Reminder: Your Digestive Tract Is Not Made Of Iron
Ah, Krispy Kremes. Anyone insisting that they don't like 'em is nothing but a no good, downright liar. But if you even remotely resemble a Kreme devotee, this was not an encouraging week. After all, when byproducts of pastries that this author himself has eaten for breakfast begin clogging and destroying industrial-grade metal sewers to the point of major leaks, it's slightly jarring. As we noted yesterday morning, the Examiner broke the news that Fairfax County is currently suing the glazier for basically ruining the County's pipes near the company's factory in Lorton. Obviously, the Kremers didn't listen to Mom when she nagged about pouring grease down the drain. (What, just me?)
The Post has a few more details today, including the gory note that the factory has been hauling about 15,000 gallons of waste per day to an off-site waste treatment plant. Mmm.
Yes, it's gross, but is it surprising? Not really -- everyone knows that humans shouldn't eat these things regularly. But for all the easy gastronomical jokes born from news of this lawsuit, I can't help but wonder -- how bad are Krispy Kremes, really? Judging from the nutritional information (PDF), uh, those of you who enjoy an original glazed every other day might want to turn back here.
The Examiner's story noted that the factory in Louton "produces about 83 million doughnuts in a year." For the sake of simplicity, let's assume that every one of those doughnuts are the "healthiest" Kreme available -- the venerable Original Glazed. Under that assumption, the Louton factory pumped out a total of 498 million grams of saturated fat.
Too macro for you? Alright, let's consider the monstrous Caramel Kreme Crunch. Check out this line:
380 calories; 19g fat, (30% DV) 9g saturated fat (47% DV) 49g carbohydrates (16% DV)
Yes, that's one doughnut. But what about the doughnut holes? They must be slightly less bad for us, right? Well, if 5 fewer grams of sodium is going to make the difference for you, then yes.
Am I hypocritically suggesting that we cease eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts? Of course not. But until modern medicine somehow figures out how exchange our tissue-based intestines for something a little higher-grade than Fairfax County's pipes, you might want to just take one, instead of two -- lest you risk your own personal "graphic descriptions of...corrosive damage."