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We've officially clocked 37 different reader requests to post this admittedly kinda funny rap spoof that's apparently been making the rounds on the interwebs. So by popular demand, DCist presents: "Arlington: The Rap" by YouTube user GoRemy.
Not bad, right? A lot of effort clearly went into it, anyway. The piece does sag a bit in the middle when it gets bogged down with a few too many of the same "Arlington is full of yuppies and chain stores" jokes, but toward the end it picks back up again, especially when it goofs on Arlington residents being afraid to ride the Green Line. lolz.
The release of this video naturally led some of us oldsters to reminisce about an earlier, more innocent time. That time being the height of '90s rock, of course! Who could forget Emmet Swimming's indelible, well OK, certainly more earnest rendition of this same basic concept:
Emmet Swimming - Arlington (Official Music Video) - Funny video clips are a click away
It's odd to look back and see that there was a time not that long ago when a lot of Arlingtonians apparently clung to some of the pretensions of being artsy (tattoos and poetry and the like). Remy's rap song pretty neatly captures how things have changed.
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Ode to the stripmall! The irony...so so so many things that could be said. And the video reminds me jus how fucking bad Emmett Swimming was...Hilarious.
This post brought to you by Andy Samberg.
That was really amusing! The green line part was my favorite. I know people seem a bit shy when it comes to that, but me, being the poor, unwilling to split a taxi friend I am will gladly wait for delays and ride any line.
I don't get it , what is so scary about the green line ? And last time I checked Green do not set wheels on Arlington County anyways ? Missing something ?
Ironic appropriation of hip-hop culture by upper-middle class persons is getting mighty old. For a change I'd like to see a low-income black dude posing as a bourgeoise, woe-is-me hipster.
Because the People Demand It
Like my dad used to say, "The 'people' can go f**k themselves."
Awesome.
btw, what has happened to About Tonight? It doesn't seem to be a regular feature anymore. I always look forward to that to know what's going on around town.
lol love it. as a former prisoner of the meridian at courthouse commons (I had little say and no choice in the matter and got out ASAP), this amuses me to no end and embodies (almost) everything that made my skin crawl for a year.
that being said, this is really not any different from the vast majority of the western part of the red line, ya know (except for the "DC" at the end of the address). just sayin' about stones and glass houses and such...
Nothing NW of Woodley Park is even remotely recognizable as DC.
true as that may be, it is DC. like it or not, western red line IS part of the fabric of the city. the whole of DC isn't and will never be [fill in your neighborhood of choice here]. in fact, the vast majority of it is a place you probably wouldn't want to live, for various and disparate reasons. so, neighborhood rather than city pride it is! (that's how it works for me anyway).
again, i'm no defender of that particular corner of arlington (the very thought of the orange line makes me shudder at the memory of my time spent there. seriously, it's been like 5 years and i'm still traumatized), but i like hypocrisy and elitism even less, and just call 'em as i see 'em. directed at no one in particular just the whole "DC rules, 'burbs drool" attitude, you know?
nicely said...
No Apple Store reference???
FAIL
No Apple Store reference???
FAIL
No Apple Store reference???
FAIL
Sorry haters, but I think this was a lot of good fun. Everyone can scoff at the yuppies, myself included, but when it comes to giving them credit for going out on a limb and making something like this, you can't deny it.
Agreed. I miss the good ol' days when "A-town" was known as "Arlington, Vietnam"
Oh, you young'uns.
"Things have changed" from the days when I lived in Clarendon 12 years ago: drug dealers used to drop their stolen cars off in the vacant lot across the street from my decrepit party-house that had racoons living under the floorboards. That vacant lot now contains an Apple Store.
Needless to say, I have moved to Del Ray. Yesterday the police broke up a domestic disturbance at my neighbors'. Now that's what I'm talkin' about!
Ah, the seasons of mists and mellow fruitfulness. Everything in life was better a dozen years ago; the food was better (and cheaper), the drinks had more flavor, the sex was satisfying instead of a semi-erect reminder of your own mortality. And every Friday night ended with a domestic disturbance...IN MY PANTS. Now, if I want to get molested in a park or screamed at by a maniac or shot in the face, I have to drive all the way to Northeast.
Yeah, this is well done and all but it really makes me miss early 90s Arlington. I swear, kids, it used to have a personality. Now get of my lawn, etc.
To the extent it ever did, it still does -- just not along the orange line (sadly). As late as 2003/4 it was still tolerable to go out in Clarendon if you avoided the wrong places. Now Dremo's is gone and even GH is too crowded to be worth the trip on anything but the earliest of weekdays. But there's still CD Cellar, there's still Ayer's Hardware, there's still Iota, there's still Eden Center, there's still Bluemont Park filled with families picnicking and colorful hammocks... I donno, it's still the place I grew up, I think -- though writing this is making me nervous that I ought to get back out there and double check.
I wouldn't do it. You'll start thinking you've entered upper Bethesda, turn around and then end up in Woodbridge.
Look, let's be honest, Arlington used to suck and now it still sucks, but in a different way. The current level of suckiness is preferable to the vast wasteland suckiness that it used to be.
Some of us still have a wistful fondness for the vaste wasteland suckiness of our youth. Take Penn Quarter.
Please.
Buying illegal switchblades and fireworks in Chinatown, Jello wrestling at 14th & K, 24 hr. hookers parading around Logan Circle, the sweet scent of Boat floating through the air.
Good times.
DC Space...peepshows where the Spy Museum is now...liquor stores with "We Don't ID On Purchases Of More Than $20" policies...
Hah, forgot about the liqueur stores.
The convenience of the Army Navy store next to 9:30 club, so you could stop in and get your paratrooper boots on your way to see Black Flag.
Ah, the old Doc Johnson's Marital Aids Store. If the walls of the Spy Museum could talk, they'd weave a woeful tale of endless porno loops and linoleum tiles caked with goo. Before a Slickee Boys show, on a dare, a friend actually went into one of the porno booths and ended up sitting in something.
For months after, she was known as "Spunky."
"Who wants linoleum floors?"
"WE want linoleum floors!"
"Tiles...parquet...hardwood...OKAY!"
We used to call that, Dinner and Show. Boy, we sure gave those jizzmoppers a run for their money.
1) Only a nimrod sits down in a porno booth;
2) I'm not buying the "friend" bit, Spunky.
"Only a nimrod sits down in a porno booth." Call me King Nimrod and can I get $5.00 worth of quarters while you're at it?! There's a new Serena and Vanessa Del Rio out and I wanna get my mojo rising.
I swear. It wasn't me! I was busy browsing the John Holmes Brand Personal Enlargers®, the Christy Canyon Pocket Pals®, and the electric-cooled donkey harness (with fuel-injection).
As an Arlington native: fuck this dude. Guy probably lives in a condo in Clarendon. Fuck the yuppie douchebags infesting our fine county. They stay for two years, act like assbags and leave us with the shitty reputation. I'm with you... I want the old suckiness back. Move back to Georgetown and take the Apple Store with you.
I'm glad someone else noted the utter awfulness of Emmet Swimming.
Ya'll remember the club, THIS IS IT that was on 14th street and the other gentlemen clubs of the yesteryear?
Ahh! The Silver Slipper and Doc Johnson's Marital Aids.
Mama Chud Chinatown Sue used to fish for quarters that fell through the gratings in the viewing rooms and buy wine coolers of all flavors.
THIS IS IT. Yes! that was the name. A favorite of the Mayor's.
Imagine how I felt growing up worshiping harDCore and Dischord Records post punk that both the Dischord House and Inner Ear Studios were in fact in Arlington.
I'm pretty sure Dischord was in Glover Park (Beecher St., no?)...not that that's much better than Arlington.
Simple Machines was in Arlington, though. I think Teen Beat was, too, but I could be wrong on that one.
Dischord House, where the offices of the label are, is in Arlington. Teen Beat was always Arlington proud. I mean, they named their box set "Wakefield."
My two cents in the Arlington-used-to-be-cool debate: Go! Records and the little coffee/tea shop that was underneath it.
Man, now I'm gonna be racking my brain trying to remember the name of the coffee shop on the ground floor of Go! Dang...
The coffee shop under Go! was Sugar Shack, right?
yup.
Hilarious, but seriously, why rap about Arlington and only stay North of 50? This would have been better if they kicked it on the South side and came down to Columbia Pike. Luckily not too many yuppies down here yet...
North 50. New bar name
Yes, but all the Latinos and Africans would probably make their video less ironic.
Man the old stories of DC space, the Old 9:30 club, What about the BBQ Iguana, The Old Old Asylum these places bring back some great memories and Music.
The problem is that most people who see this video and live here are from PA and or Ohio and have just moved here in the past 1 to 10 years. All were either in a Sorority and or Frat. One can spot them from a mile away they all look like the lemmings that they are... hats with the brim rolled tightly over their eyes and wearing you guessed it "dudes in brown flip flops". When talking to others they are blown away when they find out if someone is originally from here and or was born here.
As for Columbia Pike Gentrification is coming and it is a shame!
Emmitt Swimming is from here? Never knew that, but that is because I don't listen to that crap anyway.
What about Pentagram??? and or Deceased?? Anyone ever heard of them? You should have!
So it's not just my imagination that everyone I meet in DC these days is from Pennsylvania? Why is that?
War and the Government supplying the jobs!
Honestly I do not know, but I do now it has been like this for a very long time now. I would say since the early 90's when I noticed. Everyone from there comes to colleges down here and stays becuase of the job market hence all the Frat boys!
They're trying to get as far away from that nasty Yuengling $h!t as possible, but they eventually give up, settle here, and smoke meth. Same end result, except your breath doesn't smell like bilgewater.
Hey, there are a lot of awesome people from Pennsylvania! (ahem). Actually, I think you'll find Pittsburgh and Philly have many fewer frat boy types than DC. Don't blame us for the preppy culture.
Philly with the big 5 and then PSU? I doubt they have fewer frat boys than dc. The Pittsburgh frat boys have all moved here, so of course they have fewer...
Thank you! for backing that up
It is even more evident when one heads to the Eastern SHore and that is all you see now is PA Tags. I am not putting down PA but they are all around!
Penn State is in State College. You might be thinking of UPenn (also known as "Not Penn State").
I'm going to guess you've never spent much time in Pittsburgh or Philly.
Yea, I know where Penn State is. Was just pointing out that there are a lot of preppy frat type boys in Pennsylvania. Except in Pittsburgh, of course. They've mostly moved here. Pennsylvania is a beautiful state. Cut El Esteban some slack, lemmings and penguins are hard to tell apart. go red wings :)
The Atlantic Club....the original Madam's Organ...The Booeymonger...the D.C. original Whitlow's..Dankers...
...The 15 Minutes Club...Tracks....the Columbia Station club....
Geez, memory lane. The old Whitlow's? I actually caught it before it closed. You must also remember the Pink Elephant, which I never went to because I thought it was a gay bar. In reality it was just another old drunk place. What was the name of that tasty bakery/diner around 9th. It began with an R.
The Harrington Hotel's Pink Elephant was just a cheap dive and more space than Whitlow's. The place with an R was it REEVES?
REEVEs, of course. That Whitlows was great.
I remember when Whitlows folded and the block was left to rot and it was plastered with boxing/music/gogo posters for years. They didn't tear down the old ones, they'd just slap new ones on. Eventually, you had a foot-thick layer of posters, like ring layers in a tree. You could take a core sample and it would tell you the evolution of musical/boxing tastes from the late 1970s to 1990.
Layer upon layer of posters, inches thick and the sheer weight of all that paper causing it to peel down, falling to the sidewalk. Leaving a spot among the zillions of staples and Dimension Unlimited posters. Good-bye ole urban decay. Hello Yuppie hipster flash.
ok i hate to admit it but the clizzle dizzle part was actually cute.
I'm sorry, but someone needs to stick up for Arlington. Yeah it may be yuppy and lack "personality" to a certain extent, but it has great restaurants and decent bars and takes no time to get to work in DC. What's wrong with wanting to park your gar in a garage (and not pay $250/month like in DC)? What's wrong with not wanting to pay outrageous DC income taxes? What's wrong with living so close to DC that it probably takes me the same time to get to work near Metrocenter as it does many of you who live in the District? For a young professional making decent money and working in the city, Arlington really is the best place to live. If anyone has other suggestions of places to live please let me know.
And I will defend as a native. I was born here and I grew up here, moved around and finally came back. I love Arlington, with all its places to eat, walkability (I seriously go days without driving anywhere), drink and (best of all) a responsive, far thinking government that doesn't make you cringe every five minutes (not like the clown show that goes on in the city across the water that thankfully let us revert back to the Commonwealth). Sure some of the sections along the Rosslyn-Ballston corridor can be a bit cookie-cutter (god I miss Dremo's) but there is still plenty of character left in this county.
It's hard to argue against low taxes, low crime, and clean.
Rosslyn to Clarendon could use about 4-5 more interesting bars (and close one or two of the fratboy hangouts). All the Yuppie retailers and chains are a little annoying, but I'd rather have those than seedy, run-down places that are falling apart.
For a young professional making decent money and working in the city, Arlington really is the best place to live.
Well I guess if parking is your primary criterion...
I listed a lot of other reasons: lower taxes, safety, proximity to DC, and good food. I'm tired of people acting like living on the other side of the river is inherently inferior to living within the District.
I find it amusing that you object to DC superiority, and yet "proximity to DC" is one of your selling points for Virginia...
... that's like people who try to try to get people to eat fish by saying "it doesn't taste like fish"
Hmm, I didn't see anyone object to DC's "superiority", or even bring up who was superior. There's definitely ways DC is superior to VA, and vice versa. There's no arguing that - there are pros and cons. I think what the others were saying is that they like to enjoy the good things about DC by being so close to it, but not have to deal with the all the negatives by living in it.
As for the fish comment, people say that because those who don't like fish often have a misconception that all fish tastes/smells "fishy", when often it only does when it's too 'ripe'. That is, they've never had fresh fish, well prepared, before.
Just like when I asked someone to try a porcini mushroom in Italy; he equated mushrooms with tasting like dirt and being watery. Evidently, he never had had a really good mushroom before. So these kind of statements are based on asking someone to open up their minds against preconceived misconceptions or stereotypes.
I'm not selling the whole Commonwealth of Virginia, just Arlington. Your analogy doesn't make sense either. Proximity to the city as a selling point is not a concession that DC is superior; it's a concession that I work in DC and like short commutes and the option to go out in the city if i so choose.
Let's not forget that Arlington WAS part of the original DC. However, Arlington doesn't have the urban neighborhood feel that DC does, with each neighborhood being really distinct and with its own history.
This rap really is really meant for Orange Line Corridor part of Arlington; it doesn't apply to South Arlington at all...still funny, though! Arlington is also mostly federal government workplaces. Fort Myer, the Pentagon, most of those commercial skyscrapers in Rosslyn...
It wasn't that long ago that Clarendon tried copying Austin's (TX) slogan of "Keep Clarendon Weird." They meant keep the local businesses there. So much for that campaign, eh. All bulldozed and becoming condos. Yuck. They're also so strict with all their rules and regulations in Arlington... so I moved to Del Ray. I like to hang out and enjoy the nightlife in DC, but I do prefer residing amongst the beauty of the Virginia side. It's easier to get out to the different ethnic grub/shopping, too - Eden Center, Annandale, H-Mart, even Rockville. I can go to all places relatively easily, where I'd be more stuck in DC all the time if I lived there. And complain how everything is too far. :)
Carless happy hours. Need I say more?
Nothing against your comments but keeping Clarendon weird ended along time ago!
The last place to go on that whole stretch of Wilson was Orpheus records! Closing its doors from what I understand another Irish Bar????? run by and owend by someguy who is not even Irish probably! Thank goodness CD cellar is still surviving. Across the the street from where the CD Cellar is located used to be a killer thrift store(this was a long time ago) So a lot of the wierdness is leaving the area. I hope to god they do not force out TA Sullivan and Son.
At Courthouse they forced out a great mom and pop deli/coffee place for another starbucks!!!!(crap coffee) could it not have been at least a D&D's? The scary thing, there is a starbucks three blocks away where the old transmission shop used to be!
So tell me, beyond the container store, starbucks cheesecrap factory and so on... where is the wierdness?
At Courthouse they forced out a great mom and pop deli/coffee place for another starbucks!!!!(crap coffee) could it not have been at least a D&D's?
I think every neighborhood could use a few more Dungeons & Dragons shops. And not those stupid Yu-Gi-O-centric stripmall dumps full of greasy dorks swapping cards. Unless you're using die-cast minatures and wearing a cloak, it's just not the same kettle of Beholders. Besides, my 9th Level Paladin needs a new +3 Broadsword. Try finding one of those in Del Ray.
"I think every neighborhood could use a few more Dungeons & Dragons shops"
Ha ha ha ha ha ha I like that!
Actually, Orpheus is still there. Only open for very limited hours though, like twice a week.
I know Arlington gets a bad rap (no pun intended) because of the uber yuppie population, but not everyone who lives there is an ex-sorority girl carrying a Starbucks latte. In fact, I've lived in two different neighborhoods in DC proper and just recently made the jump over the river to Ballston. Why? My fiance and I wanted to buy a condo and, while we really wanted an urban-esque location, simply couldn't afford a place with good amenities in the neighborhoods we liked in DC (Logan Circle, U Street, etc).
Well done!
Sorry, has anyone BEEN to Mount Pleasant recently? That place looks more suburban--totally overrun by strip malls and chain stores--then any part of the Orange Line corridor. I don't quite understand what it is about people who move to DC and feel such a need to assert their hip factor that they feel the need to bash part of the city (as in the Greater Metropolitan Area) I'm pretty sure most of you haven't been to. I mean, come on...El Pollo Rico? Iota? Galaxy Hut? Ray's Steaks? Ray's Hellburger? Fine...stay on your side of the river. I'll keep the good stuff to myself.
I like the video a lot, not so much the snarky editorial around it.