I'm the last person to buy into anything remotely related to mumbo-jumbo, but when I heard that Amma, aka Mata Amritanandamayi, was coming to Tysons Corner this weekend, it seemed worth a mention. Amma's deal is that she runs an ashram in India, but spends half the year traveling around the world, setting up camp in various hotels and convention centers and offering free hugs to anyone who wants one. The sale of CDs and books espousing her philosophy of unconditional love have made Amma lots of money, but she reportedly gives most of it away to charities, and people who have visited her tell me that the bottom line is that this woman gives the world's greatest hugs. You show up, get a number, wait for your turn, and get a big, warm bear hug. If this sounds like something you'd like to do, go here for all the details. Amma's at the Hilton McLean Tysons Corner on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. 
Amma
We went to the Macy's at 12th & G this morning for the Black Friday morning specials. There was a sh
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Meanwhile, in the lobby of the Howard Johnsons Hotel on New York Avenue, Monkeyrotica "The Junkpunch Guru" will be handing out free junkpunches to anyone within arm's length. CDs of geriatrics who buy crap with pennies having their nuts nailed to a plank will also be available, along with DVDs espousing his philosophy of "accubeating" and "glandscaping." Price: $9.95 or 6 months imprisonment. Be there or beheaded!
I am trying to envision the performance at said tour. Will it be like old school WWF, where the puncher simultaneously stomps his foot so as to only heighten the drama of the junkpunch? Or perhaps it will involve a stealth punch to unsuspecting members of the audience?
Either way, it can't be any worse than 'The Love Guru'. Get Deli City up on Bladensburg to cater it and I'm there.
The standard procedure is to look up and point with your left hand. When your target looks up, you deliver the goods with your right fist, roll them off the stage, then onto your next participant. People will wait in line for anything: icecream, cupcakes, Billy Joel tickets, junkpunches, you name it.
Marion B. sure could use a hug these days ... or a BJ.
This oddly reminds me of my father-in-law. He's not Indian but whenever he hugs his daughters, they are so long. It's not like a creepy thing, just an awkward thing. I mean they will literally sit there and hug for about a good 10 seconds or longer. He tried that with me one day, and I was like "not me man, I'm good, you guys do your own thing". But I often wonder, what is going on during their hugs. They don't say anything...just a big hug. Very strange.
That reminds me of the old saying, "If you shake more than three times, you're playing with yourself." Like dropping food, I think the five-second rule applies here. Anything more than five seconds gets a five second junkpunch.
Which reminds me, future "Junkpunch Guru" Tour Dates will include The Heritage Foundation, The Cato Institute, the ACLU, Commissary on P Street, and every CVS in DC. Tickets available through Ticketmaster, which will also be getting junkpunched.
And don't forget to include K Street!
Will there be tour t-shirts?!
Looking forward to WATCHING the tour!
(...Ishmael keeps his distance from Monkey...)
Deluxe Hugs $2
Deluxe Hugs would be a great name for a band.
Deluxe Hugs would be a great name for a band.
Make sure she doesn't try to slip her tongue in to your ear!