Ballou HS Rocks the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
Morning Roundup: Black Friday Edition
Photo of the Day: November 27, 2009
Caps Thankful for Varly in 2-0 Win
Thanks to This Week's Advertisers
What's up, people? It's time, once again, to venture down comment lane and check out the best and brightest from our post-jump adventures from this past week.
Of course, the big talk this week revolved around the bill recognizing same-sex marriage in the District, which passed through the City Council. Later in the week, Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Congress shouldn't intervene with the new law. All of you (and Jon Stewart, natch) had plenty to say about it -- especially Stanton Park, who delivered this delectably dry exposition on the "sanctity of marriage" in our Comment of the Week:
1. "Sanctity" means holiness, saintliness, or godliness. Being married threfore gets one closer to God. Getting married more gets one even closer still.
Some, like Barry, do it serially. Others do it concurrently (polygamy). The more one gets married, the closer one gets to God. Barry has been married four times, which puts him closer to God than David Catania (0 marriages) and Jim Graham (1 marriage), but further than Elizabeth Taylor (8 marriages; both Richard Burtons count) and way behind Calamity Jane (12 marriages). This is why God-fearing Republicans that love their country divorce so often - so they can marry again. Atheistic Democrats mate for life and will never get close to God.
2. Since gays cannot marry, they cannot get closer to God, therefore they get pushed further away from God. Letting gays marry will allow them to be closer to God, possibly crowding out the straights.
Unless they marry someone of the opposite gender like Jim Graham, which just confuses the issue. Much like the sperm that races all the others to be the first to the egg, every other person around you is a competitor. You need to take every advantage lest the pearly gates close and the "No Vacancy" sign is put out right in front of you.
3. And even here on Earth, allowing gays to marry will impoverish straights ultimately leading to their extinction.
Straight weddings are expensive because straight girls insist on lavish weddings. More marriages overall also increase the total cost of all weddings as demand exceeds supply of hotel banquet rooms. Wealthy gay guys put particular pressure on high-end venues, pushing prices up. (Lesbians are too poor to matter.) Having to fund a larger number of increasingly expensive weddings will put the straights in a state of permanent decline. In a few generations, they will probably die out.
After the jump, there's Obamamania, finding the fun in water main breaks, and your usual awards.
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Those Obamas really like their hamburgers and dates.
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Man, the more I think about this, SomeoneStoleMyScreenNameJason, the more it makes sense.
Does anything *not* happen in PG County? That place is the Florida of the mid-Atlantic.
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Honestly, if the NHL actually did this, NewHCE, ratings would probably shoot through the roof:
A hat trick is when an offensive player takes to the ice wearing a sombrero. As he charges, the goalie thinks 'WTF is Ovechkin wearing a sombrero for?' The offensive player takes advantage of the goalies distraction and scores.
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out_on_an_island had this to say about the Washington City Paper's "expose" on the sexual rules at Catholic University:
Regarding the article about CUA:
1. Why on earth would expect anything different from the Catholic Church? Of course they are going to set rules that agree with their religious doctrine. I mean it's the Catholic Church.
2. Catholic University is a private institution, the leadership of which can set more or less (within legal constraints) whatever rules on conduct that they want.
3. If the rules at the university, you don't like the rules, don't go there.
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Here's what we love about you guys: you can even treat something as fragile as a debate over outing gay politicians and a threat on live TV with equal parts levity and perspective. Kudos.
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In this week's episode of The Magical World of Monkeyrotica, Monkey throws on his press release writing suspenders and gives us this gem:
AWARD-WINNING DC BASED PERVERT is NOW CASTING for a new f**k-u-reality series set in Washington DC! We are currently looking for a range of women in DC, from young up-and-cummers (bored trust fundies, amateur pr0nstars, Weeble fetishists, and panda amputees) to the real ballbusters on the Hill (undersexed congresswomen, bitchy socialites, and baristas in heels) We want the Elektra Woman and Dyna Girls of Washington who aren't afraid of a little of the old in-out-in-out. This "show" will follow these high-octane women as they walk all over my face with Kansas/Boston/Blue Oyster Cult playing in the background.
If you and your circle of friends are interested, or just have camera pics of you reclining in an inflatable pool full of tapioca pudding, please submit an email care of this address:
BLACKMAIL
BEHIND THE WATER PIPES
THIRD MEN'S ROOM ALONG
VICTORIA STATION
Please include: Name, age, occupation, SSN, major credit card numbers, along with power of attorney. Tell us why you think a raven is like a writing desk. Don’t forget to add recent compromising photos, and a contact number where we can send your remains.
NO WEIRDOS.
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sparemonk (among many others) pointed out the irony with Metro stations potentially selling food:
Sell food at station kiosks but prohibit the eating of the purchase anywhere in the vicinity. Who would buy a candy bar from a metro kiosk if it couldn't be eaten till you get off the escalator half an hour or an hour later? I actually like the idea of adding some NYC character to metro...maybe the no-eating policy will just be less strictly enforced if this idea ever comes to pass. Big if. I seem to recall metro toying with the idea of live musicians.
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Uh huh. We've really got to start being a lot more careful when we throw the word "erection" into a post before 9 a.m.
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Thanks to this Junior Boys review, we all know too much about DreadPirateRoberts day-to-day:
Loose and organic - now that's a new descriptor. I had visions of a NY Avenue hooker in the P Street Whole Foods.
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Well played, Wizzyliz, well played:
Ohmygawd. This isn't just any bin, it's Osama's Bin - laden with cans, paper bags and half-eaten bagels.
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People like sordid who can make a game out of anything are my favorite kind of people:
It's time for DCist's fav name game: Name that mysterious object to the right of the deuce-deuce of Bud Light.
1. Jumbo Blunt
2. Circus style fake cigar
3. Fish
4. Turd
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New York, Chicago, phst. will585 knows where to get the real good inspiration for Spike's new joint:
It wont be as good as the Pizza Hut in Olongapo Phillipines where the crust tasted like day old bread, the sause was ketchup and the cheese Cheeze Whiz.
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Here's the game we're going to play -- if you can tell what lrg's avatar is without clicking through, you get the same reward (read: nothing) that we're giving out for winning this week's Avatar Award for Achievement in the Field of Avatars.
This week's Username of the Week goes to TheEnglishMajor. (Hey, me too! Wanna go wait in the unemployment line together?)
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Oh, geez... I'm sooooooooo close to having username of the week...
*has thunder stolen*