the voices they hear.
Hey I know that Charlie Wilson ...he's my parents neighbor back in Ohio. When that movie came out he did alot of local hometown press to assure people he wasn't the same guy as the movie. Ha! lot of good that did. yay interns!
"let's starting walking this way"?
Where were these tourists from?!
bleach your asshole?
Yes! The nudies want their ballon knots to look fresh and crud-free.
Yes. Bleach your asshole. All the celebrities are doing it.
That is, until their rectums imploded.
But I haven't even bleached my balls yet.
Nor my foreskin.
Priorities, people!
That shit was stolen from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I suspect someone has been duped.
Something tells me that "dictionary" is a euphemism for something else.
After having some Ben's chilidogs, I can relate to the hippo poop.
aww, homeless people say the darndest things!
But Charlie Wilson's been out of office for almost 13 years. What's that staffer talking about, "my boss"?
Neither "Charlie" nor "Wilson" are exactly uncommon names . . .
Congressman Charlie Wilson (D-OH)